2011

About this year

This year has been pretty fucked up. In and out of psych wards. Crisis residential once. Stress and tons of it. Homeless shelter twice. Smoked lot more than I used too. Started drinking when I turned 21 and found my ID. Not alot but enough to probably f**k with my medicine. I know it's bad habit as is a cutting and smoking but sometimes I just don't care about my health. Sometimes I don't even care if I live or die. I know I have made a tone of f*****g mistakes. I know I need to get my life together. I know I need to stop f*****g up my chances of getting better and need to stop cutting and binge eating and not eating and purging when I do eat. I keep messing up. I keep f*****g up my recovery and I hate myself for doing it. Everything in my life is a mess. Managed to lose friends and gain a few but still really fucked up life. 

Just glad for the Facebook friends and the true friends that have stuck by my side through this hell call life. I don't even know if I would be here without those people. I thank those for that. Rachel, Lauren, and a few others I really do thank you for everything. 

Josh I do thank you as well but I am mad at you for hurting Rachel like you did. I don't hate you but you did wrong by her and owe her a big apology. I hope you understand why I am mad at you. You are a nice guy and everything but what you did really hurt her a lot and it was really wrong. I can't yet forgive you and neither can she and I don't blame her. She hates you with a good reason to as well. The roses were a sweet jesters and all but it isn't enough for her to forgive you. You need to earn her trust back and the roses are not enough! 

I would go on and on but it would be really reaally long and it may end up triggering people and myself and I don't want that but... I just wanna say a fe wmore things.

I hope everyone's new year is wonderful and s**t like that but mine has already turned s****y.