Run away

Run Away

The cold winds ripped through my skin filling me with chills. I didn’t bring my jacket this time. I was almost home, it was morning. I could picture my father waiting up home with hands itching to hurt someone. He wouldn’t call the police though. He never did, he hasn’t cared when I run away not since I was about nine years old. I came up on my block; small apartment’s filled one side of the street and the other masked by a thick tangle of tress. The forest, I hadn’t been inside for a while. When I was younger it was my sanctuary, I would run in there and hide when dad was drinking. My hands felt as if they would have frozen the door knob as soon as I touched it; I slowly took my key out of my pockets.

My fingers were stale from frost bite, I opened the door and all I saw was a flash of black. It was as if I had fallen onto some strange planet that hadn’t seen the sun in many years. My father had heard me struggling with the door and hit me as soon as I opened it. It took a second but the world regained color and there my father stood right hand in a fist, 40 oz. of beer in his left. There was a lump in my throat that refused to go down. My knees were a cellphone on vibrate getting constant calls. He stood there and looked at me, hate in his cold eyes. His eyes had lost life a long time ago, they were just pale windows filled with hate now. He was no small man. He seemed to be the height of a sky scraper towering over me right now. “Where have you been” he stumbled over the words terribly. You could probably smell the alcohol off of him from miles away.  My nose filled with the smell of sweat, throw up, and urine. I was going to be sick, here stood the man responsible for my birth, who now spent so much time drowning in oceans of alcohol he didn’t even have time for showers. “Wouldn’t you like to know” I had put way more sarcasm in my voice than I intended. The wrecking ball came back around to finish the job it had started. He his fist flew towards my face I dodged the hit.          Here was my chance; years of pain at his hands could be avenged. I swung my fist quickly at his face. The punch had hurt my hand badly but I didn’t stop, I threw my fist at him again, this time my left. My left hand struck him hard in the temple he stumbled back. There stood the man responsible for countless bruises, broken bones, bumps, and scars on the bodies of me and my mother, and there he stood hunched over in pain by my hand. I grabbed him by the throat; my hand resembled a wrench around a tightly turned bolt. I picked up my other fist, he looked at it. Then I saw something terrible, the man had fear in his eyes.

 I dropped him and grabbed a sweater and went for the door. Had I been no better than him?  As I came near the door, I heard something come from the room I just left. I reentered the room he was no longer on the spot on the floor I had left him. I was a deer stuck in headlights. I was too afraid to move, I slowly turned to walk out the kitchen then next thing I knew it I was on the floor bleeding. It felt as if someone had dropped an anchor on my head from fifty feet above me. My father had swung a frying pan as if it was a baseball bat and my head was the ball. My head was a water balloon that had been punctured by a small needle, it would not stop leaking. I knew my father would not been like me. He would not have any mercy. He was a bull mindlessly racing after the color red. I was a hapless matador crippled under the weight of the raging bull. My father’s hands closed around my neck pushed me up against the wall and his grip got tighter which each word he spit out at me. Each word was a bullet making wounds that would scar forever. His breath which was such a foul odor it made my eyes tear. “If you ever. EVER. Put your hands on me again, I promise you. I will not loosen my grip.” He let go of my throat, I was like a shirt that had fell off of a clothesline. I dropped instantly to the floor. I stayed there for hours, too scared for movement. I was petrified. My father had beaten me plenty of times but never had he threatened my life, nor had he ever nearly taken my life.

 About 3 hours later I got up; my father had left after attacking me. I ravaged through my closet looking for something that would cover my father’s paw prints on my neck. I found an old green sweater; the dust on it caused me to sneeze. Blood had come out of my mouth when I sneezed; I cleaned it off, and then went to the bathroom to clean myself up. Years ago I had brought many first aid kits for times like this. I reached into the cabinet and gently pulled out a small first aid kid. It felt as if it had weighed a ton. I had been weak from the gorilla attack I received earlier. I first pulled out a bandage and wrapped it around my leg which had been sliced open and looked like the cocoon of a butterfly after abandoning that temporary home. I grabbed rubbing alcohol and gently sanitized the area. I hissed at the sting of the alcohol. I applied pressure and numbed the area. Then I pulled out the dead skin.  The dead skin helplessly dropped onto the napkin I had put out for it and sat there. It had reminded me of earlier. I had been to my father as this dead skin was to me; it could be discarded at any minute. I sewed the numbed area shut quickly before it had worn off and I would feel the pain. I learned this from my mother who feared if she went to the hospital they would send the man she loved straight to jail. Sure is a funny way of showing your love mom, letting your son constantly be beaten savagely, and then abandoning him to be beaten so more or worse maybe even killed?

