Forest of Eden - Part One - A New Beginning

The only thought on Kit's mind was to not stop running or look back. She could feel it getting closer, the icy breath making her skin crawl along her collar. Just a little further and she could turn the corner and slide through the small hole in the wall between the azalea bushes. She was so close, not even ten feet away, when she turned the corner she dove head first with arms outstretched sliding through the hidden place as claws brushed her shirt like something had tried to grab her. She had made it, she was safe. No one could find her here.
    

She had found her secret place when she was very small, like something inside her told her where it was. It was the one place she felt comfortable, at home even. She began to relax and rested against the wall catching her breath. Kit jumped when she heard the crunch of rubble.
    

"Who's there?" she asked holding her breath. A little girl peeped around the corner from across the room.
    

"I've been waiting for you Kit," she smiled and reached her hand out for her to take it. Kit had no idea what was compelling her to think so, but she knew there was something odd about this little girl, she was small with dark hair and plain features.
    

"Who are you?" Kit whispered.
    

"I will tell you after you follow me. I want to show you something," the little girl turned around descending into the darkness without waiting on Kit. She didn't want to but she felt like she had no choice. So Kit followed the little girl into the darkness, but what she didn't expect was the light coming from the back room.
    

Once she entered the room and turned around she could see the light wasn't from a candle or torch but from symbols glowing around the edge of the archway. When she turned around again looking for the little girl she found her sitting on a pallet next to a hunched, cloaked figure in the corner. Kit could hear soft, raspy wheezing coming from under the cloak.
    

"There you are girl, I thought I'd keel over before you showed up."
    

Kit kept looking at the figure waiting for her eyes to adjust to the shadows, "Who are you?"
    

"We're your family Kit," the old woman and little girl said in unison.
    

"That's impossible, my family is at home in bed," Kit retorted.
    

"It's far from impossible," they said and the little girl and old woman began to glow becoming one form.
    

The woman that stood before Kit now was astounding, absolutely breath taking! She had the same dark hair and milky complexion as Kit. She even had the same red fleck in her right eye.
    

"I am Persephone daughter of Demeter and wife to Hades, as well as your mother. I have come to protect, help, and guide you. Your father knows of you and he is looking for you."
    

"Was that what was chasing me, my father?" Kit stood there in shock letting it all wash over her, penetrating every corner of her mind.
    

"No, that was not your father, it was one of his creatures, vile things they are. They do his bidding with the utmost loyalty though, it's no wonder he prefers to use them."
    

"Well then mother, what should I do, they have obviously found me, nearly had me in fact," all Kit could do was tremble in fear as she spoke. It was real, it wasn't her imagination something really did try to get her tonight.
    

Kit's mother wrapped her arms around her, "I've come to take you away child." Kit and Persephone began to glow, changing into a wise, pitch black raven and an innocent, pure, white dove. They flew through the arch into a new world, a new life, a new beginning.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I see by this that you're a very good story teller who also has the literary skills to put it to paper. With that said, you're missing quite a bit of important punctuation. A good, thorough edit should do it.

"she dived head first" I think "dove" would be better.
"had went to grab her" Should be "gone to grab her" or "something tried to grab her"

[K.N. Thorn]

Thank you for the review and the editing help. I will be sure to go through it thoroughly once more. Now that my mind has rested from this piece for quite awhile I will probably be able to see my other mistakes more clearly also. Thank you for the compliments as well, they are very encouraging. :)

[K.N. Thorn]

I think I got it right this time. Thanks for your help Mr. Samuel. :)

[Samuel Dickens]

You are very welcome.