Why.

I wanted to sleep. I remembered this was the, what, third time? Taylor and I broke up. I got into the shower and went to sleep. I woke up in the morning and when I was finished getting ready for school, I went into my kitchen for breakfast. Taylor was standing at my front door. Of course, how predictable. I rolled my eyes and he sat at the counter. I poured myself some cereal and milk. I offered Taylor some silently and he shook his head. I finished, brushed my teeth and walked out with Taylor. We still haven't said anything, but I climbed into his car. I didn't know what I was doing, but it was like I was being pulled. I was still in love with Taylor but I didn't want to be. We got to school and I went to my locker. I got to homeroom and Taylor was sitting there, not moving. I got into the seat next to him and then the bell rang. We all went to first period, which I had with Taylor, and we didn't present our scene from A Midnight Summer's Dream today. I kept throwing glances at Taylor and I felt like I was going to cry everytime I caught him staring back. The bell finally rang and I went to music. Then, math and language arts. When I got to the cafeteria, Taylor was sitting silently at the boys' table. I sat next to Mark, one of the boys I met on the first day. I never really talked to him.

"Hi, Mark." I said, I saw Taylor glance over from the corner of my eye.
"Hey, Katrina." Mark had a confused tone in his voice. He was probably wondering why I was talking to him.
"I never really got the chance to talk to you." I smiled at him.
"You're right." he shifted his body towards me. "What's up?"
"Nothing, kind of... depressed." I said the word a bit quieter so Taylor wouldn't hear, but I think he did. I saw his eyes get teary. Mark looked down at his lap. "How about you, Mark?"
"I've been good, I guess." The bell rang right after he said that.
"See ya." I said quietly.

 

I got my stuff and headed over to art. I started painting some flowers and just relaxed.
"Very nice." Mrs. Cole commented on my artwork and smiled.

She walked away. I just continued painting. The bell rang and I cleaned up my area until it was spotless. I got a late pass from Mrs. Cole and went to gym. I barely moved around and I just moved when the ball came to me during volleyball. I went to the locker rooms to change and then the bell rang. I went to study hall and went to a computer. I didn't bother looking for Taylor. I was typing a poem I needed for language arts due tomorrow. Someone sat next to me and I looked up to see who it was. It was Taylor and his body was facing mine. I looked at him and raised one eyebrow. I turned my body towards his. He cleared his throat a bit.

"Sorry." he said. I narrowed my eyes.
"You hurt me. Again. I don't want this anymore." I said to him.
"I know, I know. But nothing happened yesterday. I just went surfing, that's all." he replied.
"With people I hate."
"You don't hate Stephanie."
"Still."
"I'm still really sorry, okay? Just forgive me and kiss me and everything will be okay." he said. I opened my mouth.
"Excuse me? You think it works like that?!" I said.
"It normally does."
"No, I don't forgive you. I'm sick of this."
"You love me."
"No, I don't." I lied.
"You're in love with me."
"No, I'm not." I lied again.
"You love me. You will love me forever." Tears were building.
"Stop it." I said, begging. My tears were flowing down my face.
"You know it's the truth." he said quietly.
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do. Because I feel the same way and I always will, no matter how many times I want to kill myself whenever I hurt you. I know you'll never leave me because I can never leave you after we fight. But, if you really don't want to be with me anymore, okay. Fine. I'll try to give up on you. But I'm in too deep so I won't succeed and I'll never, ever stop loving you. I'll always have strong feelings for you. Even if I get married, have kids. You'll always have a spot in my heart. I love you. I'm in love with you. And I am forever yours. You can come back anytime. I mean it, I'll go back to you in a heartbeat." Tears were falling down my face and I was so speechless. I hugged him and he whispered in my ear, "Marry me." I pulled away and he held out a little navy blue velvet box. He opened it and there was a small ring with a little diamond on it. I started hysterically crying.
"I-I-I c-c-an't." I managed to say. Tears were rolling down his cheek now. The bell rang and I picked my stuff up. I left the library. Left Taylor. Crying. I went to my locker and Frankie was waiting there. I wiped my eyes and walked up to him.
"Katrina, are you okay?" he asked me.
"I'm fine. What are you doing here?" I sniffed.
"I needed to talk to you. Katrina, I know Taylor's not right for you, but I definitely am. I know how to treat you right and you know that I'm the one you want. Please, take me instead of him." he said.
"I love Taylor. I always will. Forever and ever. No matter how many times he hurts me. He said he'll try to give up. But he's in too deep and he'll never, ever stop loving me. I'll always have strong feelings for him. Even if I get married, have kids. He'll always have a spot in my heart. I love him. I'm in love with him. And I am forever his. He'd take me back in a heartbeat anytime. Anytime, he promised." I tried as hard as I can to say the same thing he said to me. "I don't want to leave him, but I should. I love him so much, Frankie and I'm not right for you. You need someone who will love you and who won't be in love with someone else." I said, still crying. Frankie nodded and walked away. I ran back to the library as Taylor was walking back out. I ran into him and hugged him tight.
"Bye, Taylor. I'm leaving. I decided. You need me out of your life forever. You need to stop loving me because I'm not right for you. You may be in love with me, but things aren't working out. I can't marry you, I'm too young. I just need some time without you, Taylor. I promise you things will go back to normal right after I leave. I'm going to start searching for auditions to movies so I can get tested out of school." I said to him.
"No. Don't." he begged.
"I have to, Taylor. It's the only good things for me and you. See you later." I tried to pull away but his arms were too strong. "Ouch, Taylor! Let go!" I yelled at him. He let go of my body, but held my arm tightly. We got to his car and he drove to my apartment building. He came into my apartment and slammed the door shut.
"Why the f**k do you think it'll be okay if you left?!" he yelled.
"Because you need to stop loving me and I need to stop loving you! It's not right for us, Taylor! Leave me alone! It's over and it will be forever! I will always love you, Taylor! You know that, but I can't do this! I need to leave here!" I screamed.
"Don't leave me, please." he said quietly.
"What do you want me to do, Taylor? Keep getting my heart broken? No, Taylor. Never. I can't be broken anymore. I'll commit suicide because of you! Just watch!" I said. He took a step foward and his face looked soft. I stepped back a bit and he back away.
"I never meant to hurt you. Things come over me, Katrina. Shouldn't you know that? I love you, baby, and I'll never be able to let you go! I need you."
"F**k it, Taylor. Just get out of my damn apartment." I said to him.