Last thought

Once in my life
I actually wish I could smile
Without it being fake.
My face shows nothing
But if you looked deeper
You would see the hurt in me.
Scared of friends going
Because of something out of my control
Scared that i might
Accidentally push someone over
Without meaning what i say.
So much that you see
is not the true me.
The smile and laughter
Is fake
The feeling of dying is real
But it never shows on my face
And i would never really tell anyone
Scared of what might happen
If it slips out
The thoughts of not belonging
Of nobody wanting me
Cause the feeling that i might be best off dead