Now That You're Gone

a poem I wrote a few months ago

Now that you're gone, I'm unpredictable.

I get the flashbacks, strong and electrifying as

your hand closed around my neck,

bodies in sync before you turned ugly, then cold, then dead,

and I cry myself to sleep at night, wondering what happened

to me, to you, to us.

Now that you're gone, everything seems unreal.

I call your phone to say hello, every once in a while,

as if you're still here, always seemingly surprised

when I get an error message that your phone is

no longer in service,

harder to recognize is that

you are no longer in service.

Now that you're gone, I feel alone.

My knight in shining arm went and gave up,

traded his childish princess for

the warm embrace of death, as real as the rope

that hung around your neck,

as real as your voice still echoing

inside of my head,

as real as the realization that I fucked up.

Now that you're gone, I have lots of regrets.

You were my soul mate,

irreplaceable as a solar event that happens

only once every thousands of years,

so powerful, so piercing,

you're stuck in my mind forever,

branded into my heart.

But most of all,

Now that you're gone,

I don't know what to feel,

what to think.

I don't know exactly what

or who death brings.

I don't know which person I should remember you as:

the loving boyfriend who did everything for me,

or the bipolar one who ended up stabbing me

and leaving me for dead.

I don't know who you remember me as:

the drunk girlfriend who never seemed to care,

or the one who loved you with all her heart.

Now that you're gone, my mind is a twist and turn

down streets I'd rather not trod,

down alleys I wish I'd never been pushed into,

and stuck on merry-go-rounds that spin so fast

and so recklessly that I never seem

to be able to jump off.

Now that you're gone

I realize I really love you.

I guess it's just too bad,

that now your dead and gone.

Author's Note

tell me what you think

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Dead and gone mean the love is gone. A wild journey into memories and thoughts in the poem. Sometime memories improve with time. We forget the bad parts and the good parts seem to appear in our mind. I like your thoughts and your memories. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote