11) Dreams

"Read this," I said, handing Jordan the note.  My eyes were swollen from crying myself to sleep last night.  I felt so confused about everything, and just wished that I had never met Austin or Ashton.  Everything was a huge blunder.  Could I fix it?

Jordan's eyes questioned mine, but slowly began to read.  I turned, not wishing to see the look on her face.

After she had read it, she was silent for a moment.  "When did he give you this?" she asked softly.

"Last night."

She nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Oh, Jordan," I whispered, "I feel like--"

"You don't know what to do?" she asked slowly.

I nodded.  

She sat on the edge of my bed, looking down at the note.  "Do you believe him?"

I shrugged.  "I, honestly, don't know what to think."

"What does he mean when he says he didn't think your dreams included him?  What dreams did you have?"

I sighed, and sat down beside her.  "It's a long story," I whispered.  

"I have plenty of time," she said, turning her full attention to me, and criss-crossing her legs.

I smiled softly.  "Well, it's like this.  I've always dreamed to be a song writer, and then go to some place like New York City and sing in front of all these famous people.  I had written a few songs, and given them to Austin.  He said they were really good, and that I should pursue my dream."

"What happened then?"

"I-- well-- I guess I was too busy to see him then.  I was always at the beach or in my bedroom, writing down all my ideas for new songs."

"And all along you didn't have enough time for him?" she whispered thoughtfully.

I nodded, ashamed to think of it.  "When I did see him, I'd excitedly tell him about my plans, and hopes for the future.  I don't think I saw it then, but there was this sad look in his eyes.  I guess he thought that I didn't want him to be a part of my life."

"Did you?"

"Well, yes, of course.  I loved him," I admitted.  "I suppose that was just another thing that lead to our break up."

"Do you still write songs?" she asked softly.

I nodded.  "Once in awhile, but I think the only song in my life that I truly wanted was Austin."

"Is that why you never talked about it?"

"Song writing?  Yes, I suppose so.  I don't think it's my future though.  It's just something I enjoy doing.  I don't think I'd ever make a career out of it."

"Then what would you like to do?"

I was silent, knowing exactly what I wanted, and always dreamed of.

"I want to be happily married someday," I whispered, tears in my eyes.  "I want to have six children, and live in a quiet neighborhood on a hill overlooking the beach.  I want to be a caring and loving wife, as well as a mother.  That's my dream."

Jordan wrapped her arms around me.  "And it can be," she whispered.  "Why don't you tell him?  You need to follow your heart, and listen to what it tells you.  If that's your wish, make it come true."

"But how?" I cried.  "How can I listen to my heart when my heart feels torn in half?"

~*~

I spent the rest of the day lying on the seashore, looking up at the cloudless sky, asking God to help me.  I thought through everything that had happened.  I thought of Ashton's necklace that he had given me.  Could I just throw it away after everything he had told me?  Besides, I had encouraged him, so I was half to blame.

And Austin.  He had hurt me terribly, but were his intentions only to support me?  He had said that one of his reasons he left was he thought that he wasn't my dream when he always had been.  He told me he had loved me, but yet he had denied it before.  Could I give him a second chance?

  I shut my eyes, wanting to shut out all the heartache and life-changing decisions in life.  To my surprise, when I opened my eyes Austin was looking back at me, his eyes soft with love and concern for me.  I didn't say anything for the moment.  I just looked into his eyes, feeling my heart melt, and wishing that I could just cry in his arms.  I held my breath.

"Austin, what are you doing here?" I whispered.  

It was a silly question.  He was probably trying to get away from everything to think just like myself.  But, at the moment, I couldn't think of anything else to say.

He smiled softly.  "I guess the same reason you are," he said, and eased himself on the sand beside me.  "Getting away from life."

I sighed.  "Life is impossible at times."

"That it is."  He laughed.  "I guess we just have to listen to our hearts."

I had almost asked if he had been speaking to Jordan for she had said the same before, but was silent, wondering about what he had said.

"Listening to your heart isn't always easy," I said, and sat up.  "Sometimes, your heart only makes decisions harder."

He nodded.

I looked at him then.  Slowly and thoughtfully.  "Austin," I said, and looked down at the sand.  "I think--" I hesitated.  How could I tell him-- ask him?  I decided to slightly change the subject.  "I think that people make mistakes-- as numerous as the specks of sand, don't they?" I asked off-handedly.

He nodded slowly as though in agreement.  "Some more than others," he seemed to murmur to himself.

I took a deep breath.  "Austin--"

He looked up.  "Yes?"

I bit my lip.  "Austin, can you ever forgive me?" I whispered, my heart barely beating, waiting for his answer.

His eyes looked deeply into mine.

"Only if you can forgive me."

Then, through tears of joy, I flew my arms around him.  When I had finally pulled away, he was leaning in to kiss me, and I closed my eyes in response.  A loud, angry voice interrupted what I had thought to be the best moment of my life.

"Jackie," Ashton stormed, marching towards me, "whatever do you think you're doing?"

I gasped in horror.

Author's Note

Aaah!!! What will happen next??

Reviews

[Missy Moooooo]

Nooo my goodness I don't like him :( Uhh I like ashton

[~Lizzy♬]

OOOOO! I think Ashton is going to break up with her, but Austin is going to go after her. Oh, Jordan is going to get Ashton once Austin and Jackie are together. :O I can't wait for the next chapter. :)

~Lizzard~