My dream

Sometimes, it seems to me, one day,

I'll set forth and go my way,

Towards fears and doubts I'll stride,

To fulfill the dream that's deep inside.

Though the path may be tough, at times thorny,

It will grant me strength and a mighty story,

For I believe that all will come true,

What I long for, what I pursue.

May the Almighty grant me power,

This, to Him, I fervently tower...

Reviews

[JayG]

You're focusing on the rhyme, and bending the line as needed to provide a rhyme. But the rhyme is an accent, not the purpose. It's the thought being expressed that is, and must be, the focus.

Added to that, there's a lot to metric poetry that's not obvious, like prosody, which of more important than the rhyme, because it provides the cadence, what we call "feet."

Take a read of the excerpt to Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. What he has to say about the flow of language is brilliant, and I recommend it to all writers. For learning the basics of how to add wings to your words, his book is excellent, but I favor Mary Oliver's, Rules For the Dance.

[Ksu88]

thank you for your review, this is very important to me, because this is my first work, I understood your thoughts about my poem, and thank you for the advice