25) The Truth is Painful

The end of March drew near, and April's excitement was restored with Kanika and Karver's anticipated arrival.

She was constantly moving about, cleaning this or fixing that.  She wanted her home to look as presentable as possible.  Silently, she thanked God for the extra tasks at hand for she knew that it was far better to ease the pain of not being a mother by keeping busy instead of weeping over her burden.

~*~

One such morning, April was out in her garden that she had tended over so carefully.  If she wasn't busy around the house, she'd drop to her knees on the warm soil, and talked to her plants, coaxing them to grow.  She loved her garden, and everyday strolled outside to check to see if any new sprouts had formed while she wasn't watching.  It was one more thing to ease the pain.

So that day, she had been determined to dedicate the morning to working in her garden which had flourished in the balmy, spring weather.  She was very much content in her surroundings, and was pulling at a stubborn weed, when she felt a strangely familiar shadow linger above her.

She whirled around and met Jenny's vivid green eyes.  "Oh," she gasped, and quickly stood up, brushing her soiled hands on her apron.  She pushed back a stray strand of hair, and attempted at a smile.  "I didn't see you there."

The truth was, April hadn't seen Jenny what seemed like-- forever.  With the weeks passing by, the tension between them seemed to only become worse.  There was the occasional passing by in church services or in town at the general store, but mostly it was just a brief greeting, and then April would hurry away, unable to contain her feelings.  It felt strange to see her, now, beaming with that same radiance and joy that only deepened the emptiness she felt.

An awkward silence followed, then Jenny reached out to embrace her friend, and April didn't hold back.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

April couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes.  "Me, too," she admitted.  

"Well, how have you been?" April tried at conversation as they strolled over to the stream where they both seated themselves on the mossy rocks.

"Never better," she responded, smiling.  "There's been a bit of morning sickness, but nothing out of the ordinary."

April nodded, unsure of what to say next.

"And you?" she asked.  "How have things been here?"

April knew that the question wasn't just a social pleasantry.

"Busy."  April knew it wasn't exactly what she wished to hear, but it had definitely been a bit chaotic, for sure.  "I've been doing a lot, preparing for Kanika's visit."

Jenny nodded.

They kept up conversation a little longer, commenting on little happenings around town, or sicknesses or accidents that had occurred unexpectedly, but April sensed that Jenny hadn't simply come over to make small talk.  Jenny always had a reason for everything.  April didn't have to be patient though.  Jenny skipped right to the point.

"I have to be honest," she began slowly.  "The real reason I came over here was because-- I just felt that there may be something the matter."  She took a deep breath.  "And I thought it might have something to do with me.  Have I-- have I offended you in anyway?"

April let her gaze fall to the brook that sang its way deep into the forest, tumbling and splashing its way along the familiar pathway into the depths of the unknown.

"You haven't offended me."

"Well, then what's-- what's wrong?" Jenny asked softly.

She knew that trying to keep the truth from Jenny wouldn't end up in her favor, so she simply turned, and looking her straight in the eye, and said, "You've done nothing.  I guess I've just been-- well-- jealous."

Even now, it was hard to admit it to herself.  She had been jealous of her friend who was blessed with a precious gift she wasn't able to receive herself.

"Jealous of-- of me?  But why?" she whispered.  "Drew and you, and your whole life-- you've been so blessed."

"I suppose," April admitted.  "In many ways, yes.  I'm thankful-- for just everything God has given to me."  She sighed.  "I've been selfish though.  Terribly selfish."  She looked back up at her dear friend who, she knew, truly wanted to help her.  If only she knew that this time nothing could be done.  Prayer and faith was all they had left.  And hope.  

April reached to give her friends' hand a squeeze.  "I'm sorry," she whispered.  "Really I am.  I've been so rude to you.  I've ignored and acted as though you never even existed."

"April," she interrupted gently, "you can tell me."

She bit her lip, sure she would break down in sobs before she could let the words escape her throat.

"You're going to have a family," she whispered.  "Something I can't have."

Author's Note

:'(

Some people have asked me, and, yes, the last line is a little of an exaggeration.

Reviews

[Missy Moooooo]

I'm sure she will have a child or a few even. and I am getting even more into this book then ever :D

[~Lizzy♬]

Awww! She's going to have a child! I know and pray she will have one. :) You're such a reminder of me when I write love books. Beautiful chapter.

~Lizzy~

[Krystal Nicole]

Youre leaving me dangling off a cliff again!!! Im dying to know what happens next

[halflives]

Very sad. I'm crying. Though why can't she have a family? Great work, please write more now!

[Karli]

Awwww, that's so sad :/ Still, the details were just beautiful, one of the highlights of your writing. I can't wait to see what will happen next! Keep up the good work:)

[Short.Nerd]

:( WHy can't she have a family?