Madness

This is a short-story about a mans' descent into madness.

Larry stared across the room at the pale, white walls: no decorations or objects but a immovable clock up near the beginning of the ceiling. He sat in the Leisure Room, but he had felt anything but relaxed these past months. The room has a old television, mounted down cushioned chairs. a heavy white table, and one way mirrors so that the nurses could keep an eye on them, "them" meaning "the Crazies".

Larry sat alone in one of the cushioned chairs, staring at the television but not really seeing it. His eyes began to focus on things that weren't there: through the TV to the outside world; children playing, sprinklers going off in the summer sun, cars driving down long lanes: things he would most likely never see again. Even his imagination felt artificial. He looked at his hands and he felt as though he could see the veins, but they had stopped working. He panicked and started howling and screaming until the nurses ran in with sedatives to put him to sleep.

He woke up hours later in his room, which was only a bit bigger than a jail cell. It was furnished with a mounted down bed complete with restraints if needed, a door knob that kept him locked in, and a TV that permanently stayed on. He couldn't remember what had happened, and started to cry. He had just been in the Leisure Room, he told himself, yet now he was locked in this room again. He longed to look in the mirror to see what type of monster he had become; had he become as crazy looking on the outside as he seemed on the inside? The time went on, and eventually he drifted back to sleep. Vivid nightmares plagued him as he fell deeper and deeper into delirium.

Someone shook him awake, and he saw a man with a business suit sitting next to his bed. Beside the man was a nurse. "Hello, Larry", the man said, smiling. "Do your remember me?"

Larry's mind was still in a fog from the sedatives, half awake but half asleep. He was unsure of his speech, but finally responded with "No".
The man looked worried. "Larry, I'm your therapist, Mr. Jim. I've been meeting with you the last ten years you've been here".

Larry laughed. "Don't lie. I've only been here a week and half. My wife will pick me up in an hour".

The man shook his head and looked at the nurse with a worried look. Mr. Jim looked into Larry's eyes and tried to bring him back into reality. "Larry, you're wife divorced you five years ago. You can't keep living in this world that doesn't exist. We can't help you get better if you go on denying the truth".

Larry shook his head, beginning to get annoyed. "Don't lie to me!" he yelled. He sat up higher in his bed. "I hate liars, don't lie to me!"

Mr. Jim immediately took notice of his escalating behavior, and he and the nurse swiftly walked out. As the closed the door behind him Larry kept along talking. He hadn't realized that they were gone, and began to carry on a conversation with himself. "I know, I know my wife loves me", he began, "and I know I'm going home". And in his mind he was.

"I don't think he's going to make it", Mr. Jim said. "It's a waste of the states money even keeping him alive".

The nurse nodded.

"You know what to do", he said, and she walked away quickly to get the sedative.

The nurse walked back in a half an hour later, and Larry was still talking to himself. He was completely oblivious to her presence. All he noticed were the people in the walls, the people talking back and forth to him. Once he noticed her, she began talking calmly in a smooth voice. "It's all going to be okay, Larry. This will all be over in a few minutes".

Larry began to fight and men nurses quickly came into the room, restraining him to the bed and covering his mouth. He screamed and the voices in the walls became louder. They weren't his friends anymore, now they taunted him and told him to just die.

The nurse pulled out the syringe that would be the end of him. He shook and shook even with the restraints, and screamed until he could hardly breath. The voices became louder and the people came out of the walls; horrible people. They were dripping black and red, walking towards him as the needle came closer. They reached out, liquid-like fingers dripping on his feet, then his legs as they came closer. No eyes, no real extremities, just liquid bodies of blood and black hatred. The nurse put the needle in his arm, and he began screaming again. The liquid spirits became more vivid as the deadly solution penetrated his body, and the nurses and men grew more and more dim.

Finally he looked down at himself, no longer human, but just like them; dripping and putrid. "Welcome", one seemed to gurgle, although it had no mouth, "welcome to hell".

Reviews

[Laura Maidah]

Serious tense issues. "has" "had". "Larry sat alone in one of the cushioned chairs, staring at the television but not really seeing it." Great line. So authentic, it's above your age group. NIce. Colon/semi-colon issues. Example: first/second paragraphs. Is Leisure Room a place? I don't understand why it's caps. I love the delirium line. It effectively hooks me in with suspense. Great plot arc too. You really improved immensely. I don't even believe it! "Even his imagination felt artificial." That line is so good it's not even possible. "half awake but half asleep." is wordy. That's like saying the cup is half full but half empty. We get it from just the half adj. "you're wife divorced"... it's your. not you are. Comma splice in:I hate liars, don't lie to me!" "took notice" is too passive for my tastes. I'm pretty sure you should opt for active voice. "and screamed until he " should be ", screaming until..". This fragment: "No eyes, no real extremities, just liquid bodies of blood and black hatred." is amazing. Really stands out. The ending is almost perfect. Who is "one" in "one seemed to gurgle, although it had no mouth"? I know it's the spirits, but you should emphasize to promote continuity. DAMN girl. I haven't enjoyed myself this much on this site in forever. I almost wish I were moderator on this site as well, or even administration, to feature you! Nice.