Kiss and Tell

This is a short story I wrote for a school assignment- write something forbidden. It may offend some and I apologise for that. Judas/ Jesus fanfiction.

When asked about that night, Judas would explain it as being cloudy and sorrowful. Of course, when asked about that night, Judas would deny its very existence out of guilt and grief. He imagined that he would be asked many questions about that night and about that fateful decision.

 

'Was he the one to do it?' he predicted they would ask.

 

'Of course not,' he would undoubtedly reply. After all, if he did answer that question honestly then he would have far more than the other disciples anger to face. He would have to face God's trial, torture and punishment. He didn’t mean this in the sense that most did either. It wasn't an irrational fear that some had weighing on their conscience after committing a crime. That God would send him to hell. No, he didn’t fear God because of his conscience or his beliefs. He feared God because Judas was the entire reason that God's son was going to die.

 

'Do you regret it?' they would also ask, unsatisfied and unbelieving of his previous answer. Now this is when things became difficult for Judas. Did he regret it? No, upon great reflection Judas didn't think he did regret it. He regretted that Jesus was going to die. But that wasn't really his fault, was it? After all, he hadn't actually killed Jesus, he had only passed on information to people who wanted to kill him. Whether or not they killed Jesus rested entirely with them, not Judas.

 

Judas had repeated this over to himself again and again. He almost believed the lie when he heard a pounding on his front door. He stood up, bottles falling and smashing as he knocked them off his lap. It suddenly hit him just how much wine he had drank in the hours following the dinner. He stumbled to the door. Each step heavier than the last. This was it. This was the disciples coming to alert him of the death of their beloved leader. The continuing pounding on the door resonated with the pounding in his head. As he grew closer to the door he practiced his surprised expression one last time.
 

Judas reached out and felt the coolness of the door knob. His hands were shaking. He couldn't do this, he wasn't ready to face the reality that his decision had caused the death of a loved one. It was too late. The door was pulled open and he looked up, sorrow in his eyes. Only it wasn't the other disciples, it was the same priests he had talked to earlier that night. His surprised expression was genuine now. He didn’t think he would ever have anything to do with these men again.

 

'Good evening, Judas,' the most intimidating of the priests announced. This was not, in fact, a good evening. Judas managed to mumble some sort of greeting to the group of men. 'We won't be long, I can see that you are busy,' the priest continued in disdain. He looked past Judas at the pile of bottles. 'I was wondering if you could point us in the direction of the traitor. You see, we can't quite identify him. And, given that the church awarded you a large amount of money. We hoped you could be of assistance.' It was clear that Judas did not have a choice in the matter. He unwillingly followed the men, being sure not to stumble.

 

The night then blurred as Judas led the men on a wild chase, in pursuit of Jesus. Every so often, guilt would start to consume Judas. Thoughts that the blame would now be on him started to flicker in his mind. Judas would not allow himself to feel guilty about this, he couldn't. Instead, he reminded himself of why he had done all of this. Why he had betrayed his greatest friend? Memories of Jesus' deception washed over Judas.

 

Judas remembered how excited he had felt to be meeting Jesus earlier that week. He remembered how his smile has stretched across his face as he opened the door in anticipation. He then remembered how his face had crumpled. In slow motion he had felt his smile slip and his eyes fog. In that moment Judas' heart stopped and he had not felt it beat again. Until now, when this hunt for Jesus began. Until the thoughts of revenge replaced the feeling of anguish.

 

And so the chase continued. Judas leading the men towards the house where the dinner had taken place. Judas chasing Jesus, now that felt familiar. In fact, Jesus had been leading Judas on a wild chase for months. For the first time, Judas felt that he would finally catch up.

 

As they grew closer to the house Judas' heart stopped once more. There he was, standing there with another blurred figure. Judas squinted and his eyes became slits as he saw it was Peter. This was the man that apparently got Jesus' palms sweating and knees shaking. This was the man that beat Judas without even trying. Who, according to Jesus, ignited his cheeks with a simple glance. Judas was livid and any second thoughts were immediately discarded from his mind.

 

He watched Peter and Jesus share a long embrace before Peter turned and departed. Anger bursting, Judas pointed a shaking finger at Jesus.  Jesus was mindlessly looking at the sky with a stupid smile on his face. The priests nodded and streamed towards Jesus. Judas caught one last look at the man and the turned and tried to disappear. However he wasn’t able to as one of the larger men picked him up into his grasp.

 

'Prove that it is him,' the man spoke in a gruff voice. Judas looked at him in bewilderment. How could they not know it was him? The priest continued to stare until Judas started to walk towards Jesus. His throat felt like it was closing as he tried to think of a way to identify Jesus. Their eyes met and Judas could've sworn that he had never seen so much heartbreak. Judas was smarter than that though. He knew that Jesus was a good actor and would not fall for his tricks. Judas sped up his walk and continued until he was only a breath away from the man who once owned his heart.

 

He leaned in and proved that this was Jesus the only way he knew how, with a kiss. There was a collection of gasps before the two men were pulled apart and Jesus was carried away. Judas expected to feel relief as he was escorted away from the scene. All he felt was longing.

 

When asked about that night, Judas would describe it as cloudy and sorrowful. Of course, when asked about that night, Judas would deny its very existence. Unsatisfied and unbelieving of his first answer, he would probably be asked if he regretted it. If Judas allowed himself to think about it, to really think about it, he would discover that he did, in fact, regret it. 

Author's Note

Let me know what you think... Very nervous about posting this piece.