Chapter Five

 

I always felt sure I knew terror as no other person did but the terror I felt now could not even compare to what I had before experienced. 

It was completely dark, wherever it was I might be. It hid things from my eyes and it seemed to be on the side of the voices I heard.

The laughter was maddening as the voices heckled, rising in volume and dementia with each passing moment. Cold clammy hands reached out at me, tracing fingers along my cheek, down the back of my neck, across my thigh, grasping my ankles. The felling of the condemned pressing closer in on me without anything but hands touching me was beyond petrifying.

Through all these sensations a new one began. The feeling that a more solid and lucid being was standing directly before me, cloaked cruelly in the darkness. A new distinctive set of hands reached forth, ever frigid and clammy as the others but more deliberate, more powerful.

They placed on either side of my face and I felt my insides chill as I had the feeling eyes were boring into my own. Those hands slid slowly down to my shoulders, down my arms and I felt myself being pulled closer to the unseen being.  The arms that started to wrap around me were just as cold as the hands attached to them. 

I wanted to run, to disappear, to die but could do nothing as those arms forced me into a arctic embrace.

I sensed rather than heard as the thing seemed to be inhaling my scent and felt as if death had finally found me when a pair of lips brushed my ear.

“You shall be mine,” a voice clear and sharp as ice whispered.

As soon as the words were spoken I was released by all the cold hands and felt instead that my body was being shaken violently, the air around me warming quickly.

“You shall be mine,” the voice again whispered into the darkness.

 

“Jessica?” the voice was quiet but frantic.

I realized the shaking was coming from a pair of large hands on my shoulders. I wanted to tell whoever it was to go away and leave me alone. I was so warm and comfortable and I didn’t want to leave it yet.

“Jessica?” the voice called again, this time a little louder.

I let my eyes open just slightly and gasped when a pair of blue eyes seemed to be only inches away from my own.

“You’re awake!” Alex cried as he gathered me up in his arms and crushed me to his chest.

“Can’t breathe,” I gasped as the air was forced out of my lungs.

“Sorry,” he said as he immediately lay me back down. “Are you alright? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”

As his questions registered I had to think if I was actually alright. My scar burned as if it had been freshly branded but the rest of me felt only slightly shaky.

“No,” I said after only a moments of hesitation. “I’m fine.” Doctors were to be avoided. They would ask questions I had no logical answers to when they saw my bare back.

“Are you sure?” I could see the genuine concern in his eyes as he looked closely at my face. “I’m pretty sure my truck could make it through the snow if needed.”

“I’m fine, Alex,” I said again as I struggled to sit up. A thick quilt fell off me and with a horrified gasp I realized I was wearing nothing but my underwear and bra.

“Alex!” I shrieked as I pulled the blanket back up to cover me. “Did you do this?”

“Ya,” he said, no embarrassment in his voice. “After you passed out you started shaking like mad, your teeth were chattering even. Your cloths were pretty well soaked so when I brought you inside I thought it best to get them off before you froze to death.”

His explanation however embarrassing it was made sense. I registered that he himself was down to one pair of partially wet jeans and one tee-shirt.

“Oh, well, thanks, I guess,” I said as I realized I was in the living room on the couch. I noticed it had been pushed in front of the fireplace and a fire was roaring in it. Even though I knew the temperature had to be at least ten degrees above the normal of the house it felt wonderful on my skin as the shaking started to die down.

“What happened?” he asked as he took a seat on the couch.

I hadn’t thought up an explanation as to what had indeed occurred nor did I in fact know so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I got a little light headed all the sudden. Not exactly sure.”

He looked at me sternly for a long moment but seemed to accept it after a moment.

“How long was I out?” I couldn’t even begin to guess, it could have been seconds or hours as far as I could tell.

“Only about ten minutes or so,” he answered as he stood. He walked to the kitchen and a moment later walked back with a tall glass of water and a pink, heart-shaped box.

“Drink this,” he said as he handed me the glass and sat back down. “I was going to wait till later to give this to you. I didn’t think it would actually be benefiting your health,” he said with a chuckle and handed me the small box that I knew would contain chocolate. Mercifully it didn’t have any chubby-cheeked cherubs on it. 

“If your blood-sugar was low, this will help,” he explained when I gave him a confused look. “Though that seems strange since we had just eaten.”

Strange, I thought, you have no idea how strange I am.

