Chapter OneA Chapter by Krystle LewallenThe Redemption Series
Chapter One
I haven't been here before, this place that is as dark as a bottomless hole, where
time and pain does not matter, but I welcome
the escape. The emptiness that I feel inside has hollowed out my existence.
Every action seems manufactured and every sound is wordless.
I don't know how long I have been laying here- minutes, hours, days? I
can hear the
soft chatter
of people outside
of my room. There
are sounds of footsteps across the wooden floors, doors opening and closing, cars arriving and leaving. Familiar
faces peek in through a crack in the door, but quickly they close it.
Then there is silence and no more cars or soft chatter. No one peeks in through the crack in the door, but I don't care. All of my needs have
gone and all of
my ambitions washed away. There
is
nothing but the
burn in my chest when I think
about her. And then the dark consumes me again.
∼∼∼
My bedroom door
opens, and I stare blankly as my Aunt walks towards
me.
Her lips move, but I don't understand the
words. She looks worried, sad. Kneeling in front of
me she
places her elbows on my bed, steeples her hands together, and closes her
eyes. Placing her
forehead on her joined fingertips, there
is
complete silence.
Standing up, she looks at me
and
moves my hair
away from my wet cheek. She
says something else, but again, they are
wordless sounds. And then, she turns and walks out of the
room, closing the door behind her.
It grows dark, so I
close
my
eyes in an attempt to sleep. When they open, the
room
is full of light again- unlike me.
There
is
a tray of food on my night stand, but I can't seem to move. Then I
think about her being gone, and hot tears start to roll down my cheeks, my pillow absorbing every drop.
The
pain returns, so I curl into a ball and sob quietly into my
blanket. After
a few hours of quietly
sobbing, my tears desert me. Finding a speck on the
wall, I stare
at it,
feeling numb inside.
I hear footsteps and the
turn of the doorknob
in the hall outside my room. But the door doesn't open, and the doorknob snaps back into its resting place.
There is
silence, a sigh, and then
the sound of footsteps fading away. I rise
off my bed in
search of the bathroom, but every move
feels distant. Once I am finished, I lay
back down in my bed staring at the food on my night stand. But, I don't
feel like eating. My stomach growls in anticipation, but I am too gone
to
care about my body's basic needs beyond the involuntary. I
could care less if
I wasted away from hunger.
It doesn't matter anymore. None of
it
matters. Life is meaningless without her in it.
My bedroom door
opens again, but I don't need to look to see who is coming.
I know it's Faye. She sits in the chair in the
corner of my room. Pulling out a
book,
she
opens it and starts to read.
Faye has always been a great friend, the best. She was always there when I needed her
for the past ten years, but it doesn't seem to matter right now. Nothing
seems to matter. I
should probably say something to her. Something like, "Hi."
or "What are
you doing?"
or "Go away."
That last one
seems the
most likely to come out of
my mouth right now,
but I can't even work up the energy to speak at all.
I fall asleep again and
then wake to the sound of Faye reading. She is reading from our
favorite
book, Divergent. We have
read it together
so
many times that I can repeat every
line verbatim.
I
sit up feeling a little light
headed. Faye
has
stopped reading mid sentence
and
is frozen, as if
she is afraid that one little movement from her
will cause
a relapse in my actions.
I rise out of
bed
and repeat the mechanical-like
movement of going to the bathroom. When I come out, she is lying on my bed with the book
hovering above her
face,
staring intently at it.
Walking over
to the bed, I pull the
covers back and slip under them. After a few moments I turn towards Faye, and she is staring at me. A sudden burst of
emotion
explodes from me. "Why?" Is all I can manage to croak out before I start crying all
over
again, the force of it shaking my whole body.
Faye gathers me
in her
arms, and I bury my face in
her shoulder. She strokes
my
hair and holds me tight
just like Grandma
would do. It makes me miss her
even more and adds fuel to the fire.
"We'll never know,"
Faye says quietly. "But there has to be a reason. You have to go on."
What possible reason could there be for this much tragedy to strike
one
person's life, all before the age of eighteen? This wasn't the first tragedy that I have had to endure. My
life was a never-ending mass of tragedies.
I lost my father to cancer when I was six. I watched him become pale and
weak. His eyes became
sunken and his skin loose
and
leathery; this man who had once been so strong, who use to run around and chase
me in the backyard, couldn't even lift his arms to hug
me.
He died while I was at school making it impossible
for
me to say goodbye.
