The I Don't Love You, I Love Him Poem.

This is about a boy I casually dated my senior year of high school, while secretly lusting after someone else.

I don’t know what I wish for, but I don’t think you’re it. 

Don’t get me wrong

I think you’re very attractive

And during anatomy class when she talks about the different muscle groups, I think of your bare chest and back instead.

How it looked in the dark of my basement

Or in the back of our friend Paige’s car

(It looked very lean and sexy, if you were wondering.) 

And believe me, when that’s on my mind I can hardly focus on anatomy. 

Which I’m sure you can imagine isn’t too good for my grades. 

I like your eyes too, so really

Don’t take this note the wrong way 

I think you are lovely

Just maybe not enough… 

But back to your eyes: They’re a nice blue, kind of greyish

And I could go on and on about your teeth. 

(I love the way they point down in a nice sharp angle on either side, it makes your smile suggestive)

And I like the broadness of your shoulders. 

(But wouldn’t any girl?)

Which is why I’m thinking

This isn’t anything special…  no offense.

Because you do make me laugh, honest

And we had a lot of fun that one time

In the cold on a Sunday

Trying to catch that train

(Even though we knew we were going to miss it)

And I obviously am attracted to you

But…

It doesn’t feel the same

As when I look into his eyes

Which could be the same “nice” blue as yours

But seem to peel back each layer

And melt into this other more

“Divine” blue

Simply because

Something is different

And I’m sorry to tell you this, but I don’t know what it is

I sort of wish I knew, so that I could kiss you some night

Or some afternoon

While I had nothing to do

But the fact is

I don’t think about kissing you every fraction of every second

Of every day

After I’ve kissed you once

And when I think about the last time I kissed him

I fall just short of breath

And I want to write it all down on a piece of paper

Or tap it all down on a keyboard

Or document it somehow

Because I want to be able to hold that feeling

I want to be able to have some sort of evidence

That it took place

Do you sort of understand?

With him it’s not trivial

There is no do I or don’t I?

There is just this feeling that my insides are too large for my exterior to hold

Like I am pushing on the boundaries

That sew my internal organs together

And with you it’s just different

I do not mean for this to be an insult

Like I said you are a wonderful guy

And if you are hurt that is okay

And if you aren’t that is okay

(Because this boy I am talking about may not love me)

But the world will go on

And this doesn’t mean you aren’t special

But you just aren’t what I wished for.

Author's Note

go easy on me, first time sharing my poetry! the style is relaxed, kind of a monologue-ish feel to it... meant to be read aloud I suppose

Reviews

[Malcolmveli]

I thought this poem was very fly. The tone was very conversational (which I like). I like how you are just putting your feelings out with ease and finesse. In fact I might write a poem in this style just as an experiment.

Your poem also is just real on the human relationship level. The struggles that someone goes back in forth with in their head between liking a person who is physically, and sexually gratifying, but something is missing. Most people don't stop at that point they may even go on to engage or marry that person knowing intuitively, that something missing I can go on and on but Great Poem

[1 Deep]

Good write. I've had a girl I worked with read me a poem with the same message as this (nowhere near as good though). And she is married now to the guy she was cheating on. Just goes to show relationships are very fickle. We like one person, we like another, then a different person, or all at the same time. Nicely descriptive non-rhyming peice here. Thumbs up.

[quinfinn]

not a bad write, quite engaging and deeply personal, but gives the reader a sense of being there. i like it. i think i know your cousin, kookoofercocoapuffs....thank you for sharing!