Days Past

it seems it gets better as I go on.... the latter chapters are better than the former. lol

Chihanna was aggravated. She was ready to go back to her mountain and rest, but Sage Marquis was holding her up. He was so stubborn at times. All of the other Sages had aggreed almost willingly, except for Annadryia. She was the only other one who needed the reasons behind it. However, she also knew that it was the best course of action after it was explained to her. Marquis was the one who refused to be rational.

 

"Tell me again why I should do this?" Marquis asked.

 

"To protect your people, Marquis. As well as the Ninabi people as a whole."

 

"Well, Sage Chihanna, I am quite capable of taking care of these people," he said with spite. "I will consider your words, but there will be no immediate action taken."

 

"But Marquis," she started.

 

"No buts. I dont believe it needs immediate action because I dont believe it is as bad as you say. In the meann time, I suggest you go back to your mountain."

 

With Marquis huffed out of the room and Chihanna sighed. Marquis was a good man, just stubborn.

 

She was about to leave when she heard a commotion close by. Chihanna walked towards it curiously. What she saw when she got there, left her speechless.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kelsey was worried. It had been three weeks since Chihanna left, and she had still not returned. She was also surprised. She knew that alot of people didnt like that she was chosen as Chihanna's succesor, but there had been no qualms when Chihanna anounced it. She wondered why.

 

There really wasn't anything for Kelsey to do except make sure no one went outside the mountain. No one did, except for the small children. Their parents watched out for them though. Kelsey was really just for show, but that didnt bother her. It meant she didnt have to do her other chores. That, however, left Kelsey with a lot of free time to worry about Chihanna.

 

She sighed and started walking down the halls of the great mountain. As she walked, she remembered her first days at the mountain, and how she had come to be there.

 

Mariposa, Mari, Kelsey chided herself, had taken her on a trip as soon as she had turned eighteen. She had taken her to this glade on the side of a mountain somewhere in Canada. It was the most beautiful place Kelsey had ever seen. She still sometimes went there to think. Mari, as Kelsey called her then, had explained everything about the Ninabi people to Kelsey there, and even showed her some tricks. Kelsey laughed as she remembered Mari's aggravated face while she tried to explain that none of this was an illusion. Of course, Kelsey had no believed her until she had done a "trick" herself. It wasn't even supposed to happen, but Kelsey's emotion was so uncontrolled (she had been laughing like crazy) that fire had shot from her ears! Then of course, Kelsey was convinced.

 

Mari and Kelsey used to be quite close. Mari was the closest thing to a mother she had ever had. Their mother had died so long ago, that Kelsey had long since forgotten her. For most of their lives, they only had each other. Their father was a drunk and never cared for either of them. When Kelsey first came to the mountain, she met Chihanna. Mari and Chihanna were already good friends, and now Kelsey had another mother figure in her life. To make things better, Mari had been her trainer, making their bond even sstronger.

 

But then things had started to change. Mari, the sister Kelsey so loved, became Mariposa, this distant figure whom no one wished to speak to. Kelsey tried, though, but Mariposa would no longer talk to her.

 

Then Mariposa had left. Just like that. Off to see the world, she said, and no one had seen of heard from her since yesterday.

 

Kelsey was so caught up in her thoughts that she was startled when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Even more so to find that it was Chihanna.

 

"Well, Kelsey, I've got good news and bad news," she said. "The good news is that all Ninabi mountains are on lockdown."

 

"And the bad news?" Kelsey asked.

 

"I'll tell you at the same time I tell the council. Please gather them immediatley."

Author's Note

The next few chapters will alternate between Kelsey and Chihanna, but you should be able to tell who is the current main character. If not, let me know.

Reviews

[Livana Lowell]

Yeah, I understand, but why change point of views at all? Why can't Kelsey just wait and roam around and Chihanna tell her what went down. I say this because when writing a novel esepcailly an elaborate fantasy tale, you must be very careful. Only switch point of views when you HAVE to. Far as I see, this chapter could be rearranged without changing the point of views at all, but that's up to you.

Also, you seem to have a lot of passive sentences. If you don't know what those are, then those are sentences that show no action and often tell the reader things like this one here: Kelsey was worried. Instead of doing that, you could say how she was worried. What does Kelsey do when she's worried or surprised? Does she pace? Refrain from using "was" and "is" as your verb if you can because this is a fantasy with a whole new world and requires a little info, but try to avoid it anyways.

Other than that, the ending challenges the reader to find out what the bad news is, so it propels him/her. I like it.

[..R.I.P..]

I think this one should come b4 Seperated, so you might want to try to fix that. Still a good chapter.