Iris

Iris is in

Iris was running down the corridor of the castle. She could hear her breath with each step as she pushed faster and faster.

I have to get out of here. I have to get to him.

She thought to herself. Her giant white wings were spread out as ran; she passed giant statues, pictures of the royal family. Walls of white blurred by her as she came to a stop and listened. She could someone else, their breath and their footsteps on the stone floor. Closing her eyes she began to focus and tried to remember what her tutor had begun to teach her about the new power.

“Iris, you need to stop.” Her eyes stayed shut, but she knew the voice.

“Remiel.” Her voice was a soft whisper. “You need to leave. You do not know what you are doing.”

“Iris you are the one who does not what they are doing.” His voice was powerful and strong, she heard the sound of his sword being taken from its pouch, and he was ready to fight her. She felt the power building up inside her; the words from her teacher rang through her mind,

You are filled with great power Angel, you will destroy, but you will also do much greatness.

Her eyes opened up as the power shot from her, it came in a burst of light, bright as the sun. Remiel was thrown back into the wall with a great force. He came to a stop on his feet, kneeling down. Their eyes met briefly before he charged at her. She drew her sword and spun around. They crashed together as they danced around the hallway.

“Remiel please.” She whispered to him, “You did not see what I did; I would not do this if I did believe justice must be served. We are Angels, to protect humans is our honor, and those who danger them need to be punished. He is to follow the same rules as all Angels. He must be punished.”

“How could I believe you? You are not trustworthy; you are in love with one of them.”

“Am I not here Remiel? Did I not stay for my honor, for my family? I chose to watch the only being I can ever, in my entire life, however long it may be, leave. He had to go back to his family, and I will never be able to be a part of his. I would do anything for my people, and for the good of the world. I follow my oath, and my honor.”

“But he is.” Remiel’s voice dropped as he looked down to see the sword protruding from his chest.

“NO!” she gasped at the sight. “I’m here brother, I’m here.” She caught him as he fell into her.

“Iris, I… Believe you.” He struggled to breath. Blood poured from his chest. Her silver boots were stained with his blood. She stood up setting her dead friend down.

“This is treason Gabriel he cannot be permitted to do this. I confided in you, and you have betrayed me. You stand their going along with this. They were innocent people too.”

“Iris I would never be able to stand by this decision of yours.”

“Not even if I had gone through with the marriage.” She wasn’t asking, but making a statement. He looked hurt when she mentioned their wedding she called off.

“Iris this is of different matters.”

“No Gabriel, this is not.”

“STOP the both of you.” She heard his voice; the strength in his words pierced her bones. She turned around to face the King. He stood two feet taller than herself, with wings as great of size as the hallways.

“Your Majesty.” Gabriel looked at him with the greatest respect. The King was angry. This Iris could tell.

“Sir.” Iris would not direct him with his title, the one for which he broke. She was facing a lot of trouble, she could feel it.

“Iris you are being charged with conspiring against your King. You will face a grave punishment unless you swear your oath to your King now.”

“You are not my King.” She looked into his eyes. He moved them to Gabriel and did a slight nod of his head.

“Then have it your way.” He turned and took a step away from her, and then his voice rang deep in her head. She had no time to react as Gabriel was upon her.

“Strip her wings.”  Her eyes widened and she screamed.

“NO!” The pain was unbearable as the sword crashed down into her wings. She felt them being drained from her presence. They were no longer apart of her. She saw the gold chain begin to form around her body, wrapping around her back, her stomach, her arms and wrists. They contained in her wings. They began to burn her and began twisting and turning. She collapsed onto the hard, stone, floor; she was unable to breathe as she looked at Gabriel. She heard the Kings voice once more before everything went black,

“Take her to the council before you dispose of her.”  Then everything was silent.

Her eyes opened up as she felt someone smack her face. She knew it was her best friend Nairobi.

“How could you Iris. How could you.” Her vision was fuzzy, but she could see the tears on her best friends face.

“Nairobi, I have a duty, I would not betray him like this you have to believe me, I can explain.”

“No Iris, you deserve everything you are about to get. We are no longer best friends. I will make sure even when I rule you will be banished.”

“You would turn your back on your best friend? Your guardian?”

“You did, did you not?”

“No I swore to protect you and I have never stopped doing that.”

