Dead For a While

Trapped in an abusive relationship.

Disconnected and discontent

The charred remains of my soul

Harbor a bundle of dormant rage

Longing for overdue release.

  

Patiently waiting for the floor to drop

Provoking the gods and never adhering to STOP

But life won’t let me go,

You won’t let me go.

 

But here in the darkness

The place I’ve come to love

They know me

My emptiness shines on kindred spirits

I don’t have to wonder what’s wrong with me

Because here in the darkness,

There’s nothing wrong with me.

 

I can’t keep hiding,

Building this fortress of deceit;

Darkness is not a convenient disguise

It’s where my heart truly lies.

 

I beg of you,

Let me go.

 

God,

Please

Just let me go.

 

I have to find a place among these ashes

So I can rise like a phoenix from the remains.

 

But if you stay

You will surely be my demise

This is where our legend dies

But darling,

Don’t cry

We’ve been dead for a while.

 

 

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Feeling very scattered so not the smoothest of words, sorry. Thoughts are welcome.

Reviews

[ashley k carrithers]

yo, I guess if "we've been dead for a while" is you self prescribed "out" so you can be let go.......i.e. you can let yourself "go" (and I imagine you already have - of course you have.....right?)

best line? "charred remains of my soul" YAY

thanks,

ashley

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Wow! An incredible piece. "Because here in the darkness,/There’s nothing wrong with me"

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you so much :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

It was a pleasure.

[Angi]

Sometimes we long for sleep so deep that nothing touches us but the oblivion. It is ok to feel scattered, Kristin. Writing it out can only help you get centered. Angi~

[Kristin Lee]

This is true. I didn't realize I was holding on to these feelings from so long ago until the pen decided to have a mind of its own.

[Angi]

I know! Sometimes I write things that surprise me. I am working on a hrd one right now. I don't know if I will have the courage to post it. It is good for me to get it dowm though.

[Traci]

This was a very tough read, and I'm sure for you a very tough write. No need to ever apologize for feeling scattered, nor words that may not have been the smoothest. The real beauty I see in this piece is the raw emotion, the honesty you portray as you wrote from the heart and soul. Each word is not only read, but felt through your imagery and heartfelt words.

"But here in the darkness
the place I've come to love
They know me
My emptiness shines on kindred spirits

Kindred spirits gravitate toward one another, longing for understanding, acceptance. As your emptiness shines, they comfort.

I don't have to wonder what's wrong with me
Because here in the darkness
There's nothing wrong with me."

In the darkness much truth is hidden. And it is where we find our greatest understanding of ourselves, and strength is found.

Such powerful words, leading up to a well penned closing "We've been dead for awhile." There are no shades of gray, this final sentence is laid out in black and white.

[Kristin Lee]

One of the few times I opted for now gray. Because in reality it was a turning point. Stay and die, or leave and live. I know it was a tough read, but it was even tougher to live through. I'm so glad you did read it though. Thank you, and thank you for the kind review.

[Traci]

My pleasure, it was an honor to read this piece, by one of my favorite writers.

Unfortunately abuse is a part of life, and I am no stranger to it. My mother was abused for years and I saw things as a child no one should ever be exposed to. Unfortunately she stayed with the man until the day he was thrown in jail for stabbing to death his brother. I also lost a dear friend who was murdered by her boyfriend. That is why I read this, I can connect to the emotions involved, and for years volunteered as an advocate.

I have nothing but love and admiration for you, Kristin. It takes a great deal of strength and courage to do what you have, you saved your life, and now have a chance to live life, and heal from the pain, through your writing. Hold on to those gentle spirits, they love and understand you, for you and will always help in the healing process. Wishing you only the best, my friend.

[s y e]

Wow, this for me, was a tough read. I couldn't imagine being in an abusive relationship. It was a tough read and a tough write, I'm sure but you done it. It was dark and haunting. It's like your heart was bleeding on the page, begging for an out. This just took my breath away. Wow.

~ Noodle

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Noodle. It was a very tough write, though it came out much easier than I thought it would. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and for your kind words.

[s y e]

It's always a pleasure.

[Frieda P]

Very dark and haunting, this one begs and pleads for peace. I think very often, it's not death we yearn for but the tranquility of not having to deal with our own inner demons, you've written that angst well Kristin, I felt myself losing my breath as I read this one.

[Kristin Lee]

I think that's pretty apt. Peace in any form would do. Thanks so much for reading and for the kind words :)

[brandon]

I felt every word you wrote, so deep, so emotion. your line, I don't have to wonder what's wrong with me because here in the darkness, there's nothing wrong with me. I think it's something we've all felt at one time or another. very well put! thank you for sharing

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks so much Brandon. I think we all look for that place where we feel whole. Finding it is another story :)

[Keith LaFountaine]

Powerful words that force themselves into the mind, forcing one to cogitate upon their meaning. You have a great amount of emotion in this piece, and your final line is great. Excellent work!

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks so much Keith

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, but this is very good because it is from the gut...and it feels so real...this is something sylvia plath could have written and she certainly would have related to this, given her relationship with Ted....

nice work.

i like the natural pieces that just flow out of our hearts.

jacob

[Kristin Lee]

Wow, Sylvia Plath. Another of my favorites. My first novel was inspired by The Bell Jar. Thanks so much Jacob for the amazing compliment.

[Vikrantsingh]

Kristin - This is very touchy and deep inside felt while reading. You have deeper and better understanding to stance of such work.
I loved it.
Will check other work soon :)

Cheers!
Singh :)

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks so much Singh, I really appreciate that.

[Vikrantsingh]

You're welcome :)