Waters

All/any feedback is deeply appreciated :)

WATERS

 

Tell me, tall Theudas

Where can I find untainted waters?

To make my body whole

Where do I find

The cool waters

Of blood-blessing Bethesda?

Which shall redeem the brain from brutal buzz

 

You see

Coolness has betrayed me

Taps and showers

The still, lukewarm waters

Of the altar-fond

Shoveled upon my sore infant-skull

Should I follow the sea-gulls?

And their omnivorous appetite?

 

Where are the wrecks of the tall light-house?

The wood-held lantern-light

Of the Galilean siren-cries?

Reliced by feathers and clotted blood

Of south-bound birds

And

Sea-saints’ ragged sail-cloths?

 

 

Shall I meet Suzanne of the shores?

Can my blue eyes appear in her mirror?

And

Will my heart shrink sweetly-sea-silent

By the sedating song of his gently-swung Jewish tongue?

The mild monarch of Montreal

 

Will I ever hold the glacial design

The beautiful glistening icicles of my postponed, cool Arctic exile?

 

Messiah

 The sailor

Will he speak to me, through my submersion?

Will his blood bouquet above the coral-reefs

Blossom from underwater- hot-springs?

 

Where my body lies bloated, inwrought with sea-weeds

My back, bruised upon the sharp sea-shells?

Will he speak to me sweetly?

In my swollen sea-sunk cell?  

 

Or should I seek my submersion in Greek?

Though, Poseidon, Nereus?

You seem very distant to me

 

Should I swim above the archways of Atlantis

Picking dead snail-shells from chalked castles?

 

Tell me, tall Theudas!

Will I ever hold a sea-shell to my ear?

When far from sea  

And listen to the swirling wind-roared waves

Crashing against costal rocks?

And not my own

My far-too-well-known busy blood

My ponderous heart

Blowing and beating with blistering fear?  

 

Where are those boatmen

Who can sail my soil-sick body out of here?

And

Rub weeds and salt in my terrestrial tears?

 

Who is the Phoenician sailor?

Will he appear?

And

Will he speak?

Will the self-lulled mermaids of Prufrock’s sea

Will they sing

Will they sing sea-psalms to me?

 

Shall I meet Aristocratic Ariel?

Sylvia

 The sea-born

Sylvia’s sea-wedding

Sylvia’s sea-sorority

Sylvia

Now speaking with such soft syllables-ends

Wriggling her virgin-fin-tail

Reassembled with her asylum-sisters

Caressing and combing their mermaid-hair

Black, chestnut, blonde and dark

Amid

Silvery-shiny salmon-shoals

Sylvia

 The silver-crowned sea-heir

Sylvia

 The Maritime Matriarch

 

Head, out of carbon-monoxide-airs

Sea-absolved

And

Seahorses, circling her silver-inwrought scales

 Glittering in ripples, untainted and bare

 

Theudas!

If I ever turn sea-ward

Who shall meet me there?

 

Theudas, soaked and tall

Will you help me out of these dusty, dry robes?

And

Release me to drink and rejoice in water’s rippled flesh

Till I choke?

Please!

Stir these solemn, still

Waters of Narcissus

 

K.N 5/3 2014

 

 

 

  

Author's Note

AN UNDERWATER STUDY :)

Theudas: Greek: gift of God or; flowing with water
Bethesda: A pond outside Jerusalem, which, According to Christian legends, has healing powers.
Suzanne: from the Leonard Cohen song (If you haven't heard/read it, you should;))
Ariel: The title of Sylvia Plath's second publication (A recurrent theme in her writings)
Asylum-sisters: During her mental illness, Plath spent time in asylums (Somervile, r.e.d; The Bell Jar)
The mild Monarch of Montreal: Leonard Cohen
Prufrock: From T.S.Eliot's poem "The Love Song of J.Alfred Prufrock"
The Phoenician sailor: A character appearing in T.S Eliot's "The Wasteland"
Carbon-monoxide-airs: I was looking for oven-toxics(??); Refering to Plath's bizzare suicide.

"Boquet" and "Reliced" are pseudo-verbs. Let me know how it works :)

Reviews

[Kristina Moulaison]

I'm whisper screaming about this...you've got to be kidding me!! I read everything you write out loud...and this is lyrical magic, with punches that just keep coming. Love the yearning for freedom, redemption, recognition...getting your head above water, that I read into this. Love the Plathisms, she's my favorite, so that part was amazing, but the whole thing flowing so rich with reference and rhythm was delightful and so satisfying all the way to the end. Brilliant work!

