!9 years old

19 years old

            Today is just another normal day for him I thought. I knew very well that my father was not going to remember that today was my birthday. I didn’t expect him to. I don’t care much for birthdays anyway. It’s been years since I received a gift from anyone except my best friend Kate. Kate was the only thing I had to look forward to in my life these past few years. Before I met her I had nothing, and even with her around I still feel like I have nothing. It was just another cold day for my father Ruben Ramirez. Snow had come to Massachusetts early this year. The streets everywhere were covered in layers of snow.  I lay in my bed looking at my ceiling hoping an angel would burst through my plain white ceiling and take me away. Take me away to a happier place, away from everything I’ve ever known because none of it was ever that good anyway. I jumped out of my bed and into the shower. As the water beat down on my sore body I felt a sting in my cheek and watched as the water washed a scarlet river down my face. The water was running across the new wounds my father had left me from last night. The scarlet river had already traveled past my legs and was heading into the drain. I watched the blood pour into the drain. It made me think how easy it was to lose something forever. The blood had run away from me and dived into the drain. My dreams, my hope, and my goals had all done the same a long time ago. I got out the shower and turned it off. The water came out weaker and weaker as I turned the knob until it stopped completely. Was this what was going to happen to me eventually? Was my father going to make me weaker and weaker until I would be done completely?  I stared into the mirror. I shot a dirty look at the man staring back at me, he returned my glance. Who was he? He had stopped being Nick Ramirez a long time ago. Whatever little character was left in him had been beaten out years ago. I kept looking at myself. When had my eyes become this lifeless? How could I be so dead but so alive? Was I just a ghost wandering the surface of this earth looking for lost love that I was doomed to never find.

I put on some clothes and headed downstairs. My footsteps echoed through my silent home. My father was not home but he would be soon. I didn’t want to be here when my father arrived. I went into the kitchen and reached into the fridge to get some breakfast. The fridge felt cold compared to the house that felt about eighty degrees because of the heat. I pulled back from the fridge. My head was telling me that I was not hungry. I walked over to the thermostat, sweating in October I thought to myself. I reached up and turned the dial. The old dial made a loud clicking sound every time someone rotated it.  I made my way back to my tomb. It wasn’t my bedroom any more, that I was sure of. It was the tomb I buried myself in to hide myself from my father. My room was a mess. Everywhere I stepped I was tripping over clothes and other things I had left all over my room. I danced through clothes to get to my closet. I opened it slowly for fear that an avalanche would fall out on top of me. I opened the closet and a shirt fell to my feet. I ignored it and dug through the closet. When was the last time I cleaned in here I asked in my head. I found what I was looking for, my jacket and a pair of jeans. I through on the jeans and found a shirt to throw on. I grabbed my jacket and then went downstairs.  It was quiet downstairs in the living room for a minute until I heard a sound come from outside in the drive way. I peeled back the shades carefully and saw that my father was pulling into the drive way in his large black ford explorer. I zipped across the room and grabbed my jacket. I didn’t know if my father was drunk or not and I wasn’t about to wait and see. I hurried around the kitchen into the hallway and heard the door open in the front. I threw the back door open and scurried out quiet enough so that my father would not hear me.

