Collateral Damage

Suicide is not a victimless crime...there is always collateral damage

A lifetime has passed since that day at the lake

I spend day after day surrounded by loved ones

That I don’t consciously hate

Yet each time I enter this masquerade

It’s clear that I am soulless and alone

A marionette dancing upon your stone.

 

So toss back another fire whiskey  

Shared always with the devil,

That’s the price we all pay

To stay sane for another day.

 

Shadows have become the blankets

That retard the spinning in my head

Their concealed folds open up to me

And I dive into their delicious void,

All anger succumbs to the loss, but…

Behind it all, I’m still annoyed.

 

No kiss can heal the wounds that I’ve endured

They fester and rot, unseen by the common herd

I should be afraid of this fast lane life

But I don’t remember what simple is like.

 

When you slipped under the water

And demons devoured your light,

They stole more than just your life.

 

In your selfish haze you never stopped to consider

The collateral damage your death would deliver

For in your wake there was one final blow;

The finale to your grand exit

The murder of your Children’s souls

When we found your body adrift.

 

So toss back another fire whiskey

Always shared with the devil

That’s the price we all pay

To stay sane for one more day

 

But pull my strings and watch me dance

Rapping upon your grave,

The soulless marionette you left behind;

Collateral damage, in this endless masquerade.

Author's Note

This is an experimental piece. For 23 years I've been told I need to talk about what I saw, but I'm not a talker. I found a poem I wrote when I was 9, but it was so juvenile that I didn't want to share it, so I wrote this instead. Thoughts would be great. Yes there are lots of metaphors an parallels in this one again.

Reviews

[Frieda P]

A huge sigh to this read, I have no adequate words to say how affecting this one was. I know your pain personally, you've written it poignantly and elegantly on the page but it is anything but. The pain that keeps on giving long after and beyond. Thanks for sharing this one Kristin.

[Kristin Lee]

I know this ones hard, but I really appreciate your feedback Frieda. Its the one topic I've never really been able to write about. Thanks for being so supportive.

[Frieda P]

I'm glad you were finally able to pen your feelings, it's best to purge these beasts or they blow up in our heads. You're very welcome.

[Jack...]

Like soft clay our minds are molded by things that we see, often at an early age. Your poem today (I realize I am late getting around to this) has jarred something lose in my mind that I have kept locked away since the 5th grade. As I now look back all of these years later I realize I somehow had the ability as a child to block it, now only to have it resurface. Though, it was not suicide, it was still death and, well, your poem does capture these inner demons very well. You have done a wonderful job with this poem.

[Astro]

Where do I begin? I was bombarded with images of my own life with your words drawing me into your carousel of emotion. This is a touching tale and heartfelt message about the ones left behind and how life never erases the pain, we wear it like a hidden tattoo which we share with but a few. Coping mechanisms and manipulations are strong topics to get out so, it is understandable that it took you a longtime to put this into words. The meter was different but the poem rhyming didn't take away from its content. It made me miss someone that I have lost in a similar fashion, and now sit looking into the blanket not sure if I want to or, whether having a drink might be a better option.

[Kristin Lee]

I know its a really rough topic, and I am sorry that it brought up such hard feelings for you. It took me 23 years to pen this one actually. If ever anything I can do, I'm here.

[Astro]

What can any of us do, but press on. Perhaps in future we can lighten each others load beyond the world of reviews and comments. Don't be sorry though, be proud that you could get it out or, at least some of it.

[Kristin Lee]

Some of it, lol. I'm sure when Labor Day rolls around I'll be a hot mess like I usually am. Some things never change no matter how many times you write them out of existence. Perhaps some day we will lighten each others loads beyond the world of reviews and comments. Then again you did call me a cheeky minx ;)

[Astro]

Mmm hmm I did. My perceptive abilities rarely miss the mark even when they look through electronic lines. Well here's hoping your Labor Day is lighter than usual. Stay strong and keep up the writing I can see it helps.

[Rita L. Sev]

Powerful piece, Kristin. So many people are affected by a person taking their own life, and they never consider what it may do to these others. You have written the helpless frustration and its aftermath very poignantly.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you :)

[Sami Khalil]

"Shadows have become the blankets

That retard the spinning in my head

Their concealed folds open up to me

And I dive into their delicious void,"
That is some good poetry...:)

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Sami.

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This is a great depiction of the feelings provoked by suicide and the mix of disbelief and anger it provokes.

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks so much John. it's always a tough subject for me to write about without going off on a rant. This one feels really jerky to me, but it could be just because its such a soft subject.