what do I.....

I look up to a photo on the wall

one face among the faces sets my skin a crawl

all my life it's hung above me

a mystery I longed to solve.

How can I make that smile

-in life so rare and broken-

flit across that face?

That question opens up the flood.

for days I allow myself to ponder

as I watch the world fly by through the pane.

The path the questions lead is fraught with danger

I know

I've set down it twice before

and ended only with tragedy.

This time I allow myself the walk

at once guarding and interrogating my heart.

For this moment I peruse my fantasies

indulge them while not wholly giving in.

what might be may not

but still i must know

What is it I truly think about the face above me?

love? no...at least not quite.

admiration? yes, yet it is not the childish adoration I once had

Pity? nay- empathy...sometime i see myself through those eyes

days pass as each question asked is quantized

every emotion behind it weighed

each memory balanced carefully

against the scale of nearly fifteen years.

at last I come to my conclusion.

the hypothosis is not proved

nor has it been disproved.

where that person is concerned

there is a chink in my armor 

A soft spot that might spread.