Prickly Hands

When life seems against you...

The prickly hands of life have a vice like grip upon my chest.

Her red painted lips are hell bent on sucking the precious dreams

I have straight from my breath.

 

The harder I try, the more I bleed.

Oceans of tears water worthless seeds.

 

I’ve been standing in my grave since the day I was born.

Trust me, when I leave there’ll be nothing to mourn.

In the condition she’s left me, I fear little to none.

In fact, I would rather die a thousand deaths,

than let anyone take from me, the words that inspire

the heart that beats within this chained and battered chest.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading. Reviews welcome.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This seems and feels extremely honest and emotional. I feel what you are writing, in the way that you describe the way it feels when things are taken from you and how it can feel as though nothing is left. So sad, but tragically beautiful. Well done, my friend!

Technically: I would take out the word "like" in the first line "...of life have a vice grip upon my chest" and the next line "Her red painted lips, hell bent on sucking the precious dreams". Just some thoughts.

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks, interesting food for thought...I appreciate you stopping by and giving feedback :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

A finely crafted storyline and content, simply compelling, well done.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you so much.

[Rita L. Sev]

Really well done - that last stanza could stand alone as its own poem. The line "I’ve been standing in my grave since the day I was born..." speaks of a strength born of having nothing more to lose. Great write, Kristin!

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you! I actually just watched Les Mis so I can't take too much credit for it since its a play off one of their songs. "Look down, look down, your standing in your grave." It was stuck in my head the whole time I was writing this piece.

[Sami Khalil]

Rest assured you have good friends that care about you among others in your life...Well done...:)

[Kristin Lee]

Oh, I know I do. Some of my writing may be dark, but it's not always as dark as it seems. This particular piece is about a fighter. Thanks Sami as always for the feedback and the support.

[Sami Khalil]

Good to know...You are welcome...:)

[s y e]

"the heart that beats within this chained and battered chest."

This line shows someone who is going to fight, who is going to be in control and not just give up. This write was great and really powerful!

~ Sye

[Kristin Lee]

You got it! a fighter indeed :)

[s y e]

Woo, thank goodness. Thought I had this one wrong, ha. :)

[Kristin Lee]

You were spot on :) Sorry it took so long to respond. I've been totally slacking in my duties. Too much stuff going on.

[s y e]

Don't you worry about it, we all have a life outside the cafe. Take your time, sweetie.

[Angi]

Chained and battered chest, huh? The last lines show me a fighter! As she stands in her grave, she is not afraid! She would die a thousand deaths before letting anyone take her words. They inspire her very heart! Yes! Kristin Lee! Angi~

[Kristin Lee]

Yes! That's exactly it. Thought the world may be against her, she will not give up.

[Cool Handless Luke]

Very nicely executed poem with vivid imagery...

"The harder I try, the more I bleed.
Oceans of tears water worthless seeds."

Great lines!

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you :)

[B-poet]

Angst and decisiveness at its best here. Nice job illustrating this within your compelling poem. Great job. :)

[Kristin Lee]

Angst indeed. Thanks so much for stopping by.

[Frieda P]

I felt the anguish in this one.....

Her red painted lips are hell bent on sucking the precious dreams

What a line, loved the entire write, it really wraps it up as far as when life beats the heck out of us!

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks. I used to feel this way a lot. So when I get sucker punched like I did out of the blue it makes for some interesting writes. Glad you liked it.

[Frieda P]

I know exactly what you mean...my pleasure.

[Jack...]

When life seems against us, do we find a time to realize that it may just be oursleves leading the charge. These lonely and desperate feelings build walls around us so that we may not see any farther than this place that we stand or sit or kneel. Very nice Kristen. You have deep penned emotion in this poem.

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Jack. It was one of those days where life really hit the fan.