As I Drown

The waves of the ocean extol my story

They crash like a rag doll, brittle and torn

A kindred spirit to hold my hand as I mourn

My rage severs the damp still night,

Fed by shared obstruction, and drive

Maybe, even a little fright.

 

Feet in the sand, Amber laced beer in my hand

I’m consumed by the pain, Oh God the pain!

It’s a mottled image of erosion and decay

Pulling me tighter into the clutches of a delicious disaster!

The devil’s gone and devoured my heart,

It was so rude of him!  I never offered to play that part.

 

In this state of discontent I’ve nothing left to give!

Sorrow’s become the basis of my absolute truth,

The singular commandment that wields all prophecy

Preaching of what’s yet to come, and man, is it bleak;

There will be no tomorrow,

Only the endless sounding of dispiritedness.

 

The waves of the ocean will extol my story!

As I crash like a rag doll, brittle and torn

Smashing my head against jagged rocks

A blood smeared can that once was mine,

The only evidence of an ugly existence

Floats haphazardly nearby;

Must be some cosmic joke, for it to float

As I drown.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, reviews are always welcome.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love the oxymoron, "delicious disaster"

interesting repeating of the rag doll idea...the waves crash like one..and then i crash like one, having been thrown around and torn...and now feeling total depression that drowns me...but i love the waves..they crash with me.

pain revealed here..nicely done.

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you. I was working with the idea that I wanted to feel at one with the waves...volatile, dangerous, weighted down....But, I also know the ocean also has a fragile side, which is why I chose the words brittle (like a brittle star fish) and torn.

[Rishabh Shaw]

nice one...

[Kristin Lee]

Thank you

[SHEEMA HUQ]

HI Kristen, your opening first line grabbed me instantly, much of your language is exquisitely, complicated and visual, I found this to be a powerful piece,
Also; for some reason this reminded me of a Hollywood film from the 1950s, featuring Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster perhaps, called ' From here to Eternity'
It just has some of the dark qualities that resonate with McCarthyism and film noir from that era, pardon me for rambling....

[Kristin Lee]

I can definitely see that...the tragic side of romanticism can be felt throughout life, not just love, perhaps that's what's coming out in the pen....Thank you for the fresh view :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

I am glad that you appreciated my thoughts Kristin :)

[Astro]

Gorgeous, I was a little caught on your use of 'extol' because it is such a heavy piece and hence the watery descent into oblivion. I wasn't sure if you were saying that the waves would *praise* your story, or, *eulogize* it. By the end, I think sinking beneath the waves in a far from "unbearable lightness of being" sort of way, 'extol' must be in the sense of a eulogy. Sombre, yet beautiful as many of your pieces are, by how you deftly caress the page with your poetic pen.

[Kristin Lee]

You have such a way with words. Thank you.

[Astro]

As always, I bring sunshine where there is rain, and boom of thunder over hot heads. You're very welcome, and thank you for saying so.

[Jack...]

Very deep and imaginative. Oh the pain, I wonder, is it really physical or perhaps a mental pain tearing at the soul, memories that keep washing in with the tide? very good Kristin, a lot can be read into this.

[Frieda P]

Sounds like an affair of the heart gone bad, left floating in memory while drowning the thought. Not usually crazy about exclamation points in poetry but I think it works quite well with this piece. Nicely pen'd Krisitn.

[Kristin Lee]

I always thought it was funny that poets didn't really use exclaimations, and then I realized most works don't need them. This one though I felt cried for them at certain points, it was the crescendo in the rhythm/meaning, like the waves crashing against the rocks...I'm glad you liked it :)

[Frieda P]

I do agree, they work well here, I don't really like using any punctuation at all, but sometimes it's necessary, since people can't read what's in my mind! ;-)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Dark and guilt riddled piece. We all regret things we have done,choices we have made and this describes the feeling of being mere flotsam tossed in the cosmic waves. Helpless yet sinned.

[Kristin Lee]

This was another revamped piece originally written somewhere around 95-96. And yes, talked a lot about choices, drinking which symbolized drowning in guilt the more I looked at it. It took a little reworking but this it what came out of it. Hope you enjoyed it :) Thanks for the ever constructive review.

[icelandicblue]

You've got really interesting contrasts here. The term delicious disaster really stuck with me. The contrasting images at the end- the bloody can floating and you drowning feels like the ultimate cosmic joke. Great read.

[Kristin Lee]

You got it! That's exactly how it's supposed to feel. Thanks for reading.

[Sami Khalil]

"There will be no tomorrow,

Only the endless sounding of dispiritedness.



The waves of the ocean will extol my story!

As I crash like a rag doll, brittle and torn

Smashing my head against jagged rocks"
This write is drowning me in the beauty of your words and imagery. I like those lines and the title is great...
Thank you for penning...:)

[Kristin Lee]

Thanks Sami. It's been a day for writing. Thanks for reading.

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure . Any time...:)