“Thanks,” I said before I downed half the glass in one breath. I tried to ignore the intuitive way Alex was staring at me as I opened the box and popped a chocolate in my mouth. I extended the box toward him and never breaking his stare he took one.

“Alex,” I sighed as I sat back on the couch. “I’m fine, really. I’m not sure why I passed out all the sudden but I promise I’m ok.”

“You gave me a scare there. We were just goofing off and then you looked at me and got this terrified look on your face and fell over, out cold.”

Crap. I was hoping the terror I irrationally felt had not shown on my face. Apparently I wasn’t so lucky.

“I think I’d feel better if you went an laid down for a while. You should get some rest.”

My brand burned as I shook my head. “I’m fine. Really.”

Alex shook his head and that mischievous grin spread on his face. Before I realized what was happening he had scooped me into his arms, thankfully keeping me covered with the quilt, and slung me up onto his shoulder. 

“Put me down!” I shrieked as he started his decent down the stairs. “Alex!”

“Don’t argue with me, Jessica,” he said and I could tell there was a smile on his lips. He was enjoying this. “You passed out for no good reason. You really need to take it easy for the rest of the day. Or at least a few hours.”

Seeing that my pounding on his back wasn’t getting me anywhere I fell limp and let him carry me without trouble. He ducked unnecessarily as he walked through the door to my apartment and again into my bedroom. He set me gently down on my bed, pausing for just a slight moment to stare into my face again. This time however, it was not a stare of unbelieving, searching for signs of my ill health. There was true concern there and I was surprised by the emotions that played across his face. First and foremost was the concern, but there was a hint of curiosity, and perhaps my mind was seeing things it wanted, longing.

After a moment that seemed to stretch on for several mixed emotional minutes I realized I had become partially uncovered and quickly rearranged the blankets to get appropriate. As I did so a terrifying thought hit me like a semi.

“How much did you see?” I asked with a shaking voice. “When you were taking my wet things off?”

If the answer to this question had not been so important I would have regretted asking it instantly by the hurt that spread on Alex’s face.

“I consider myself to be a gentleman, Jessica,” he said as he straightened and stood, a stiffness filling him that didn’t fit. “I didn’t look anymore than I had to. I respect you as a woman. I didn’t do anything inappropriate.”

“Alex, no I didn’t…” I trailed off realizing that I could not explain why I was suddenly so afraid he might have seen the brand or the impossible wings seemingly engraved into my skin. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

With this he relaxed slightly but the offended expression was still too present on his face. “Just a second,” he said as he slipped out the door. I heard him rummaging through some things in the main family room and he came back in after just a minute. 

I was glad to see the hard expression was gone when he came back in, replaced by that half smile knew so well how to make my heart to a ridiculous flutter.

“If you need anything,” he said as he extended something to me. I rolled my eyes and laughed when I reached out and found it was a bell. “Just ring this and I’ll come running.”

I couldn’t help but smile as I looked at it, shaking my head. “Thank you, Alex,” I said as I looked back up at him, meeting his dazzling smile.

“You’re welcome,” he said and headed toward the window, pulling the drapes shut. He then walked to the door.

“Get some rest,” he said as he looked back at me. “Please.”

“I’ll try,” I said, truly wishing I could do as he asked. 

He gave a weak smile and just before he closed the door a thought occurred to me.

“Alex?” Had I just imagined he snapped his head to look back at me just a little too fast. “Will you check on Sal for me? I just realized I haven’t gone to see her today.”

Alex nodded his head then left.

Now alone with my thoughts I had to consider the terrifying thing that had just occurred. It would seem that I had passed out but instead of being thrown into a trial something else had happened. I had no explination for what occurred, I wasn’t even sure what happened. But that had never happened before.

If there was any comfort in this terrifying curse I seemed to bare it was that it was always the same. The final verdict may vary but the trial itself was predictable in it’s events and order. The fact that there was a new factor in all of this was just as terrifying as the dream or whatever that was.

After a few hours mulling over what happened I had pretty well convinced myself not to think too much of it. It was just something my mind made up, a nightmare of my own making, a simple response to my fear of seeing Alex with wings a few moments before. And besides, no matter what it was, dreams weren’t real. 

If only I didn’t know better.

