Freefalling

The moment of desperation when you feel yourself slipping helplessly into a depression episode & the things that go through your mind as you try to escape.

Free falling.

Into a dark abbys without being pushed. 

Without jumping.

Just magnetized below the crust of the real world, towards the sink hole of great loneliness & despair. 

Flailing my arm around trying to grab onto something to pull me back just makes the desperation more realistic & worse. 

Inhale.

Deep.

Hold it, just for a second.

Exhale so you can hear it. 

The scent of bergamot fills my nostrils & bounds me up a little higher. 

I've been falling for 5 minutes, doing nothing but sitting here staring at my obnoxious screen reminding me of my rejection & loneliness. 

I haven't gone anywhere.

But I feel mentally exhausted. 

If I close my eyes, I won't sleep, I'll fall harder. 

Surrender. 

Surrender to the feeling? Let it kidnap me?

Fight? Fight an exhausting battle? 

Distract. Distract forcefully? Rebel against every fiber of my mind. 

Falling like a snowflake, waiting to be evaporated by the sky once more.