 The cold smacked me in the face as soon as I walked out of the door. I wasn’t expecting it to be this cold outside. I dragged my feet through the snow and out of the backyard. I looked around at all the passing by cars. They were headed to work I guessed. It was about ten in the morning. I walked down the block towards the Bunker Hill monument. It was my favorite place to go in Charlestown. I’ve lived in Charlestown, Massachusetts all of my life. I used to dream of someday leaving to go somewhere far away from here. I gave up on dreams in middle school. I walked and walked through the snow past frostbitten cars. I finally came to the Bunker Hill monument. The Bunker Hill stood tall watching over Boston. I sat there for a minute and then I headed inside. I made my way up the stairs. The stairs coiled upwards for what seemed to be forever. Having walked up it many times the large amount of stairs had little effect on me. I passed by many tourists who had stopped from exhaustion. I made my way further up and brushed my hands against the dark stony walls. I climbed up the stairs until finally reaching the top. The top was very small with a window for observing, and a circle gate below you that you could see straight through. You could see all the way down to the bottom. It was a long fall down. I can’t even count how many times I’ve come up here and wished to fall. I stood there looking out of the small window for about an hour before hearing a familiar voice from behind me. “Happy birthday, I had a feeling I would find you here.” I spun around and saw long flowing brunette hair. Two gorgeous hazel eyes stared back at me, with a smile that I was very happy to see. “You know me a little bit too well Kate” I said sounding surprised. “Five years is a lot of time to get to know someone.” She said in response. I came closer and gave her a hug. Her hair smelled nice as always. She leaned over towards the window with me and we stared out at Boston for a moment. “So, what amazing plans did you make this year Kate?” I asked with a hint of humor in my voice. Kate always made an effort to make my birthdays amazing. She knew what kind of birthdays I had in my home. “Let’s go get a coffee, we’ll talk about it there” she said calmly.

 We headed towards the snake like stairs. “I don’t know how you constantly walk up and down these stairs Nick” she said sounding tired. “No problem” I said while reaching towards her. I swept her up and started carrying her down the stairs. She was laughing too much to finish what she was saying.  Several laughs and stairs later I put her down. She playfully slapped me on the shoulder. We continued down the stairs, I never grew sick of these plain concrete walls. When we got down to the bottom the bright sun took me by surprise. We walked to her yellow Toyota leaving footsteps in the snow we marched through. I looked back at the foot prints. Kate’s feet made tiny little dents in the snow. Her yellow Toyota stuck out being surrounded by white snow. I jumped into the passenger seat and Kate started driving us through the ice covered streets. We drove past familiar stores and houses until we reached Joe’s. Joe’s was our favorite coffee shop. We have been going there ever since I took her there four years ago. We opened the door to the coffee house and the bell above the door rang. The sound filled the coffee house which was really empty today. “Hey Jack” I said looking at the guy behind the cash register. Jack was our friend, he worked the register on the weekdays, Jack, Kate, and I used to be like the three musketeers. We hadn’t really been that close with Jack this past year. Jack has been working at Joes for about three years. “Nick! Kate! Long time no see, how you guys been?” Kate put on a smile and ran over and hugged Jack. “Jack, you don’t know how to pick up a phone?” Kate said while playfully punching Jack on the shoulder.” “Dan I'm taking my lunch break early!” Jack shouted out to the counter. A short man came out from a room in the back and took Jack’s place at the counter. I walked up to the man and ordered two French vanilla cappuccinos for me and Kate and Jack ordered a large coffee light and sweet. I pulled out money to pay for it before I heard “Not so fast birthday boy, I got this” Jack walked over and told Dan to take it out of his check. We took our normal seat over by the window of the store not far from the door. “So any guess to where I'm taking you this time Nick” Kate said sounding really excited. “On a date” I said jokingly. Kate laughed and then asked “Where have you been saying you want to go for like ever.” I looked at Kate and then my eyes widened. “No!” I said way louder than I intended. “Yes” she responded. “Please tell me it’s a Celtics game!” I was yelling now. “Nick Ramirez, me and you are going to see the Bruins destroy the Pittsburg Penguins!” Kate yelled sounding really excited for me. “Kate this is�"“I was way too excited to finish my sentence. “Kate you are a damn good friend” Jack said to Kate. He sounded a little jealous. Jack used to like Kate so he was always jealous of me being closer to her than him. I watched Kate sip her cappuccino slowly. She made a face and pushed her cappuccino away. Then sounding alarmed she said quickly “We have to go we have Brunch reservations at one!” I laughed a little bit. Kate always got like this on my birthdays. She would plan a bunch of things and flip out when it goes wrong. We jumped up and Kate hugged Jack. “Don’t be afraid to call” Kate said to Jack jokingly. I knew I wouldn’t see Jack for a while. What happened to us I thought. Jack and I used to talk all the time. We were so close all through High School, now I see him when I want a coffee. Kate and I jumped up and headed out of the door, the bell above the door sounded louder this time.