The time passed slowly as I knew I had to stay in my bed or have Alex carry me back down here. Twice he peaked a head through my door and I pretended to be asleep for his benefit. It was easier than arguing with him.

At four o’clock I decided that should have given me plenty of time to be well rested I climbed in the shower and stood under the stream till the water ran cold. The contrast in heat felt refreshing but I pulled on my warmest sweater and put a pair of long johns on under my jeans.

When I found the basement empty I made my way upstairs, a delicious smell wafting through the house.

“Am I allowed to come out now?” I said, trying to keep my face serious.

Alex was in the kitchen again, that same silly pink and white checkered apron covering his front. 

He looked up from whatever he was stirring in a giant pot and smiled. “Ya, I guess.”

He put a lid on the pot and wiped his hands on the apron before turning to something on a cutting board. “I hope you don’t mind having dinner a little early tonight. I was getting a little bored I’m afraid. I don’t much like being trapped in the house and it’s been a little too quiet for me.”

“It didn’t have to be so quiet,” I said as I took a seat at the table to watch him.

“Jessica,” he growled. He turned his attention to something in the oven. “I hope you don’t mind but I invited Sal to join us for dinner.”

“And she accepted?” I took no cares to hide the shock in my voice. I had never known Sal to leave her house.

“Yep,” he said, adding a few herbs to another pot.

“Wow,” I muttered. “She must really like you.”

“I was just nice to her. It took a little convincing but she didn’t give me too much trouble. Speaking of which,” he said as he glanced at the clock over the sink. “Would you mind going over there and getting her? This will be done in just a minute.”

“Sure,” I said and jumped up to retrieve my boots and coat. 

I couldn’t help but smile as I walked out the front door and saw a path had been shoveled from our door straight to Sal’s. He planned ahead.

I knocked and waited for a few seconds before letting myself into Sal’s house. 

“Oh boy,” I breathed as I took the front room in.

I had seen it worse but the place was a mess. It looked as if Sal had brought everything from all the cupboards and shelves and strewn it across the floor. Pots, pans, ancient looking phonebooks, CD cases, everything.

“Sal?” I called as I began the search for her. 

“Ah ha!” I must have jumped two feet in the air when I heard her shout from the dining room. “Found you.”

I rushed into the room just in time to see her tip over a vase and see two shiny things fall into her waiting hand. After setting the very expensive glass vase down she slid the things into her ears and I realized they were earrings.

“I’ve been looking for these for the last hour,” Sal said as she looked up at me. 

I was quite shocked by Sal’s appearance. Her hair was combed and even slightly curled. There were traces of makeup on her face and her cloths matched and looked like she had ironed them. I had never seen her look so put together.

“You look very nice, Sal,” I said as I followed her out into the living room.

“Thank you, Jessica,” she said as she began searching around in the mess. After a second she stooped and picked up a pair of shiny black dress shoes. “Is it time to go then?”

I still had not gotten over the shock of how normal Sal looked as I nodded it was. Without hesitation she walked to and out the front door.

As I walked behind Sal my mind reeled, trying to recall even one occurrence when I had seen her leave the safety of her home and came up blank. When I had first met her I had suggested she go shopping with me but she merely broke down in tears and screamed at me to leave. I only made that mistake twice, the second time I had been hoping the first had just been a bad day.

Sal let herself in without hesitation, taking her shoes and coat off in the entryway. 

“That smells really good,” she said as she followed her nose to the kitchen.

I followed her, still not believing what I was seeing.

Alex had just finished setting all the dishes on the table when he looked up at us with that dazzling smile. 

“I’m glad you came, Sal,” he said as he extended an arm to her, draping it over her shoulders. I hoped he wasn’t offended when she cringed slightly. She didn’t like to be touched most of the time. Considering her past I couldn’t blame her one bit.

“Well,” he said as he clapped his hands together, his face practically beaming as he looked at each of us. “Dinner is served.”

Being the perfect gentleman, he pulled each of our chairs out for us before sitting himself. I couldn’t help but gaze at the feast before us. Steaming plates of spaghetti and meatballs, breadsticks, a complicated and delicious looking green salad, and several bottles of sparkling cider. I was grateful it hadn’t been wine. I had never taken a sip of any alcoholic beverage and did not intend to ever do so.

The evening passed in a blissful state of ease I had not experienced in a very long time. Alex kept the conversation light and easy and I could tell he was always mindful of Sal’s constantly changing state of mind. Sal was quiet but she looked happy. She never seemed completely relaxed but I had never seen her so, unless she was sleeping.