“I cannot believe you.” She turned her soft face away from Iris, she knew she felt betrayed, but she could not believe her best friend would turn away from her.

“Then if this is the punishment I deserve watch.” Nairobi stopped in her tracks and turned back.

“Why would I watch?”

“If you honestly feel the way you say you do then you will support your father and watch. And if you cannot watch than you are just a coward and I thought you were better than that Nairobi.”

“I will not watch.”

“Then you do not believe your father is innocent.”

“Of course I do, never question that.”

“Then watch what he is doing so I can stare you in the eyes along with everyone else who will condone a traitor to the throne. So I burn this into your mind. So that you know when I return I will not spare you mercy.” Nairobi turned her back and walked to an empty spot next to Gabriel. The man came into the room which was full of her friends, her mother and father stood in the back. Iris looked at them.

“I didn’t do it.” She mouthed to them, “It’s a lie.”

“I know.” Her father mouthed. Her mother’s face was pale white with fury. She was suddenly thrown forward on the floor. She sat on her knees, her back arched forward.

“Iris you have been stripped of your wings and are being punished with lashes until death for conspiring to kill the King.” She heard the gasps from the audience. He began to lash her back, the pain was agonizing, it cut into her skin with each hit, bruising, and bleeding. She sat there motionless, not reacting to the pain; she would not give them the satisfaction they wanted. She tilted her head up and looked right into Nairobi’s eyes. They were so crystal blue. Her wings were so soft, she was so small, yet her gaze held the hate of a warrior. Her best friend gave up on her. She looked to Gabriel who looked sad. She felt the blood running down her back, suddenly she was thrown to the ground, and the man delivering the lashes was on top of her. People were screaming, and running. He was heavy but she managed to throw him off of her. Scanning the room she found her mom holding a bow and arrow.  She stood motionless as she watched someone drive a sword through her mom’s chest. She dropped to the ground, dead. The world seem to stop, Iris wanted to fall to the ground. She felt sick, she wanted to scream, but her father was upon her in seconds.

“My love you must run to the gates, someone is opening them up now for you, go, escape. I will find you soon. Your mother sacrificed herself to save you, now do not make it for nothing. I love you so much and you know she did too. I will find out what I can, and I will bring justice for what has been done. Now run.” He spoke so fast and was gone back into the crowd. He had spread his wings to their fullest length. He was a warrior at heart, and he would not die today, she knew that, so she turned and she ran. It took everything in her to push through the pain. Blood dripped behind her, the chains continued to scorch her skin. She made it to the gates within a few moments, she saw it open and pushed forward, she would not be taking the portal easily for she was no longer recognized it without her wings. Upon entering the portal she heard her name, it felt like ice hitting her heart as she faced Nairobi.

“Iris.” She shot the arrow, piercing Iris in the shoulder. She fell backwards into the portal. Everything happened so quickly. She was not ascending to Earth, but falling to it. She hit the ground and cried out. Everything felt broken, she felt her arm shatter as she hit the ground, her spine ached, pain pierced her face as she felt blood running into her hair and down her face. Her cloths were torn to shred, the skirt was ripped, her shirt hung halfway off of her body. Giving up was not an option now, she was on Earth and needed to find somewhere safe and fast. She stood up and snapped the end of the arrow off. She didn’t have time to yank it out, it would bleed too much. She could imagine how she would look if a human found her. She heard footsteps and she turned around ready to draw her sword.

“Iris?” The voice was familiar, but she didn’t recognize the man. She pulled the sword out and backed away. He threw his hands up in the air,

“Whoa, whoa, calm down Iris, it’s just me, Reek.”

“Reek.” The words eased her pain just slightly. She put her word back. “Thank goodness, I know you.”

“What the hell happened to you? You look like you’re about to die.”

“I feel like it.” His face changed from a normal expression to worry as he went into his demon speed to her, he searched her, examined the wound, her head, looked into her eyes. She looked into his; they were a bright green color, with a hint of black, the demon in him made them black, but his soul, the one which she had given to him, made them green.

“What’s broken Iris? What’s this gold chain?” He stepped back from her and scanned her body. “What the hell happened to you?”