 Kate swung the door open and held it for me. We walked towards her yellow Toyota “Careful its slip-” before I finished warning Kate I heard a loud bump. I turned around to see and upset Kate sitting on the ice. Kate had fell and gotten her pants wet and hurt her ankle. I walked towards her and she looked really unhappy. The Kate that always wanted to make my birthdays perfect came out and started talking about her ankle being messed up which would slow down my birthday. I reached my hand out to Kate and she grabbed it. I thought about how right it felt to have her hands in mine. Her hands were cold from the ice yet their touch still felt warm. She stood up with my help and I carried her to the car careful not to slip on any ice. “Jeez Kate you really need to learn how to walk, this is the second time today I had to carry you” I told her while laughing “shut up” she said while giggling.

I placed her down in the passenger seat and climbed over her to the driver’s seat. “Are you really that Lazy?” Kate asked while I was climbing over her. I laughed “it’s a long way around the car, and do I really want to end up on the floor like you a minute ago.” She hit me; she didn’t really take too good to that joke. “I guess you’re driving” Kate said. “Where to madam” I said with a poor British accent. Kate laughed at my corny joke. I was thinking about how she always laughed even if it was a lame joke. “First stop, that small place across the street from the book store” she said insistently. We drove through the ice and the ride was a fairly silent one. I was thinking for most of the ride. I thought about where Kate was going to take us today, I loved that Kate would throw everything to the side to do this for me every year. No matter how she felt she would always make me feel great on my birthdays. I loved her for that. Why do I never show her how much I appreciate what she does for me I thought to myself? How ungrateful of me I looked over at Kate she was reading a book. It was an old hardcover book, the book looked old and worn out in the corners. I poked her quickly and softly in her sides. She jumped up and playfully hit me with the book on my knee. “Brunch Is overrated Kate I have a much better idea, you want to give it a try?” Kate smiled when I said this. “Oh so you’re going to lead the way for once” she paused. She looked at me and gave me an okay let see what you got kind of look. “I like it, lead the way birthday boy”

 I turned the car around and headed to the best park I knew. Central Boston Common, it was one of my favorite places in Boston. I drove us through Boston. I love Boston at this time of day, so busy, so many people going so many different places. I looked over at Kate at a red-light. She held so many emotions in her eyes. I couldn’t read them. We arrived at the park in about twenty minutes. “Where are we going first?” Kate asked me. “Just follow” I said. Kate’s eyes changed a little, I don’t think this was the answer she was hoping for. Kate and I started walking through the park. The park is huge, it covers about fifty acres. We headed over to my favorite area the pond. In the winter the pond was frozen and used for ice skating. Kate wanted to ice skate but we couldn’t because her ankle was still hurting from earlier. “Another time Kate, I promise.” I said sounding sincere “I'm going to hold you to that” She said while smiling.

 I grabbed her hand and walked her over to the bench to watch the ice skaters. I sat down next to her and we watched the ice skaters. There was something between us, it was so obvious, and people were always mistaking us for a couple. I couldn’t help but think about my feelings for her. I have always had feelings for her, but I can’t do it, I can’t find myself giving her myself. She leaned her head on my shoulder and put her hand on my leg. We sat there for about twenty minutes before walking over to the open grass area. I went to the car and got out a sheet and returned and lied it down on the grass. Next thing you knew it Kate and I lay next to each other looking up at the sky. “I have to say Nick, I'm having a great time and it’s not costing me anything.” I laughed “Don’t I have the best Ideas” I told Kate. “I have an idea too, why don’t we just drive somewhere and just spend the night together, no one else just me and you.” I loved the idea; I wanted to be with Kate as long as I could without going home to my father. “Crap” Kate sounded worried. “The game” she said sounding upset now. I came closer to Kate and looked at her “Don’t worry about the game, we’ll get Jack to buy the tickets, I’ll take the night with you over the game any day” Kate blushed when I said it to her. I jumped up and offered a hand to Kate. Kate got up and we picked up the blanket then went to the car.

