to love a girl and God

a small spiritual crisis.

i was made to believe that it was not possible
for me to love a girl and God 
though that night i decided i was through and took too many pills i heard Him
in her voice and i loved them both when i realized
i was still alive

my body stayed weak for days and for weeks after
the weight of my dresses pulled me to the ground while i was told
that i was a worthless f****t
and a filthy dyke

i hid underneath flowers and bows and prayed
that no one would find me
and i began to believe
that i was not real