Your Final Day

You've decided that today is the beginning of your final day.

The sun is beginning to creep over the horizon, but you haven't slept a wink. 

You lie in bed trying to drown out the noise but it is so loud you can barely think. 

The thoughts that do make their way through the chaos are louder than ever, 

but you still find yourself having second thoughts of this particular endeavor. 

You try to find the will to make it through just one more day, 

but struggle to find the courage it would take for you to stay. 

You've tried to talk about these thoughts, you've tried to finally reach out; 

but no one will ever understand, you're left with so much doubt. 

The finality with which you approach this morning is terrifying at the least, 

but no matter how hard you have tried, happiness seems to be just out of reach. 

Your mind is tired, your bones are sore, your heart is feeling heavy; 

Your only hope is that the pills you hold are every bit as deadly. 

The texts are sent, the letters written, those final I love you's, 

with hope that they understand this decision did not seem like yours to choose. 

Depression is a funny thing, you feel everything but nothing at all; 

You feel guilty for leaving loved ones behind, but it feels impossible to keep standing tall. 

It's time to go, to leave behind the troubles of your life; 

you've picked your poison, easier some pills than with a knife. 

The clock is ticking, you breathe in deep, saying your final prayer; 

but you wonder if it is a futile attempt to see if anyone is there. 

You tip the bottle, lift your hand, and bring it to your lips; 

Who knew that choosing to end your life would feel like one last kiss? 

The deed is done, you take a seat, this is finally the end. 

Those thoughts that circled your head each day seem to have gotten the win. 

The numbness is beginning, but this is a different numb, almost welcome; 

so different than the emptiness you finally decided to run from. 

Your fingers tingle, your mind is clear, you actually manage a smile, 

you lie down for the very last time, embracing the icy tiles. 

Your eyes begin to close, drifting further than ever before, 

how cliché to spend your final moments lying on a bathroom floor. 

All of a sudden a single thought manages to break through, 

think of all the people that will be lost without you. 

There is a moment of clarity, this cannot be how it ends, 

You fumble around, looking for your phone, help's just around the bend. 

You make a call, please pick up, but you're sent straight to voicemail; 

funny how even in choosing to live, it seems that you have failed. 

You drag yourself across the floor, be quick, you have to purge. 

You shove your fingers down your throat, your sight begins to blur. 

Then clear as day you hear footsteps walking through the door, 

you're not alone, you yell with more power than you ever have before. 

It is your younger brother looking stunned and scared to death, 

you're crying, making little sense, he can't see your final breath. 

Your eyes begin to close again, but you feel arms wrap around you, 

your mother is there, terrified but happy that she found you. 

She drags you out into the cold, in the car she steps on the gas, 

she's begging God, to keep you here, apologizing for the past. 

You arrive, they cannot pump your stomach, they say it is too late, 

just pray and hope and wish and dream and most important, wait. 

You wake up lying in a sterile bed and blue hospital gown, 

with so many eyes upon your face, you're trying not to drown. 

You made it through, some way somehow, it was not your time to go. 

There is so much worth living for, this you finally know. 

It seems the road that lies ahead will be the most treacherous you have faced. 

but despite the struggles that are to come, you thank God for His grace. 

This started as a story of the day your life would end, 

but it turned into the tale of the day you finally learned to live.

Reviews

[Crazycatgirl_10]

I can't even start to describe what I was thinking when I read this. I can say though that I was moved and completely amazed by how beautifully written this poem is. You took a really sensitive subject and created something beautiful. Well done.