A countdown to get rid of the hurt

A countdown to get rid of the hurt
fourteen  with words i never said
I didn't imagine all the tears I'd shed
I didn't know what fell more
The tears onto my bed
Or hearing your name making my heart fall as low as it can possibly go
thirteen I never imagined a life with without you so
 twelve thought we would always be together
Eleven No one in the world has had my heart like this
People would just tell me it's temporary to be his
But if it was something you could get rid of easily
Then why did i see myself as a new tattoo on his chest
Something being so permanent that made me feel so blessed
ten I would have rather dissappeared forever if i wasn't with you
Nine I got more weak every day
Eight The way i felt about my future
Was the way i felt about my dreams i had when i was sleeping
Something i just dreamt of at night
A unrealistic sight
My only vision was you
You were the best view
seven there were days i wanted to die
The relationship my weak heart forced me to was just a replacement for the cuts on my thighs
But what hurt more than dissecting my feelings out of my skin
Were the feelings that were 50% just a lie
And being with him was just a sin
Six you were always the other 50 that completed me
Five I never knew why i wanted you back so bad
Even though things were broken
Even though you never trusted me
You would think i was replacing you
In reality the only thing that would touch my body wasn't the guys , but the insulting words i was always raped by
Four I'm glad that those days are gone
And the days were given back to me
Emotions made their way home
I never had anything i wanted to call home
But you were the most precious place I stayed at
You came back go the states
You came back , home
Three now my love will never have to roam
Being without you was like walking in a abandoned maze that wasnt worth to he shown
It could only be completed with you
So now my life will be finished with just us Two.