To Whom It May Concern

its kinda harsh, yes i know...but i don't care...and i don't actually hate him

You got me fucked up like how can you go your whole life lyin to the one who cares the most
Like you say your door is always open but when I come that b***h is always closed, pad locked with a for sale sign in the yard
You got me fucked up like how am suppose to call you daddy when I don’t remember the last time you said I love you and not because you thought that’s what daddys were suppose to say but really that’s what fathers do when they look into their daughter's eyes and see how much she doesn’t care how you feel
You got me fucked up like, I don’t even f****n know
Like I gotta take a copy of my birth certificate to Duke Hospital and check if there was a mistake because I’d rather the side with your name on it be blank because it would make more sense that way
You got me fucked up like how do you let your brother be more of a father, I mean daddy, than you
You got me fucked up like do you really expect me to hug you and mean it after all these years
You got me fucked up like how do you expect me to respect a man I don’t know
You got me fucked up like I wish I could bring my mother back to life just for two moments, one to say I love you one more time and the other to ask her what kind of man you were for her to fall in love with you
You got me fucked up like how do you send me a birthday card and not your son
Like whenever you sent a bullshit letter it ended up in the trash, but not after I read it and wished there was a time where I could read it and believe every word.
You got me fucked up like I wish there was another word for hate because in order to hate someone you have to be capable of loving them and my heart just doesn’t have enough room for bullshit
You got me fucked up like even though it was a waste of a wish, I wished that you had come to my graduation, or seen me win superiors at the band festival so I could say that’s where my musical inclination came from, or even went to one band concert in all my 7 years of playing or went to my ballet recitals or watched my monologues or came to my open mics or was just there
But you weren’t
I was there but where the f**k were you