You Against Yourself

The bad stuff is easier to believe.

Why?

Doubt. Insecurity.

Uncertainty stemming from jealousy.

Jealousy of people who have someone.

Jealousy of people who have it made-

who have it easy.

People who meet someone who they have truly had feelings for.

And then there’s you: Always Doubting.

Never sure of who to actually trust.

Never sure if that friend that you used to think was always going to be there, will be there when you need them.

Never sure if the guy you are talking to really likes you, or is just using you until he finds something better.

Insecurity is the predator, a snake, and you are the field mouse.

Inevitably, you will get caught and have no escape.

It will surround your thoughts, actions…

Eventually, you won’t even realize that it’s driving your thoughts.

Your friends are beautiful, desired, and confident.

And here you are, not as skinny, or not as curvy.

Not as clever or funny.

Not pretty enough.

Smart enough.

Interesting enough.

Good enough.

You become withdrawn and you tell everyone that it’s because you’re tired.

In some ways, you are tired.

Tired of the drama.

Tired of trying to be the things you’re not.

Tired of trying to be worth it.

Because you've convinced yourself that no matter what you do,

you will always be the lesser.

After all, 

Isn't that why you've been rejected so many times?

Left out?

Put down?

Ignored?

Maybe you've just surrounded yourself with selfish friends who don’t realize what’s happening.

Maybe it’s your sibling’s fault for always scolding you and telling you that people are thinking bad things about you.

Or maybe it’s your fault for believing it.

For only believing the bad things that are said about you.

For thinking that any compliment received is out of politeness.

And you believe this to your very core.

It’s you against yourself.

Because why would anyone like you?

The last person you gave your heart to, didn't want it anymore.

Found a better one.

Because your’s wasn't enough.

Because you weren't enough.

And you keep believing this…

because the bad stuff is easier to believe.

Reviews

[Mia]

Wow this write made me tired…deep breath, a few more…a cup of tea. So much self hate just fuels more self hate. It’s sad that so much of what people think of themselves and feel about themselves depends on what others say and think. I wish I could say to everyone that it starts with you…how can I love and value you…if you don’t love and value yourself. Show the world how to treat you by treating yourself that way. Captivating write Katie…got me thinking. I hope this isn’t about your feelings towards yourself!