Kate got in on the passenger side and I got in on the driver’s side and drove us away. We headed back to Joe’s first. We got there in half the time it took us to get here. “Stay here I’ll be right back.” I grabbed the tickets and went into Joe’s. It was crowded now, I cut past people on the line and I could hear angry customers complaining that I had just cut the line. “Hey Jack want to buy some bruins tickets for tonight/” “Bro I have been trying to get tickets for tonight’s game for the longest!” he said sounding excited. After a short exchange of money I was out of Joe’s and headed back to the car. I got in the car to find Kate sleeping. I started driving, No destination in mind, just driving Kate and I to wherever the road would take us. I couldn’t stop thinking about Kate and me lately. I knew there was something there; I knew she had feelings for me. Kate has been staying single for years for me. She hadn’t told me this directly, but I just knew. I could see it in her eyes. The way she looks at me, a blind man could see Kate loves me yet I'm too much of a coward to show her my love. Kate started to wake “great way to celebrate the day I was born lazy” she laughed in the middle of yawning, it sounded funny.

 We drove for about three hours before coming to a small suburb. I didn’t recognize it. I pulled into the town and Kate and I got out. There was a small restaurant. Kate and I went in there and ordered dinner. We ate fast and didn’t have much time for conversation. When we walked out of the restaurant I saw a sign that said there is a lake nearby. “Kate lets go check out the lake” I said enthusiastically Kate said yes and we headed over to the lake.

 Like most of the Lakes in Massachusetts in the winter it was frozen over. The moonlight reflected off of the lake and the many stars out made a beautiful scene. Kate and I lied out the blanket again and Lay by the lake. “This is beautiful” Kate said, Kate has always had a weakness for pretty sights. I rolled over onto my side towards Kate and Kate did the same thing to look at me. “I bet you didn’t think our friendship would come this far when we met” Kate said with a deep look in her eyes. “No, but yet still here we lay together at eight at night, miles away from home, having a great night. You always make my birthdays great.-“before I could finish I saw that Kate was coming closer to me. She moved closer and closer until we were together at the center of the blanket. Her nose was rubbing against mine. Is this it I thought, Is this what I’ve been searching for. Before In an instant faster than I could react Kate’s lips were on mine, for a moment I kissed back. I felt great, It was the best birthday I had ever had. I hadn’t felt this good since the night we first met the last time we kissed. Kate’s lips were attached to mine and seemed like they would have never detached if I hadn’t pulled my head back. How I wish I didn’t but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t do this, Kate and I had too much, I had too much too lose, falling in love with Kate would ruin everything, at least that’s what I was thinking. I pulled my head away from Kate and backed up. The dimples in her cheeks disappeared with her smile. The hazel in her eyes became blurred by tears that rolled down her cheek and landed on the blanket. “Kate, I just can’t do that, you want a relationship with me and I can’t give you one. Not now. Every part of me wants to give in and kiss you but I have too much to lose.” Kate’s tears seemed to worsen hearing this. I was dying inside, I didn’t want to do this to her, her heart was breaking and I could easily stop her pain yet there I stood watching her cry. Kate tried to speak, she tried to defend herself but she couldn’t, she lay there with me allowing the heartbreak steal her tears away. “You give me everything you have to offer Kate and I'm just not ready to give myself to you like you have for me. You deserve someone who will” I said trying to stop the tears from coming out of Kate’s eyes. It was useless, she wanted me and I knew that I wanted her. I could have grabbed her and kissed her and took away the pain. Instead I made it worse with useless words. I stood up and offered Kate my hand. She took it up; I could feel the tears on her hands. We walked to her car past the restaurant and through the small neighborhood and got in and I drove us back home. Unlike the ride here and the rest of my birthday we were silent. The sound of Kate’s sniffling and wiping tears were the only sounds in the car. When we arrived in Boston about two miles from my house I got out and Kate took the wheel. I told her goodbye and she drove off. Tonight had taken a terrible turn for the worse, and I could have stopped it. I love Kate more than anything, And I want to be with her I thought, But there was just a part of me that wouldn’t let me. I walked through the cold night. I didn’t know where I was going. I just walked.

Author's Note

if youve been following this story this might be a little confusing, this is the new second chapter and the second chapter before is now the third chapter.