 The small apartment was quiet. It was about 4 pm. Dad would not return home until later than midnight. I went to my room. My body ached everywhere. My stitched up left leg felt as if someone was holding a pack of lit matches on it. The apartment looked as if someone had been killed in it, there was blood everywhere. Shards of glass blanketed the floor, and overturned furniture all over the place. I suddenly thought about her. Kate, she was the only thing I had to look forward to in my crappy life. I thought about how her sides felt next to mine. I am a complete stranger to love. Between being covered in scars and bruises all the time, girls had never paid me much mind nor did I them. Kate was different, I was absolutely certain of that. I trusted her to see through the scars and bruises and see me for me. However how could I expect her to do that when I, myself didn’t know who I was. She probably will see through the bruises and scars and see a coward. I could be a lion all the time around her it would not matter, when my father came around I was a kitten. I knew as long as I stayed with my father I could never be with her. I had to make a decision and I had to make it fast. Would I rule my kingdom as king of the jungle with Kate, or stay forever a kitten in the abusive hands of the cruel tyrannical ruler that I call my father. I quickly packed my things my mind had been made. I grabbed everything I could see. I needed things that would cover my marks, the last thing I needed were police questioning me. I jumped in the shower. The water felt like acid pouring over my fresh wounds. The pain was immense. Time had been flying by it was ten o clock I had to leave. My father would be home soon and if he saw my bag he would probably beat me to the point that my stiches burst.

 I walked out the door, the cold wind chewed through my thin sweater. I had no idea where I was going and it felt great, I knew that wherever I was going there would be no beating waiting for me there. There would be no family waiting there but when have I ever had one of those. Even when mom was around she was too drugged up on pain killers to pay attention to me. I didn’t blame her she got the beatings worse than I did, without pain killers I don’t know how she could have coped. Even with the pain killers the pain was terrible for her. The sounds of my mother screaming in out in immense pain in the middle of the night still fill my nightmares. She would scream out in pain and then receive the beatings that caused her shrieks again until she was quiet. I couldn’t decide what was colder, the chills sent down my spine by the fierce November winds or the ones received by recalling the horrific events of my child hood. I suppressed the memories along with a few tears, I needed to stay positive. If the tears had come out they would have frozen immediately after revealing themselves. I crossed the street into the forest. The suppressed memories were coming back.

  All of a sudden I was nine years old again running into the forest to get away from my father. I can still remember that day. It had been the last time I ran into the forest. I had come home from school to find my mother being held at knife point with my father at the other end of the knife. “Leave my mother alone you monster” I proclaimed valiantly. “Well you want to be a super hero do you boy, well here’s the thing about hero’s boy, they always get hurt” It was the scariest thing I had ever heard my father say. My father had been doing more than drinking that day. He had drank a lot and done cocaine, not a good combination. He put the knife down and came after me. At first we were at a speedy walk but then it turned to a run, my small legs could not carry me away from my father effectively I knew I had to do something to get away quickly. I was a rabbit scurrying away from a wolf. I quickly climbed out of the window in my bedroom; our apartment had only one floor on ground level so this was easy for me. My father was too big to fit through the window he ran around to the door. My bedroom window directly faced the forest I bolted into the forest; my father chased me for a little while but then returned to the house. I still ran deeper and deeper into the forest for fear that he was still there. I stayed in the forest for hours until the police came and brought me home, my father had reported me missing. As soon as they left my father delivered a terrible beating to me. My mother took me to the hospital, the doctor told her had I been out any longer in that could I might have died. She got into an argument with my father that night. She tried to stick up for me. He mauled her like a wild animal. She was a mother bird trying to protect one of her chicks from a bear. That night was the last night I ever saw my mother before she left. Before she left she whispered in my ear for fear of my father hearing “I will come back for you some day, save your tears until that day, and then we can grieve together”.

 It’s been eight years since that day. “WHERE ARE YOU MOM?!” I yelled it out into the empty forest, my voice echoed through the trees. I longed to hear my mother come out from the tree’s and tell me she’s okay. At least then I’d have somewhere to go right now, someone to face this fear with. Instead I was alone in that forest. I had been walking in the forest for hours before coming out on the other side by the high way. I had been walking for hours already. Based on the lack of cars, the night sky, and the time I had been walking I judged it was about 1am. I unpacked a blanket from my bag and there I lay on the floor. How I wished the wolves would find me and drag me off. I would have served a better purpose as wolf food then as a person.

 Several hours later I awoke with a start. The ground below me felt like ice. My bones had turned to ice. The sky above me was a blue ocean above me. Cars were buzzing past me. My whole body ached. I was covered in more dirt then the rocks around me were. I got up slowly. It was Sunday afternoon. I quickly shook out my blanket and packed it up. I had to get moving, I had no idea where I was heading but I wasn’t about to stay there. I had a dream about Kate. In the dream I had met up with her on Saturday of next week at the vacant parking lot we had met. It was going great, she looked amazing. She was wearing a beautiful princess like dress. I was wearing a suit. We kissed, it was magical. Then it all went downhill. My father arrived, He beat me down terribly, and Kate stood there laughing at me. “How can you expect me to be with you when you can’t even stand up for yourself” she said menacingly. The dream was horrifying.