“It’s a really long story Reek, first off these chains were placed on me by Gabriel, and they can only be taken off when he is dead. I got my wings stripped because I found reason that my King was committing an act of treason and he found out that I knew, so he ordered for me to be killed, hence the lashes, but my mother killed the guy doing it to me, so I was able to escape, but she died, and then I wasn’t able to take the portal because I had no wings to help me when I was shot and fell into it.”

“You just watched your mom die?”

“Yeah.” Her voice was dry. She was in so much pain, and dehydrated. “But I’m thirsty.”

“You’re in shock Iris. We need to get you to Cole. He has a healer at the palace, and we will get you food. I can carry you, it’s about three miles. He went to pick her up.

“No, Reek, I can walk, just hold me up please.” He put his arm around her waist and she leaned onto him. He was strong so she sunk into his arm.

“You look like hell Iris.” He smiled slightly trying to make her feel better, she laughed slightly.

“I feel like it.”

“I’m sorry about your wings, they were pretty badass.”

“Yeah they were, weren’t they?”  She hadn’t had time to process all of her injuries, losing her mom and her wings. Being an Angel was who she was and that was just taken away from her.

“So does this make you human or?”

“I’m not sure, I still have Angel’s blood, it’s what I am, it makes up my blood, but so does demon blood. So I guess a semi Angel demon now?”

“That sounds about right; Semi Angel demon lady.” He smiled again. She couldn’t hold in the question any longer.

“How is he Reek?” She could feel him tighten up at the question of his brother, her only love.

“He’s good. He’s King, so he has a lot of responsibilities, but he’s been able to get out and have fun too.”

“Is he happy?” She couldn’t forget the look on Cole’s face, when she had to choose to leave him. She thought back to that day.

ADD IN DAY KING MAKES IRIS CHOOSE TO MARRY GABRIEL AND LEAVE COLE OR HAVE HER PARENTS KILLED

“Iris, you and him will need to talk.” Reek’s voice broke her from the memory. She looked up to a giant palace surrounding a tree. There was a giant waterfall reflecting sparkles off the sun, grass as green as Reek’s eyes. She was breathless.

“This is beautiful Reek. I am so happy for your family to live here again.”

“We owe it all to you Iris, if you hadn’t sacrificed yourself we would not be home.”

“I would do it again if I had to Reek, it’s worth it.” She touched her chest, she felt a pull on her heart, like a void was being closed together, something was pulling her together, and something was pulling the gap in her chest closed. She knew he was coming towards her, she could sense him, his presence was unlike anything she had known before. She looked up to see his face, it was the same as when she had last seen him. He was pale, his eyes were brilliant blue, they were the same she remembered from their journey, but they looked darker for some reason. She felt safe, though nothing could be wrong. She could live her life here with him, no worries anymore. She scanned his face remembering every line of it, and then she scanned down and saw that he was holding another woman’s hand. Her chest felt empty. She swayed back a little, Reek caught her.

“Iris are you going to be okay?” His hand rested on her back to hold her up.

“Who is she?” She whispered, knowing Cole could hear. She felt the world spinning and she heard her name once, his voice was so soft as he spoke to her.

“Iris?” Then everything was black.

Author's Note

This is just the first chapter of the book from Iris's point of view, looking for input how how well/bad dialogue is, details, ETC. NOT worried about grammar at this stage, THIS IS THE FIRST DRAFT of the chapter.

Reviews

[Dene LaRue]

I love the fact that the first Chapter is filled with so much energy. i'm definitely a fan of books that are fast paced and from what I've read it promises to be action packed. But I have to agree with the previous review. There's a LOT going on especially with it being just the first chapter. There seems to be a lot of backstory that the main character has to try and cover in order to catch the reader up to speed. It's a little distracting (almost chaotic) and takes away from the focus of the chapter. One or two summary paragraphs at the very beginning could help relief some of that chaos. I think that you may also want to spend a little more time describing the sentencing part. It was a little hard for me to tell what was going. I wish you the best of luck in revisiting and completing you book! It's an interesting concept and I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing!

[karen101]

I like the plot, it grabbed me, And the dialogue mainly is good.
What I found is that there is a lot going on in such a short space of time, a lot of plot, a lot of introduction to different characters. It made it a little difficult to follow. I would introduce the plots and the characters at a slower pace - that's just my thoughts though :-D