This gave me creeps. In a positive way. Makes me think of a marching army with an air of reverence around them. The last stanza is amazing, powerful, moving. Touched my heart, that one.
Salutations! Your poems are also intriguing. We tie ourselves up in red tape and wonder why we are so gullible so easy to control. We cannot fight the system whether it be social or political instead we become part of the fabric and lament that we are so frayed from all the abuse that we welcomed into our lives.
Very Victorian, which I normally don't care for.. but the voice of this work is easy and unaffected; very natural even in the rhymes. An excellent work. :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
I'm so glad you like it, Mark. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!
.. read moreI'm so glad you like it, Mark. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!
This is my favorite passage:
Sneering women at subways and city-halls
The snoring of city-men, seeping through
Leaky, thin city-walls
it evokes the ubiquitous metropolis (by golly, my working vocabulary is improving since getting on this site), the balance is just write in this imagery. Lots of people struggle with imagery, and my theory is this: they think imagery involves describing something in vivid detail, when it really requires a looseness with the language that makes it accessible and therefore, vivid. It's unusual pairings of words, words that pop, but bleeding into other contexts. The intelligence is 'associative horizon'. How the snoring mutates into sewage water in a paper thin subway channel is superb, visceral, affective.
The poem involves lots of direct address, and seems like an esoteric pep-talk. I like the fervor in your style. The reprise at wind is a very strong way to end the poem, as you know. Clamp as an adjective is cool.
This passage:
Be patient, placid, prudent and proud
Thy shivery shiny bones shall sprout
Thy leaky heart shall be thoroughly fixed
The gold-frame, merrily-accompanied
Has much for me. Placid makes me think of a lonely lake (the movie 'Lake Placid'), then you go to 'shivery bones', a cadaver in that lake, 'sprout', now flora, creeping, twisting vines, 'leaky...fixed', it's artificial, a 'tin man' type association, to 'gold', something precious and gleaming, so far from the bones. I appreciate the experience.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Wow, Thadd. A very well written and inspiring review! Thank you so much :)
10 Years Ago
You have an eye, refined for detail, just as your pen.
I feel this as a call to live, despite all opposition and doubt...to enter into an inheritance, a right of birth... to embrace this which is given to us and against all the nay-sayers and unbelievers to wholly embrace all that life offers and believe we are worthy of every second of this fleeting life...to pick up our flag whatever it may be and unfurl it in the wind, with grace and deference, being truly that which we are. Just my thoughts. Really good!
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Kristina :) Thank you for the interest in my work!
I sense a political message here or military one before death. Whom do we salute, which cause do we value, at what cost you are trying to sacrifice???...A splendid poem..:)..........
frankness as never before,
disillusions as never told in the old days,
hysterias, trench confessions,
laughter out of dead bellies.
- Ezra Pound "Hugh Selwyn Mauberly"
more..