When Love First Came

just a simple account of my first love & first heartbreak

Love first came to me quietly

Breathing on the back of my neck

Whispering his question with caution

Begging to be let in

 

It came to me with hesitant

Footsteps

Keeping careful count of

Each move he made

Not wanting to break eye contact

Avoiding fast gestures

In attempts to tame me

 

When love first came

To me I didn’t even know

That he was inside of me

Until he was burrowed so deeply that

The thought of being without him made me feel

Desolate

 

Made me feel inhuman

A simple creature of

Barbaric origins

The thought of

“Without him”

Wounding me on a level that

I could not yet comprehend…

 

When love first came to me

 

I was blind to

Anything dark

Blinded by his everything

When I closed my eyes

His spirit filled up the frame and

It was all tinted with this

White light and I remember thinking to myself:

“Could this be heaven?”

 

When he came to me I was

So damn young

And I knew on some deeper level that

I was walking on landmines but

I just kept going

Barefoot and oblivious to the fact that

Forever didn’t actually fit

Into any real sentence

 

So I wiggled my feet in the dirt

Instead of proceeding with caution like I had

Previously planned

And I unknowingly opened the gates

And let love set its roots in my

Soil

 

All the while ignoring the fact that

Nothing lasts and

15 years is not a

Solid foundation for

Anything…

But by then I had already

Lost the battle.

 

When love first walked out on me I

Did not hold my head high

I got down on

Both knees and I

Begged him to stay by

My side but he was

Already half-way out the door with his

Arms in his sleeves and his

Laces tied tight and

 

I was sitting alone

 

Curse words burning in my

Throat and snow on the ground

I was sitting

Alone

And all around me they began to

Explode

 

Selfish little landmines

Loaded with his sounds

And his scents and the lessons

He taught me

And then I was introduced to this new

Sort of physical pain

As if my heart had

Ceased to beat

 

As if I could not breathe

Or eat or see or even focus for more than one second

On anything because I could only find

Solace in my dreamless sleep

 

And I still woke up every morning

With tears in my eyes

Author's Note

Review away! (please!)

Reviews

[1 Deep]

This poem is a well told story of how you felt when you became attached to someone who wasnt there to stay. I'm sure most people can relate to feeling this way at some point in their lives. You were very descriptive of your feelings and emotions here.

[written in blood]

gut wrenching, it almost make one feel like not even falling in love in the first place, it's such a sad story when it ends.. tragic how you can put your whole being into a relationship and when they leave, you are left with a shell and they took your insides with them!!! UGH.. this moved me very deeply!!! you did an amazing job for doing that!!! great write

[kookoobananas]

thank you so much!! i'm glad my writing could have that effect on someone! it means a lot to me! :)

[written in blood]

*my pleasure

[sithlordjp]

A complete story arc, from the hesitant, quiet beginning, to the unavoidable loud and destructive finale, you took us on a full emtional journal. A long piece, but each new stanza keeps our interest, hopes and fears, going... A great read, thank you for sharing!