As I watched the evening unfold I realized something within me was changing. Ever since Jason had so cruelly broken up with me I had locked my heart into an ice chamber and was determined to never let anyone near it again. Without my permission something was changing. I knew I was developing feelings for Alex.

Alex apologized for the simple dessert of brownies and ice cream, claiming he had run out of time to make anything fancier. It was slowly eaten as each of had already eaten more than our limit.

It would have been nice to simply sit back and relax for a while after all food before us was devoured but I could sense Sal was getting uneasy and eager to get back home. I was already impressed with how long she had lasted.

“Come on, Sal,” I said as I stood. “I’ll walk you home.”

Relief washed over her face as she walked hurriedly to the door and grabbed her coat and shoes.

“I’ll come with you,” Alex said as he stood.

I wouldn’t admit it to myself but I smiled just slightly when he joined us at the door and we pulled our coats on.

It was still cold outside but did not feel any colder than it had during the day. But, below freezing was still below freezing.

It did not take long to reach Sal’s house as she practically ran back to her front door.

“Good night,” we called as she practically shut the door in our faces.

I chuckled slightly as we turned back toward the house. 

The night felt peacefully still as stars broke out overhead. The soft blanket of snow that draped over everything gave it almost a warm feel. I could hear snow dropping off branches somewhere off in the distance.

Neither of us said anything as we took the short walk back. I was learning to like that about Alex, he didn’t feel the need to constantly fill the silence with chatter. 

The way my body felt so constantly aware of his presence next to mine unsettled me. I had only known the man four days. I shouldn’t be having the overpowering desire to reach out and take his hand in mine so soon, or ever really. We lived together. I had serious issues that were completely out of my control. There were way to many complications that could and would arise.

We were nearly to the door when the wind gusted in our faces, nearly knocking the breath from my lungs. I had to place a hand on my hat to keep it from being blown off. Just as we opened the door the snow began to fall again.

As we shoved the door closed we both broke out into laughter as I tried to tame my hair back into order. I closed my eyes as Alex pulled strands of hair from my face, enjoying his nearness far more than I should.

After a moment I opened them again and was almost startled to find him still only inches away, his brilliant blue eyes staring intensely into my own.

My breath caught in my throat as I thought he leaned in just a fraction of an inch closer and I could see the struggle that was taking place in his eyes. My heart hammered and I silently prayed he couldn’t hear it.

“I have something for you,” he finally breathed after an intense moment, backing away slightly.

“Really?” I stammered as I took my coat and boots off, feeling suddenly embarrassed.

“Hang on,” he said as he finished taking his outside things off, heading for the master bedroom. 

I took a seat on one of the two couches before the grand fireplace and only had to wait a short moment before he came back into the room, a tin black case in his hands. As he sat next to me my heart started to hammer again in anticipation.

“When my grandma died she left quite the collection of shiny things to me. Obviously I am never going to have any use for them so I’d like to give this to you.”

He seemed slightly uncomfortable as he handed me the case. “I didn’t get you anything,” I said, dismay obvious in my voice, as I took the box.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it,” he said with a chuckle. “And like I said, it’s not like I actually went out and bought something.”

I opened the box and stared at the glit that lay within it. It was a bracelet, intricate and delicate. Tiny silver leaves were up and down the entire thing, shiny crystals that looked dangerously like diamonds set between each one.

“Alex, it’s beautiful,” I whispered as I pulled it out.

“May I?” he asked as he reached for it. Despite the size of his hands he had little trouble with the tiny clasp. “I thought it suited you. Kind of reminded me of you when I saw it.”

Just before I snapped the box closed I noticed the name of the designer on the inside of the lid and a little gasp escaped my lips. There weren’t much higher up designers than that as far as I knew.

“Alex, I…” the words came out stammered. “I can’t.”

“Jessica, please don’t argue with me. I want you to have it. And really, what am I going to do with it? I hate to think what you might think of me if I started wearing it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh aloud as that half grin broke on his face.

“When you put it that way I guess it doesn’t seem so bad,” I said as the laughter died out.

He reached for my arm and held my hand lightly as he observed his gift there. My heart fluttered and my skin warmed under his touch, making it tingle.

“Perfect,” he said with a smile.

