Experimental Overture

An experimental play on words

Daisies, sunshine, grass, a meadow

 

All the words of light before me

Contain the world’s joy, as if they

Were capable of curing all ills.

 

But the ones within my head…

            The vexing whirlpool

Converging light and dark

Cannot comprehend

This single minded plight.

 

It seems too simplistic,

All too…altruistic.

 

            If the world is made up

Of smiles, love and feelings

            Then what place do I have?

 

The fringe, the grey,

That steady and constant place in-between

That is where I belong

You cannot have light without the dark;

Black after all, is the sum of all colors.

 

            And so instead of your happy fallacy

            I propose this truth:

 

Underneath sunny skies

In a meadow filled with daisies

My broken heart does lie.

Wound in mounds of tall and tender grass

I yet smile.

For through the cracks in the dry and arid dirt,

I can sense your love.

And in this moment of purest delight

My world is right.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Reviews always welcome.

I felt like a lot of my recent stuff had been very dark. So I was playing around with "happy" buzz words. This was the experimental result.

Reviews

[Cool Handless Luke]

it is happy. just not in a blind ignorant hallmark sort of way. it speaks of a happiness discovered despite, and i would say almost because of all the pain experienced. the format was broken but i think it works as this and italics etc lend to different states of being and thought process. well done kristin.

[Kristin Lee]

Exactly! I was experimenting with the italics because all the words in italics end up in the proposal at the bottom...they were my buzz words. So I was trying to set them apart. And the brokenness was probably a reflection of how broken I felt trying to force myself to write something so out of character. I'm just not a sunshine and daisies kind of girl, lol. Love to read about them, just can't seem to write about them.

[Ezra Mazzaroth]

An exceptionally well wrought experiment on words. Thanks for sharing this.

[Parsimony]

It is like an orchestraic overture of words and images.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you, I'm so glad you caught that aspect of it :)

[Astro]

We all know what happened to the ugly duckling dear. Sometimes the blackest soul in the world needs to cherished for its own qualities that balance out the light and allow it to continue shining ever brighter evermore. It may not be your cup of tea, but it was tastefully brewed.

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Astro. Not sure how I feel about that one, lol but I know what you mean :)

[Astro]

I just meant your talents shine through you onto the page, whether it is heavy burdens you describe or fits of elation.

[Kristin Lee]

I figured that was the jest ;) Thank you.

[Astro]

You're welcome.

[Dhaye]

An experiment to start a happy chant...ended with something which shows you are at the midst of happiness and gloom...the gray part. Well, we cannot control ourselves if that's our nature. It's very difficult to pretend anyway. Just be true to yourself. There's nothing wrong in writing with dark or negative themes. All poems are products of our own creativity here. That's your style, so continue and enhance what you have.

Well penned, Kristin. :)

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Dhaye. I think these are the kind of responses that I really needed. The grey and the darkness are ok. I'm so used to non poetry people reading my stuff and freaking out, thinking its a direct reflection of how I feel right now, when in realty its usually just an echo of someone I used to know. I appreciate your kind words and your support.

[s y e]

Your words are happy but the mood is a little darker, I loved it though, I loved how you put that little bit of dark and happy and mixed it up. I agree with what FP said as well. :-)

~ Noodle

[Kristin Lee]

I am so glad you saw the mixture. Like I told Frieda, I did start out with every intention of making this a happy poem, an experimental overture, since my work is mostly dark. But it felt soooo very foreign to me that it end up somewhere in the middle. The grey area. That mixture between light and dark. Which I'm discovering, and accepting, works for me too.

[s y e]

I think you're good at what you do, if you 'tried' to write it happy and all it would seem forced and sometimes that comes across to the readers.

[Rita L. Sev]

The happy words are there, but the mood is more ironic - here are the portents of joy, and here is how they are only illusions... I like the contrasts. Interesting form, good read!

[Kristin Lee]

Always shades of grey...I can't seem to help it. Thanks, as always, for the feedback.

[B-poet]

You've articulated this one indeedly well. A profound and endearing truth is very heartfelt when the reader reaches the ending. Great write. A riveting read. :)

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Bpoet :)

[Frieda P]

As the heart wants what the heart wants, so does the muse, you said you wanted to write a joyful piece because they've all been dark, first off I have no problem with that, as long as it's coming from truth, I can usually feel the work...but you ended up with grey skies anyway here. Love this one but it's hardly light Kristin.

[Kristin Lee]

You know my writing well :) I started off wanting to write something happy. But every attempt felt so foreign to me. So yes it ended up grey. Grey is my true nature. The mix of both light and dark. I can't help it. It is what it is :) Maybe someday I'll churn out something happy...if I do, everyone will either die of shock, or we'll all know its invasion of the body snatchers...or something like that :)

[Sami Khalil]

I like the contrast between the two philosophies that you have conveyed here and your choice of the other one that works for you the best ...I say more power to you...Well penned...:)

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you Sami. I was trying to capture the shades of gray that we all feel from time to time. Not dark, but not happy. Just somewhere in-between. And to convince myself despite all the happiness that everyone writes about, that its ok. When you've seen the horrors that I have, grey is a richer medium than any other shade.

[Sami Khalil]

I totally understand... Good stuff...You are welcome...:)