Petals Unfolding

Once there was an easily excitable young girl. She had dark brown hair with beautiful blue eyes. Her eyes were the drawing feature. Big blue icey eyes, the kind of eyes that could send chills down your spine when she was angry, but could also melt your world when she was happy.

    She was tall, slender, and ever so graceful. Even when she was doing ungraceful things, which was often. But because of her calm nature and good heart, the mistakes she often made only made her more beautiful than before.

    However, gentle and kind people are like flowers. They are hard to find and they are hard to keep alive. Not to mention, she was only very young. The world was cruel to her in many ways. And just like a flower, some of her petals got lost in the caos.

    Looking at herself, the young girl often cried. She wondered if her petals would ever grow back and the hurt would stop. She longed for the day when someone would shield her from the storm.

    One day, the girl decided that being a delicate girl was no fun. So, instead, she decided to retreat into a tiny size hole inside herself. She learned how to put on a face and she learned how to be creative. But most of all, she learned how to protect her last petal, in the hopes of someday, finding shelter from the storm.

    One day, after a particularly rough storm, the girl came out of her hut to find a giant mass of leaves and debris. She sighed. But slowly and steadily she began to clear the branches away. Some of them were heavy and she had to strain herself to lift them, others were rough and prickly and they cut her hands. She kept going. Once most of it was clean, the girl stood to her feet and looked around. Though it wasn’t perfect and it didn’t look exactly like before, the lawn was still beautiful.

    The girl wandered back into her shelter and reached under her pillow ever so gently. She pulled out her precious last petal. She hugged it to herself. She stayed like that for a long time, until she chose to go back out and finish cleaning. There was only one more pile. She set the petal back in its ever so careful hiding space.

    She walked out and carefully began moving the leaves until she reached the middle of the pile. The girl jumped back and almost screamed, for there in her pile, was a tiny baby. A beautiful child, with long blonde curls, and bright big green eyes. Once again the young girl thought about her petal. She sighed, but picked up the baby. She gently nuzzled the baby’s shoulder. “It’s alright, I will take care of you now,” she cooed to her.

    The baby grinned, and then rapidly began to grow. Suddenly instead of being in her arms. A tall young woman was standing there. The girl was stared, shocked and intimidated by this change. She almost wanted the baby back, but she was also intrigued by the powers of this stranger. The woman touched her shoulder, and looked at her lovingly. “I have seen your struggle.” The girl looked down. She wanted to deny it. She wanted to be the toughest one. But at the same time, this woman’s arms were large and powerful. She instantly knew, those arms would be her shelter from the storm.

    The woman kept speaking, “I have come to stop this, and help you grow and learn. You do not have to hide. However, I had to be sure that you were still kind at heart. For some face adversity, and their hearts go cold and hard, and then I can not help them. But though your kindness to a creature who could give you nothing, you have shown that you are still a child at heart.”

    The girl thought about this. The woman did not move, and did not speak again. The girl wanted to hug her, but instead, she picked up another branch. The woman, also picked up a branch, and together they completed their task. When they were done, the young girl pulled the woman into the hut. She reached under her pillow and pulled out her last, and only petal, and stroked it gently. Carefully, she moved to hand this petal to the woman. The woman shook her head no. Hurt, the girl looked away. But before she could go, the woman pulled something out from behind her. A beautiful pink flower petal. She gently placed the petal in her lap. “Now you have two, The rest will be in tow. We will grow them together, with loving care, Just as these two have been kept and guarded.”

The girl and the woman, while  they had their ups and their downs, were generally always happy. And the little girl’s petals, while she may lose one every once in a while, always grow back. Thanks to the love, and care, that the two of them share.

Reviews

[brlockwood]

This is very interesting writing. Was truly not expecting where you took this story. But the way you introduce your main character didn't read as well as it could have. You found your stride about a third of the way in, that's when I couldn't stop reading it. And also your use of metaphor makes it a bit confusing when you switch to telling part of the story that I think it actually happening, and not just another metaphor. But overall really creative stuff. Nice work.