On My Own

Sometimes people you thought were always going to be there for you won't be there. At some point, you just have to let go and learn to fly on your own.

So much hope turns into disappointment in a single moment. How can love and support vanish so quickly? It can't. It was simply never there to begin with. All I ever wanted was for you to look at me like I was worth something, like I wasn't a complete mistake. But I guess that's just a silly hope. I thought if I could let go of the past you would too. I thought things would be different. But I was wrong... just like you always assume I am.

One moment you build me up, you push me up to a mountain so high it feels like heaven. Then you let me fall. You watch me crash all the way down, until I'm broken beyond repair. I will never understand why. You promise so much, just to rip it all out from under me. Yet I still make excuses for you. I pretend you didn't mean to.

You make it so hard to love you. Yet somewhere in my bruised and scarred heart, you're there. I can't stop caring, no matter how many times you drop me. But one day, I won't let you take me back up that mountain. I'll look at you, knowing I love you but that you'll never change. And I'll walk away. I'll answer your calls and tell you I'm ok, even when I'm not. Because I won't let your lies carry me away again.

I'll find my own way. You'll look down on me the whole time and tell me that I'm going the wrong way. But I know that isn't true. Because the right way is the way I choose, no matter how broken it leaves that little piece of my heart. You aren't alone in my heart. Just a tiny piece. And it's time I trust myself to fly myself to heaven. Because I'm the only one I know won't drop me.

One day I'll find that other half of myself who will fly with me. He won't carry me. He won't raise me up with promises he doesn't intend to keep. He'll follow if I slip, knowing I'm strong enough to get back up. And one day we'll get there. Together but not dependent. And I'll look back, wishing you could be there too. But I'll know in my soul that this is how it was always going to be.

Reviews

[Megan]

Mourning over something one wishes was there but never was. It seems a lot of other people have it too, which makes it harder not to compare...But I think the hardest part is something you mentioned here..."But one day, I won't let you take me back up that mountain. I'll look at you, knowing I love you but that you'll never change." Changing our expectations of said people in our lives is always extremely hard. But when we do, it will help us reach after our own dreams, regardless of whether or not they're there to support us...Hoping you do find a person like that. Usually, those people come along when we least expect it, and when we are accomplishing our own dreams and making them a reality. Because, likely, their goals will be very similar to ours. Relatable write, thank you for this.