i'm scared

I’m scared.

The moment I look into your eyes, I am gone. They lift me to a place where there is no gravity, no sound, and no walls. There, it is only you. Only you looking at me, and my eyes taking a swim in the irises of your own. The ebb and flow is endless, and your eyes are forever deep. You hug me and it’s like all of the tiniest bubbles have come racing towards my skin and linger there, trying to break through the surface. The electricity of your touch ignites everything in me, and I suddenly find it hard not to feel as if I’m going numb. The bubbles under my skin vibrate as the sound rushes out of my ears, leaving a vacuum filled with both silence and song.

I’m scared.

You reach over and drape your arm across my body, and it’s like the world’s softest relief. I can feel all that’s inside of my mind level out, and my body follows suit: decompressing, releasing, and calming until it’s as though my atoms have settled within their spaces. The tightness in my chest is intense, but also nice. The feeling is akin to that of a heart bursting, breaking open with light and fullness. I reach for your hand, and your slender fingers suddenly surround mine, encompass mine, each tiny movement you make stroking the stress away.

I’m scared.

I tell you it feels comfortable. You think I mean your body, which would be true, but really I mean that I can feel the way your soul interacts with mine; it’s like they speak the same language, learned from a time long ago. It feels like i had been searching all along, without ever realizing it, until I lay my head on your chest. Your heart beats loud, and I wish I could whisper back to it that I understand. And I also hope. And it is unsettling and confusing, while also being the most calm and sure of something that I’m sure I’ve ever felt.

I’m scared…

but I look at you, and suddenly I’m not anymore.