Love?

One of the few things that can either lift you to highest of heights or destroy you piece by piece.

She woke up in a daze, staring around her empty room. The bright rays of the afternoon sun shone on her face as she groaned and got up to shut the curtains and banish any light, she was used to all the darkness in her life. For a few seconds, the darkness engulfed her as nothing was visible to her, but the temporary blindness appealed to her, why? She didn't know, she couldn't understand anything or anyone nowadays, sometimes even herself. Maybe that's why her bed had become her sole companion, it was the only thing that understood her. 

The constant buzzing of the alarm woke her up again, it was already evening. She didn't want to get up, she just wanted to lay on her bed and never get up, the world outside was too cruel. But the stomach overpowered her fear, forcing her to abandon the comforts of her bed, her apartment and venture back into the cold, cruel world, 3 blocks away to be precise. The bar owner, upon her entrance immediately got 2 bottles of Heineken to her table as she sat there again, like every evening, with her drinks and thoughts to keep her company. She loved looking outside the magnificent glass window of the bar during the evenings, she loved watching the contrast of the bright neon lights and signs against the black sky, they seemed to complement each other perfectly. She also loved watching people go about with the daily humdrum of their lives, men and women returning to their homes, taxis zooming by and honking each other, but she saw that sight again, the one sight which she wished to avoid but never could. She saw it again.

There they were, some starcrossed couple walking happily together hand-in-hand, their eyes smiling at each other. She felt sick to the stomach, how could they do this? Why is it that she had to bear the torture of watching such people every single day of her life, it only gave her all the more reason to lock herself up in her apartment. People who were happy in love scared her. Tears streamed down her face easily as she looked at her scar-filled arms, her reflection showed a woman with a face that seemed to have aged way beyond her years, this wasn't her. But what could she do? She had brought this upon herself, and nobody was to blame but her, after all who could blame something like love for her pathetic condition? 

Love; in movies it involved a sudden breeze and slow-motion actions between the two lovers, in novels it would be long paragraphs beautifully describing the whirlwind of emotions going on within the characters, in real life it was completely different... Love was him, his eyes, the way his wavy hair fell over his face, the grin he would make to make her laugh, the lame jokes he would crack just to see her laugh out loudly. He was love personified, he meant everything to her. But was that love nothing but a web of dark and deceitful lies? Was there something wrong with her? Did she do something to offend the all=powerful love to deserve such a punishment? 

She watched the couple until they disappeared from sight, are they even aware of what love is? How deceitful can it be? Love was all the late nights she stayed awake crying because she missed his presence in her life, love was being right next to him and yet worlds apart, love was watching him ignore her existence like it didn't matter to him, love was all the times he ignored her insecurities, her feelings and tears. Love broke her down piece by piece, one awful chunk at a time, slowly and bitterly. And the worst part was that she didn't try fighting, she let him rob her peace, her sleep, everything that mattered in her life. Was he just a b*****d who didn't actually love her? Or was that love just not meant to be? She knew the answer, she had always known the answer but chose to be blind, it was a whole new level of insanity. Love is a drug which she overdosed on and suffered the side effects of, but it was nobody's fault but hers. Love was torture, love was punishment, love killed her.