Finding your way back!

It‘s 3am and you wake up to an alert on your phone. It‘s a reminder that you wish you had deleted. You already know what it is gonna says but you sit up and read it anyway. In big fat letters is written „3 year anniversary today“ and you feel your heart sink. Ahh it‘s already that time of the year. „Damn  it“ you think to yourself.. it‘s already been 3 months, why can‘t I get myself to delete this. You know you need to start facing reality, but it‘s just to hard! The feelings are still there, clear as day and just as deep as before.

It‘s been 3 months but you just can‘t get yourself to get over it. The break up. That horrible heart shaking break up. You still honestly can‘t even wrap your head around what happened. Not to long ago you were so happy. Laughing and smiling together. The pain makes your heart ache to it‘s core. You can feel tears trying to form in your eyes but you dry them right away.

You lie back down, trying to fall back asleep. After tossing and turning for about half an hour you give up. There is no way you can fall asleep now. A big sigh escapes your lips and you decide to just get up and find something to take your mind of it.

You get dressed, go out to the kitchen to get something to drink and then sit at your desk and turn on your computer. Browsing the internet might help you think of something else, if only for a moment. After about 20 minutes of browsing your find yourself on his social media page. He has posted new songs again. Damn, he‘s so talented. Which was also one of the reasons why you fell for him. That sweet, kind, gorgeous man. Ahh crap, why do I keep thinking about him, you think to yourself while you listen absentmindedly to one of his new songs.

Yoongi... How are you? Are you healthy? Have you been really busy? Why did you leave? Thousand questions rush through your mind while you take in the beauty that are his lyrics. They are the reason why he is gone, they are the reason for your heartache and yet, you can‘t seem to stop repeating the lyrics in your head, let alone hate them.

One day, he came home and told you he had gotten a new job request. Something amazing. He was so excited and so were you. Until he told you where it was. The shock hit you like a hammer. That‘s on the other side of the world! And you can‘t go with him because of your own job. But looking at his bright smile while he talked about what he would be doing made all my worries vanish and I decided to be happy for him and support him wholeheartedly.

Over time, it became apparent that this was going to put a huge strain on our relationship. He barely had anytime to call or face time and neither of you had time to visit because of your schedule. And then it happened. 4 months after he moved, you got a text. A text that would shatter your heart into million pieces.

Damn... You‘re thinking about it again. 

You decide to close the browser and turn on some relaxing music. But nothing seems to help. You can feel the sadness take over and your mind starts to wonder again. Flashing back and forth through your memories.

The day you met him. When he walked into the studio, introducing himself as your songwriter. His beautiful smile, his sultry deep voice when he asks you about your vision for your songs and lyrics, his focused gaze while writing. Everything about him intrigued you.

The day he first asked you out. The shock in your face that he actually asked you out. His sweet laugh when he saw you blush. Of course you said yes.

Your first date. Which was nothing like the usual dates I had been taken on. First we went to a basketball game and then he took me to the studio and we sang together the whole night. It was the best first date you had ever been on.

The day he asked you to officially become his girlfriend!

The day you went camping and spent the nights chatting while cuddling under the stars.

His big warm hands holding yours.

Lying in bed together, your head on his chest while he talked about music and ran his fingers through your hair.

The day he first told you he loved you and you heart almost jumped out of your chest from happiness.

The day he asked you to move in with him.

All the song you wrote together and he wrote for you!

The day that text arrived.... it was probably the worst day of your life. It was a long text. He had obviously put a lot of thought into it. How it was just not working anymore. Saying this was the best for the both of you. You were so shocked that you dropped your phone. Everything fell apart right then and there. That was 3 months ago and the last time you heard from him.

Your heart is now aching so much it‘s become hard to breath. You curl into a ball, trying to catch your breath while the tears stream uncontrollably down your face.

All of a sudden there is a knock on the front door. You eyes widen, you look at your phone, it says it‘s 5am! Who on earth could be here at this hour. You think to yourself that you must be imagining it. There is another knock. You dry your eyes while standing up. 

You take a look in the mirror, damn, you‘re a mess! You walk to the door, unsure whether you should open it or not. Then comes the third knock and you decide to open the door.

You cannot believe your eyes. It‘s him. It‘s Yoongi!

You stand there wide eyed and speechless. Just staring at him. He looks at you. He can see it on your face that you have been crying. He gives you a sad smile and you both just stand there silently for what seems to be an eternity.

You think to yourself „What is happening. I don‘t understand. Why is he here, how is he here.“

Finally he opens his mouth.. „I miss you“... Your eyes widen even more. Did he just say what I think he said.

He looks down at the floor. Then he looks up at you and says it again... „I miss you“!

Your hands start to shake and you can feel tears coming down your face again. You want to curse at him, you want to yell, you want to hit him. You want to be angry. But your heart wont let you. All you can think is how happy you are to see him and how much you missed him. You look down, trying to get yourself together but nothing works. You missed him... You missed him so much and now he‘s finally here! It feels like a dream.

He sees you struggling, walks up to you and puts his arms around you. You can feel his warmth spread to your whole body. It‘s him... It‘s really him. You put your arms around him, clutching his shirt. He smiles and hugs you even tighter.

You finally find it in you to look up at him. His eyes meet yours. He is also crying. He smiles. It‘s such a beautiful warm smile. Ohh how you missed that smile. He looks deep into your eyes and says „I want to come home! I never wan‘t to leave you ever again“. You squeeze him even tighter. And you know, that even with everything that happened. You want him back. You smile and he leans in and kisses you gently. The whole world stops.

Finally..... finally you can be happy together!

 

-          The End  -