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thank you so much, Kristina :) your appreciation certainly means a lot!

[Thaddius]

This Passage:

Where are the wrecks of the tall light-house?
The wood-held lantern-light
Of the Galilean siren-cries?
Reliced by feathers and clotted blood
Of south-bound birds
And
Sea-saints’ ragged sail-cloths?

Is incredible. This poem is my favorite of yours I've read so far. Your balance of the imagery is fantastic here. So basic, and staying out of the way of your ear. There is a claustrophobia in some of your writing that just isn't here. I have this problem, or related ones, and will revise what I've implied to you by restating what I say to myself: it isn't a 'problem', per say, not if the claustrophobia (or in my case, cryptic density), is what you are aiming for. Regardless, though, this one has space, and it brings me into this sprawling mythological world, opens the door to your classics rife mind. This:

Will I ever hold the glacial design
The beautiful glistening icicles of my postponed, cool Arctic exile?

has superb language. Probably cut out beautiful.

Should I swim above the archways of Atlantis
Picking dead snail-shells from chalked castles?

The romanticism here! Makes me wish I'd broached Atlantis, seen what I could find.. I wrote a poem involving water last night, strange, hadn't opened this. Some other guy wrote something about rain (which is tepid compared to this), and perhaps that stuck in my mind when this coagulating sentiment drove me to the keyboard. At any rate, this is epic, it is in your style, and it rocks!

[K.N. Lorenzen]

I'm blown away by your words!! As simple as that :)

[Leyla Hess]

I have been meaning to get to a reading of this piece for some days now, and have just now found something that resembles sufficient time. I would like to thank you, first and foremost, for directing my attention to the name Theudas, and its conceptual investment. I've appropriated it in a recent piece myself. I too have always been draw to the water--the waves, a certain physical form which seems to pervade such a broad range of natural phenomena--and appreciate your analysis of its many forms and resonances with sensual experience. One of the highest orders of art is, I believe, to plunge one's arm into the water, the flowing and processual source from which we all derive, and see what we can't pull from the waves. I hope to be able to say more on this when I am not so (pardon) inundated with studying. In the meanwhile, I might recommend you listen to Debussy's "The Submerged Cathedral." I feel it resonates well with your piece.

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thanks a lot for stopping by and reading! I'm gonna check out "The Submerged Cathedral" :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm re-reading the classic writer this week. Dante, Virgil and Plato. My favorite writing is myth and tale. You had it all in the poem. You took me to so many places and thoughts. It was a fun field trip in your words. I saw Leonard Cohen in concert twice in 1979 in Germany. His music allow me to think and write still today. You gather many things to create a outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thanks a lot Coyote :) I saw Leonard in 2008 in Copenhagen. It was priceless, but i would love to have seen him on the early road. I'm a BIG fan of both his poetry and music. Thanks for reading and writing :)

K.

[Sami Khalil]

I'm drinking from the beauty of this wonderful poem. Creative and splendid...:)........................

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thank you dearly, Sami :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...Any time...:)...................

[Delmar Cooper]

In the rooms Messiahs come and Messiahs go speaking quietly of H2O.
Such a colossal poem. Old men repart the hair and read again and again, roll trousers up and add canned peaches to cottage cheese to sustain them to the end of understanding. Such a poem. Troubled waters cure the impotency and who will carry me to them? If the angel will not descend the porches and trouble Bethesda for my cure then dip a finger into my vanity and end it.

Remember this as you pass me by, "As you are now, so once was I." Tall Phlebas, graceful and comely now part of the aggregate of ocean the coraled concrete of sea.

Did I say the poem was colossal? I forget.

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thank you, cooper :) I love your wise, poetic rephrase!

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Haha, and nice with the Prufrock rhyming :)

[Delmar Cooper]

Did I say this was a big poem? I meant to. Stunningly big.

[Pryde Foltz]

Will my heart shrink sweetly-sea-silent
By the sedating song of his gently-swung Jewish tongue?
The mild monarch of Montreal

Fine classic write. Small think but I am not sure I am fan of the centre formatting. Could just be me. Loved the moment of zenard.

[K.N. Lorenzen]

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts, Pryde :) I will consider the "centre formatting".

K.