Lied

Are the covers really safe?

Tucked safely beneath the covers

The most innocent of illusions takes flight

Drenched in the warmth of cotton

No evil shall touch this night.

 

But as I wander aimlessly

Through the labyrinth within my head

Searching for sweet thoughts

To carry me off to bed

The perils of this innocent illusion

Become sparkling clear,

Evil is lurking right here.

 

This foul adversary is malicious

Insidious to the core

Following no rules or regulations

He pays no attention

To whether its day

Or whether its night;

Evil will claim your soul

Whenever he likes.

 

Tonight’s the night he comes for me

I can tell by the urgent scratches

Ripping at my closet door

Pulling the covers tighter

Clinging to my life

Choking on the rancid taste of fear

I can almost see his words

As they cut through the dark

Riding on his stale and stagnant breath

           

“Mephistopheles has come for your soul.

            Child, you can not hide.”

 

Who ever said the covers were safe…

Lied.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Reviews are welcome.

Reviews

[Imara]

On first reading I notice that you start out with a rhyme scheme then you lose it. Did you do that on purpose?our third stanza was flowing so nicely then these lines ind of mess it up, "To whether its day/Or whether its night;" Rephrase it in another way maybe to help keep that awesome flow you had going.
Overall I love this dark poem and the fact that it sends us back to our childhood makes it even scarier! I know we've all hid under the covers before I don't care who you are. I love this, the word choice, the flow is amazing (expect for the previously mentioned spot) and you ending is perfect. A great way to tie it back together! And it begs the question who told us that hiding under the covers would protect us? Awesome job! :)

[Kristin Lee]

Hi Imara. To answer you question, the poem goes in and out of rhyme on purpose. It's a tool to reflect the fear flitting through the dark. When we are happy and calm we tend to rhyme. When we are afraid our minds are more spastic. And the stanza about evil is particularly broken because evil doesn't take just one form, it can look like anything; so again the loss of rhyming as fear creeps in. yes these are very deep and intentional placements of emotional word use/play within the poem and they will throw many readers who are not looking for the subtext. But that's what I wanted :) I'm glad you saw the visual distortion and stopped to ask.

Thanks so much for stopping by a giving your thoughts. I appreciate the overall awesome review.

[Imara]

Ah! That makes sense I was wondering about that. Makes sense, using the form of the poem to further express its meaning is not something I frequently see on here. I'm impressed even further. :)

[Sabrina Alexandra]

Beautiful.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you so much.

[Casner P]

Like this a lot. I love how you start off the poem with an innocent and safe tone but you slowly progress into a frightening and menacing tone. The build up to that is great and you do a great job through the use of vivid details to explain to us exactly WHO we are dealing with and what this entity is about. The added quote “Mephistopheles has come for your soul. Child, you can not hide.” is just another great touch to add to the frightening and menacing tone. Personally I believe you can never go wrong with using your title as the last word in your writing, so I also enjoyed that. The more I write about your poem the more I realize that I thoroughly enjoyed it. This is a very good poem, keep up the good work!

[Rocans]

Wonderful stuff being penned here. I thoroughly enjoyed this write. Mephistopheles is a character I mentions in some of my works as well, I was pleasantly surprised to see you mention him/it, since I don't see it being mentioned often. Good write :)

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks very much.

[Traci]

A very chilling haunting write, loved it.

"Mephistopheles has come for your soul/Child, you can not hide"

The perfect ending to another well penned poem. Great job, Kristin. I am quickly becoming a big fan of your work :)

[Kristin Lee]

Wow. Thank you so much!

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Lucidity of the setting and biting atmosphere has been drawn immediately, a harrowing and prolific poem, well done.

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks so much!

[QuietlyCrash]

Wow this is chilling. It's beautiful and haunting. I love it.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you very much.

[Angi]

Don't tell me the covers aren't safe! Gaaa! I need them to be safe. If I get something creepy in my head before bed, forget it. I might as well just stay up. ...and not even a pinky toe can hang over the edge of the bed. That is certain doom. Well done on creeping me out, Kristin! Angi~

[Kristin Lee]

Sorry :) Hope you weren't too creeped out Angi. But glad you like it.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

"Mephistopheles has come for your soul/Child, you can not hide" -- these are beautiful lines, and tragic as well.

A dark piece that illicits feelings of bedroom claustrophobia. Reminds of a little of the "monsters under the bed" or in the closet that I used to fear as a child. Well done.

[Kristin Lee]

exactly what I was going for :) Thank you.