The Hidden Potential

The hidden potential of everything is always there. It is either revealed or stays hidden.

The pollution in the sky dims the stars,

Stifles the beauty,

The twinkle that is the potential of the universe.

 

It goes unseen,

The eggs of the blooming flowers in the sky,

Unseen and unappreciated before they die,

Reduced to dust that was once a breathtaking sight.

 

The fresh air reveals the glowing brilliance,

That is the essence,

The make up of the meaning of the universe.

Author's Note

Any comments would be fine. Con crit appreciated.

Reviews

[Inigmas]

Short and to the point. I honestly like it. No flow though. Its like the words are kind of deafeting each other. The overall poem has good meaning and emotion. 1 thumb up.

[Rocker-Tomboy 15]

Very good..:D Very galvanizing...XD

[Chloe]

That's pretty good! I love writing on polution issues. But yes, it is a bit wordy. Try a bit more organization in the second stanza.

[kree8ivity]

Good concept to write, yet wordily written. Try removing unneccesary words so that you are left with condensed, poetic power.

Also, you are entering a danger-zone when you try to write about the meaning of the universe. Why? Well, because meaning the universe your eyes see is unlikely to be universal?

[dante alexius]

Crisp, clear and concise. i like it
i would work on the flow of syntax perhaps to eliminate some of the unnecessary cliches "that, is, the"

for example, instead of:
The twinkle that is the potential of the universe.

you can try:
The twinkling potential of the universe.


anyways, good work.

-alexius

[a Messenger]

Short but powerful.
This piece flows nicely and describes well the damage of pollution in the atmosphere.
Welcome to the Cafe.

[Sally Edwards]

Good descriptive writing, a good no frills short poem. I like it