 I grabbed some loose change I had in my pocket and got on a bus. I was headed to Kate’s house. Kate would know what to do. I arrived at Kate’s house at about two o’ clock. I knocked on the door and she arrived at the door. She looked as if she had just woken up. Her beautiful brunette hair was in tangles, her hands wiping her eyes. She looked surprised to see me. We hadn’t talked since my birthday, it was hard for me to stand in front of her and ask for help after what happened, but she was my best friend. As if she had read my mind she said “Come in. What did he do this time?” “I left the other night, and when I came home he was waiting for me with a beating” I responded sadly. “Isn’t he always?” She said softly. “ Except, this time I hit him back, I had him by the throat but dropped him, I wasn’t about to stoop to his level, after I dropped him I left the room , came back in and he mauled me like an animal, then threatened my life if I ever hit him again.” She looked surprised “let me see the damage” she said insistently. I pulled up left leg on my sweat pants to reveal the stitching I had done, Then I took of my sweater to reveal a sea of black and blue, and two hand signatures on my neck.

“You can’t let him get away with this” She said sounding extremely concerned now, “He’ll kill you Nick, he won’t stop until your dead can’t you see that!” She was shouting now. I felt at my true home when she showed that she cares about me. She smelled so sweet and felt so warm, it was like putting on a sweater that just came out of the dryer. “I left, this time for good” she looked happy to hear me say this. “Where will you go?” she asked. “I don’t know but anywhere is better than there” I responded confidently. I didn’t know where I was going but that wasn’t what was on my mind, I was thinking about what my father was doing right now. He was probably drinking his life away. “You can stay here tonight; my parents won’t be home until next week.” I was so grateful to hear this.

“Kate about my birthday, I'm so sorry” I tried to make up for what I did but I knew I couldn’t. “Nick, I don’t want to hear that, I throw everything at you to make you happy and still you can’t even show me you love me” Kate sounded angry now. “I’ve never really been happy Kate! I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve you either.” I sounded as if all hope had been drained out of me. “You can be happy and you deserve to be, I’ve seen you happy, are you saying it was all fake?!” her tone got louder and louder. I looked her in the eyes and said “Really? When have I EVER been happy, I’ve spent my life miserable being screwed over by people who are supposed to love me.” I didn’t mean to say it as cruel as I did but it was already said. Kate looked broken upon hearing this. Her beautiful eyes became covered in tears that turned them from hazel to gray. Her smile disappeared. I felt like we were going to drown in her tears in that room. She looked at me with heart break in her eyes and said “Nick… I don’t remember screwing you over! Am I not good enough for you Nick!? I’ve spent my whole life being there for you. I’ve loved you my whole life, but you never cared, you have always been too busy trying to be better than your father!” She was yelling now at the top of her lungs. We were at war now. Rain clouds formed in my brown eyes. The weather on my face was changing, it was pouring all over my face. Kate and I made enough tears in that room to fill an ocean. I approached her and tried to apologize to her. “Kate. I… I'm.” I couldn’t finish. She was right I never let anyone in. Kate had always been there for me but I hadn’t ever even told her I love her after five years. “Kate, I’m scared, I’ve always been scared, I'm insecure, and I'm selfish. I'm terrified that people who love me will always let me down like my mother and father, but i know you will never let me down.” I paused and came closer to her. Her tear filled eyes met mine and for a moment the clock on her wall stood still. “Kate, I love you.” Her eyes widened and I wiped the tears off of her face. I went for the door; I opened it and walked out into the cold. It was pouring raining now. I had more tears on me than rain drops still. I was almost at her gate when I heard a footstep in a puddle behind me. It was Kate. I turned around came close to her, we were centimeters apart. I put my arms around her resting my hands on her lower back. I forgot all about the girl I had met. It was Kate and I together in the rain now. She pulled me closer, getting rid of the last centimeters of the small distance between our lips. I tasted her, I smelt her, and I felt her heart beat. I tasted her salty tears mixed with mines. Long after our lips become separated I still felt her lips on mine. I had longed for love all of my life but never before had I realized how close it had been.

 Kate and I went back inside. It was late now she made us some food. We ate in silence. Nothing needed to be said; we had thousands of conversations in the one kiss we shared. I was getting tired and so was Kate. I went into Kate’s room. There was pink all over the place. The last time I had been here was 4 years ago. It still looked the same. Kate crawled into bed. I found a spot on the floor. I was a lost puppy that had just found a home. It felt like I had spent centuries searching for this moment. I fell asleep on that floor and there was no place in the world I would have rather been. I was half asleep when Kate crawled next to me on that floor and put her arm around me. I turned, kissed her, and then I started dreaming next to her.

Author's Note

edited. And I changed the storyline alot.