We sat in silence for a moment, both just staring at the beautiful bracelet. The urge to resist the temptation to lift my head and let my lips find his was torture and becoming more and more difficult by the second.

Just as my will power was crumbling the wind whistled against the windows, hissing at the house to let it in. In the same instant my scar suddenly prickled and burned and without thinking my hand Alex had been holding shot to touch it.

“I’m sorry…” Alex started as he looked up into my face, his face startled.

“No,” I said, suddenly panicking, as I stood up. “The wind just scared me, I guess.”

The confusion was obvious on his beautiful face but at least he didn’t seem hurt or offended.

“Um…” I said as I knew my face was flushing bright red. “I’ll help you clean dinner up.”

Alex only nodded as he stood and followed me to the kitchen. Neither of us said much as we worked to clean and clear the dishes. I wasn’t sure what to say or how to recover my strange reaction. Talk about ruining the moment.

As we worked my scar continued to prickle and I could feel my eyes growing heavier by the second. I silently added up the hours in my head, realizing it had been more than eighty hours since I had slept. Strange, normally I could make it to almost one hundred before I felt the effects this strongly.

“I’m about ready to hit the sack,” Alex said as he closed the dishwasher and started it up.

“Me too,” I replied, wishing it wasn’t so true.

Without saying anything else he started down the stairs. I couldn’t help the feeling of growing dread that spread through me as we descended in silence. Not so much over the fact that I was growing dangerously tired but for the fact that Alex was getting the first hints of how strange and messed up I truly was. I had hoped before I would be able to completely hide everything before and was now realizing it had been a stupid thought. The scars on my back controlled my life. It wouldn’t be long before they would drive Alex away too, just like they did Jason.

Alex said a quick and quiet goodnight before we went our separate ways. I closed the door behind me with a small click, leaning against it and letting a frustrated breath out.

How could I be so stupid? I internally chided myself. I had been down this road before. I should know better. With the way my life was I couldn’t let anyone in too close. And it would be wrong of me to expect anyone to accept the madness that was me. It wouldn’t be fair.

Trying to work some resolve into my thoughts I went to the fridge and pulled out a Dr. Pepper and downed it in less than thirty seconds. I hated to admit it to myself but the effects of it didn’t work much anymore. I refused to upgrade to something that contained higher levels of caffeine like coffee, the taste was terrible, I couldn’t even stand the smell of it. And energy drinks always tasted like liquid smarties to me.

My eyes were growing heavier and heavier by the moment and I paced the floor.

Seventeen…eighteen…nineteen…

Stop it, I scolded myself. But as soon as this thought processed another scooted it aside. It had been a few days since I had counted, aloud or internally. I couldn’t remember a time when I had gone so long. It was something I always did and now I couldn’t recall the last time I had done it.

Panic was rising as I stretched my arms high above my head. I hated this time of the constant twenty-four hours that made up a day. I considered that maybe I should move to some place like Alaska. In the summer it was light almost all the time and in the winter I could find some secluded place where it didn’t matter if I slept. No one would be around to hear my screams when I woke. But I hated the cold. I learned that from living sixteen years in Idaho.

I knew I was coming down to my last ditch effort as I changed into my skimpy, worn out pajamas and walked out the back door to the deck.

The wind blasted into my face as soon as I stepped out, making my eyes water and sting. I could feel the goose bumps rise on my arms, felt the hair stand straight up. Everywhere but on the back of my neck, which burned and twinged uncomfortably. 

The effect of waking my senses was instant but I knew it wasn’t going to last long if I were to instantly walk back into the warm and comfortable house. Despite the cold and every cell in my body telling me to turn around I walked down the deck and out onto the dock. It thrashed violently as the water churned around it and I had to place a hand on the beams that ran into the water to keep from being thrown into the blackness.

I sat at the edge of the dock, my legs dangling over the side. The water jumped up at my bare toes and my teeth began to chatter as the icy water sucked all heat from them. There was no possible way I was going to fall asleep out here.

I had no idea how long I sat on the dock, listening to the sound of the wind screaming trough the trees in order to distract myself from the numbness that was quickly spreading through my limbs. I knew the temperature had to be hovering around freezing and when the ache and stiffness settled firmly into my joints I pulled myself painfully to my feet. 

Feeling confident I could make it until morning now I made my way back to the house.