Waters

All/any feedback is deeply appreciated :)

WATERS

 

Tell me, tall Theudas

Where can I find untainted waters?

To make my body whole

Where do I find

The cool waters

Of blood-blessing Bethesda?

Which shall redeem the brain from brutal buzz

 

You see

Coolness has betrayed me

Taps and showers

The still, lukewarm waters

Of the altar-fond

Shoveled upon my sore infant-skull

Should I follow the sea-gulls?

And their omnivorous appetite?

 

Where are the wrecks of the tall light-house?

The wood-held lantern-light

Of the Galilean siren-cries?

Reliced by feathers and clotted blood

Of south-bound birds

And

Sea-saints’ ragged sail-cloths?

 

 

Shall I meet Suzanne of the shores?

Can my blue eyes appear in her mirror?

And

Will my heart shrink sweetly-sea-silent

By the sedating song of his gently-swung Jewish tongue?

The mild monarch of Montreal

 

Will I ever hold the glacial design

The beautiful glistening icicles of my postponed, cool Arctic exile?

 

Messiah

 The sailor

Will he speak to me, through my submersion?

Will his blood bouquet above the coral-reefs

Blossom from underwater- hot-springs?

 

Where my body lies bloated, inwrought with sea-weeds

My back, bruised upon the sharp sea-shells?

Will he speak to me sweetly?

In my swollen sea-sunk cell?  

 

Or should I seek my submersion in Greek?

Though, Poseidon, Nereus?

You seem very distant to me

 

Should I swim above the archways of Atlantis

Picking dead snail-shells from chalked castles?

 

Tell me, tall Theudas!

Will I ever hold a sea-shell to my ear?

When far from sea  

And listen to the swirling wind-roared waves

Crashing against costal rocks?

And not my own

My far-too-well-known busy blood

My ponderous heart

Blowing and beating with blistering fear?  

 

Where are those boatmen

Who can sail my soil-sick body out of here?

And

Rub weeds and salt in my terrestrial tears?

 

Who is the Phoenician sailor?

Will he appear?

And

Will he speak?

Will the self-lulled mermaids of Prufrock’s sea

Will they sing

Will they sing sea-psalms to me?

 

Shall I meet Aristocratic Ariel?

Sylvia

 The sea-born

Sylvia’s sea-wedding

Sylvia’s sea-sorority

Sylvia

Now speaking with such soft syllables-ends

Wriggling her virgin-fin-tail

Reassembled with her asylum-sisters

Caressing and combing their mermaid-hair

Black, chestnut, blonde and dark

Amid

Silvery-shiny salmon-shoals

Sylvia

 The silver-crowned sea-heir

Sylvia

 The Maritime Matriarch

 

Head, out of carbon-monoxide-airs

Sea-absolved

And

Seahorses, circling her silver-inwrought scales

 Glittering in ripples, untainted and bare

 

Theudas!

If I ever turn sea-ward

Who shall meet me there?

 

Theudas, soaked and tall

Will you help me out of these dusty, dry robes?

And

Release me to drink and rejoice in water’s rippled flesh

Till I choke?

Please!

Stir these solemn, still

Waters of Narcissus

 

K.N 5/3 2014

 

 

 

  

Author's Note

AN UNDERWATER STUDY :)

Theudas: Greek: gift of God or; flowing with water
Bethesda: A pond outside Jerusalem, which, According to Christian legends, has healing powers.
Suzanne: from the Leonard Cohen song (If you haven't heard/read it, you should;))
Ariel: The title of Sylvia Plath's second publication (A recurrent theme in her writings)
Asylum-sisters: During her mental illness, Plath spent time in asylums (Somervile, r.e.d; The Bell Jar)
The mild Monarch of Montreal: Leonard Cohen
Prufrock: From T.S.Eliot's poem "The Love Song of J.Alfred Prufrock"
The Phoenician sailor: A character appearing in T.S Eliot's "The Wasteland"
Carbon-monoxide-airs: I was looking for oven-toxics(??); Refering to Plath's bizzare suicide.

"Boquet" and "Reliced" are pseudo-verbs. Let me know how it works :)

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so interesting how you used water in this poem...our bodies are 70% water...and water was all that there was on the first day of creation...

everything comes from and is made up in some way of water...

the appreciation shown to it here is nicely imaged.

that cold water you mentioned reminded me of Mad River in Vermont...we used to swim in it..and it was so so cold...but so refreshing. rejuvenating...as is this poem.

jacob

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thank you, Jacob :) I appreciate it.

[Frieda P]

Love the water, and this blissful, brutal buzz gem has flipped me over.

Your tainted waters blew my skirt up, there is such precision
in your brilliant imagery here, I don't know where to start.
Suffice to say, I'm in love with this masterpiece.

"Waters of Narcissus" killer finish.....love these reflective seas~

Going in my favorites toot sweet!

[K.N. Lorenzen]

I am so glad you liked it, Frieda :) Thank you for reading and writing!

[Frieda P]

Did I say I liked it? I loved it...it's epic. ;-)

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Smiles, and a big virtual hug for the virtual Matriarch :)

[redzone]

K, very enjoyable read with most of the references pointing to a need to have a life beyond the narrow mundane, a life that is not insane or suicidal at its core.. loved the metaphors around Sylvia, Cohen and mythology.. in answer to your question in the note, I think it did "work", but more the whole poem worked... there is coherent art woven in the words (seashells, seagulls,) ~~redzone

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thanks a lot, Redzone :)

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the imagery and the mix of religious themes and mythical figures. I like the "pseudo verbs" as you call them.

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thank you KlGoode :)

[Saddam]

Stir these solemn, still
Waters of Narcissus
Like an epic it is had all elements of water. Amazing, you create a very interesting view through water but I think deep perspective. Very great read.

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thanks a lot, Ssad! Thanks for the warm welcome :)

[Saddam]

Always be my pleasure. Thanks dear,