Nightmares Start Upon Waking

The desire to sleep till things are better... (Dec. 2013)

Nightmares Start Upon Waking

Hope holds my heartache

Coos to me my mistake

Cradles me to all my lows

Flocks my dreams in murdering crows

 

If I call you here will you be disappointed?

To your happiness will I be anointed?

I’ve already crawled into my coffin

And from its remove I dream of you often

 

But kisses wake with dry lips

Touch slips away with cold fingertips

The only traveler on my skin is tears

They catch and drown me in lonely years

 

In sadness I look to your picture

And next to you I wish I were

But it’s not my face there making you smile

Instead a beauty with hugs that pile

 

It makes me sad for wanting your love

Wishing that into your life I could shove

With poems, letters, and songs that linger

Dreams, gifts, and memories that grow on fingers

 

Am I wretched for casting out my desires?

Trying to ignite your heart in a million fires

I wish I knew where all this was heading

For uncertainty is my constant dreading

 

Can I touch your heart with words?

Is this effort simply absurd?

I want to craft my work upon your skin

Allow me to show my love without chagrin

 

But for now each line cuts deeper into my veins

When next I see you what will remain?

Can you love what’s open and broken?

Or are you saying “no” with words unspoken?

 

I’ve wrecked myself and cannot eat

I wither more with every week

I write to myself of all my pain

To another weakening absent your frame

 

I try to believe that I can hold on a little longer

That soon I’ll know about what you ponder

But my love seeds misery into your ventures

And grows an obsession that never cures

 

So I’ll lay myself into another cold sleep

With the constant lullaby of my weeps

And I pray that I will never wake

Because in my dreams my misery you forsake