My dad's death broke my
mom. Choosing a life
of utter
freedom for herself, she
disregarded the children that she had. Drugs and alcohol became a constant in her
life.
But, where did that leave my brother
and me?
She never gave us a thought.
My brother and I spent many nights alone
having to feed ourselves. Collin was twelve at the time
and
didn't know how to do much cooking. We got by on a lot of microwavable food. When there
was
nothing left to eat, we would ask our neighbor for food. She was kind and would come
over
to cook for us at times. If
it hadn't been for her,
we probably would have
starved.
After missing too much school, Child Services was called. When they came
to
investigate our condition, my mom was passed
out on the couch. Empty liquor containers
littered the
coffee table,
and a bottle of pills sat next to her
cigarettes. They hauled her off
to
jail and took my brother
and me to a temporary foster
home where we
lived for six months.
Our
grandmother, whom I had no recollection of, picked us up one
day.
All of our bags were packed
and loaded into her tiny
car. She had light brown skin and long black hair. She was short- just a little taller than Collin was. When she smiled,
the crinkles around her
eyes
made her
look pretty.
She walked over
to the steps we
were sitting on, leaned down, and stuck her hand out.
Collin did not hesitate.
He placed his hand in hers and shook it vigorously.
"Hi," she said smiling widely. "I'm Susan,
your grandmother." I could tell Collin took an instant liking to her. "Wow, that's some
powerful handshake you got there. Do you play baseball?"
"No,
but
I like baseball."
His voice rose just a bit, and his eyes
widened as the corners of his lips turned up.
"You're in luck. I
know a
little league coach who would love
to
have you on his team, especially with an
arm
like that." She looked over
at me, but I didn't feel
the instant connection like Collin obviously had. "Katy, that dress is
gorgeous."
I was wearing a pink and purple sundress.
It was my best, and I wanted to look nice for her.
"Thank you," I said shyly.
Standing
up, her gaze move between Collin and I. "How would you guys like to come live with me?"
she asked. I didn't think we had a choice
since she had already taken so much effort cramming all of
our bags into that
tiny car
she
had.
Collin stood quickly. "Really?" He
was
excited about the prospect of living with our new grandma. I wasn't sure, so I
just sat there.
She
smiles at him, and her eyes twinkle brightly as she looks over to me. "Katy, how about you? I have
a dog at home
named Pixie, and
she loves kids. I am certain she
would love
to
have some
company besides me."
I
loved dogs,
although we could never
have
one. Mom always said they were too much responsibility, and she was
not going to add to her
list of things
that she was already responsible for. Dad always rallied for us, but mom always
won the arguments. It wasn't even a thought after
dad
died.
I
liked the idea of having a dog, more
than I would admit. So I went with the most logical
answer
to
her question. "Well you did already pack the car," I reasoned.
She smiled widely as
I placed my hand in her outstretched one. When we
got into the car,
she let Collin and me pick the
music. We
got to take turns, and I was ecstatic. With mom I felt like
we were never allowed to do anything, not even talk.
It didn't take long for me to grow attached to Grandma. She
taught me
so much and encouraged me to do good things with my life. Most of all she loved me unconditionally. It seemed that's what was missing with mom. It was the extra ingredient that made life much sweeter and more
livable. Grandma
was
truly a breath of fresh air.
We
were close and talked about everything- including boys. I watched as she would sing while cooking. She
made
us laugh, hugged us often, helped us with
homework, and grounded us when we got in trouble. She very quickly became special to me. I
was
thankful God had put her
in
my life.
I loved her and she loved us. But now, she was gone. I
would never get to
hear
her sweet voice or
feel her embrace again. And never get to watch as she cooked and sang. My dad was gone, my mom was gone,
and
now my grandma was
gone. Her
passing was the worst of all because she had raised and loved me.
It wasn't fair to have every person ripped out of my life.
I found myself
shouting at God, "Why? What was the point of taking every person on this Earth who loved me
away?" Now, I felt like
there was no one. I was
alone was my last thought as pain glided over
me.
I let myself slide back into that dark place just so the pain would stop. I
cried
for a while longer then slipped into what I hoped was a deep sleep from
which I would not wake.
© 2013 Krystle LewallenReviews
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4 Reviews Added on June 29, 2013 Last Updated on December 2, 2013 Tags: new adult, Christian, fiction, contemporary, coming-of-age AuthorKrystle LewallenFernandina Beach , FLAboutAuthor of Fractured Heart, book one in The Redemption Series. Available now at Amazon and Smashwords. more..Writing
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