5.

It seemed as I was stuck in this time period the worst things in my life, no my existence kept happening. Each one worst than the last. Her hopelessness, her pain, I thought those where terrible. Then I thought watching her scream was the hardest thing I had ever seen in my life. But now I thought otherwise. Watching her cry was harder.

Watching her cry had all of it. She was in pain, she felt hopeless, and her tears were the substance that proved it.  And it was because of me.  

She was still awake after four hours into the night. She had been crying all day and now night, a total of thirteen hours. And all I could do was watch and cry inside.

That hurt. For the first time I damned the idea of being a vampire. The same feelings I felt in Edward almost constantly since he met Bella, I felt now. I wanted to cry so badly and I couldn’t. I wanted to help her but I couldn’t. I could barely touch her without the urge to kill her. I hated this feeling. I hated being a vampire!

She hadn’t stopped crying. Her pain still rocked around in her body. I could still feel it. But that’s okay. I deserved to feel the pain I had inflicted. Damn! I wanted to take it from her. And put it on myself. She didn’t deserve it! She wasn’t a monster! I’m the monster! I deserved the pain!

She stifled whimper. And was silent for a moment. I didn’t dare to look up from my position on the ground, against the wall. She was silent for a long while. The silence was unnerving after the many hours of weeping.

“Dear God, if there is a damned God, please let her be asleep, please let her rest.” I whispered quietly as I slowly looked up.

She wasn’t asleep; she was staring at me with those large blue eyes.

“Damn God, can’t you be helpful for once.” I shouted, looking back down again.

It was silent for a long moment.

“Jasper?” She asked, her voice was weak and wavered.

I looked up, not sure what my face looked like.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, her voice cracking.

I shook my head silently. “No.” I whispered. “It’s not okay.”

She closed her eyes and relaxed slightly. “I forgive you.” She whispered, slurring her words as she fell into sleep.

I felt her body rest and whispered. “Thank you.”

Her eyes still closed, she smiled; just a tiny little smile.

That was my undoing.

I slowly sat up until I was standing over her. As carefully as possible I climbed over her to the other side of a bench that served as a bed. I sat down next to her, careful not to touch her. Then, slowly I removed her hair from her neck, whispering. “I hope you don’t mind.”  She smiled again. Then slowly I bent down, my lips touching her neck gently.