THE TIMIDITY IN ME

THE TIMIDITY IN ME

          Since I was in my elementary and high school years, there’s always this characteristic in me that I couldn’t let go, my timidity. I don’t know why I always feel shy every time I face a big crowd, even when I’m just talking to a long lost friend. I hate myself for being that person. I don’t have the confidence in me. Well, probably I can change, but the question is..how?

     My name is Karry Anne, but my friends call me Khar. I am a college Masscommunication student at one of the most outstanding school in Tacloban, City. Shocked? Yeah, me too actually. I don’t understand myself why I chose that course. It totally opposes my so uncontrollable timidity. But deep inside me, I really want to become a media man, like Korina Sanchez, a very popular TV host and news anchor, perhaps Jessica Soho, well, I’m not that choosy, right? Haaay! I always feel like I’m behind with anything, but guess what? I totally have everything, not literally everything, just like everything that a teenage girl supposed to have during her tween life. I have digital camera, a laptop, a cellphone (gadgets I should say, I won’t last a day without them). Ooops! I think I’m beginning to make my short introduction long, let me take you to the real story.

     It was a perfect Monday morning for the perfect first day of classes with my perfect jeans and t-shirt get-up. Well, I’m not that fashionista to be wearing something inappropriate for my taste and body ( I am chubby). My heart was pounding with real excitement. It was my first time to be enrolled in a private school, and I’m honoured, I could say. Since I was a timid girl, I don’t have much friend in our class. I don’t approach to people whom I didn’t know, duh! I don’t talk to strangers. Kidding. Since my classmates were friendly, they started to make friends with me.

     Filipino period. First class. What should I expect? Of course, introduce yourself.

     “Magandang umaga sa inyong lahat. Ako si Karry Anne Uribe. Labing-anim na taong gulang…..”

     Woooh!! After I introduced myself, my instructor demanded for my talent. What? I don’t have a talent. Look, I am a timid person. As in define timid, that’s me.

     One of my classmates took my attention. He’s a boy of course. I don’t get attracted to girls.lol. He’s different, he’s boastful, I love it. Yeah! I actually love it. Am I weird? Why am I getting attracted with a boastful person? Pff! Come on, call me weird, because I am. J My friends in high school often tease me for my strange taste to boys. They just don’t understand my feelings deep within. Okey back to the story.

     After several months of copping up with the new environment, I finally met some friends. In class, they often annoy me because of my different but unique personality (some says). I am very quiet in class. I really hate to talk inside a classroom where in the teacher is taking up her lessons. Isn’t that insulting? Yeah, I totally knew the feeling because every summer I usually teach children about religion in my hometown. I had the chance to meet different kids with different personality. It is therefore difficult. So I highly respect the teachers and even salute them for being patient to the other hard-headed students. Actually, my parents wanted me to become a teacher. So before entering the field of mass media, I studied first EDUCATION for 1 whole year (imagine?). But they realized they can’t prohibit me from choosing what course I really crave for. They decided to transfer me to another school, and here I am now, studying the course that I really want.

     As the 1^st semester goes on, I started to engrave my name on the wall of our school. What I meant is my teachers and classmates started to recognize me because of my outstanding performances in class .Not to be boastful, but I often get the highest score during examinations Although I am timid, I still shine like a star in my own way. But just like a movie, there will always be the ‘kontrabida’ in the scene. I never treated her as an enemy but she always makes me feel that she is. She always likes to compete with me, where in fact she already shines in her own way (just like me). My close friend told me that she’s just insecure of me. Why would she? I think she’s better than me, she’s not timid, and she always likes to show off. Because of my extreme worriedness inside, I confronted my mother about my situation. Know what she said? “Don’t mind those people who talks behind your back. As long as you did not do anything to them”. I was glad that I shared that to her. I felt lighter.  

     Can I go back to the part where I get attracted to my boy classmate? Of course I can, this is my story, right? :) Ever since the day I met that boy, I told myself that I would be his girlfriend no matter what. But that seems to be impossible when I found out that he’s the son of the owner of our school!! Though it sounds great, it is still an impossible dream for me especially that they’re Chinese. Chinese is only for Chinese, they say, so there will be a lot of challenges that I’ll encounter all throughout. I won’t give up even though I know that there are several girls in our campus who were also dying for his heart. I had an advantage actually, because he is my classmate in almost all of my subjects. My favourite subject is Biology because we are lab partners, isn’t that amazing? We had the chance to talk for a long period of time. Once, we had an activity about frog. We have to pin a flag for a certain part of the frog that was instructed. And guess what? We got the lowest points in our class. Well, I’m not proud with that but I was glad that we had the chance to share different interests and hobbies.

     “Are you going to join the Foundation Day celebration?”, he asked.

     “Of course I will.” I replied immediately.

     “What particular sports are you interested in?”, he asked again. I was shocked with his question. I would really be embarrassed when he found out that I didn’t like any sports. I hate sports. Well, sports hate me.

     “Actually, I never joined any sports competition. I’m not that sporty enough.”, I answered uncomfortably because of my thought that he would be turned off. “What about you? I heard you were good in table tennis?.” I threw his question back. (I have my sources, that’s why I knew almost everything about himJ)

     “I’m not. Who told you? I’m not good in any sports either.”, he said smiling. Haaay! Thank God he won’t be turned off because he too isn’t good in sports. “So what field do you prefer? Chess? Scrabble?”, he continued.

     I had a smile in my face after I heard his question. How did he knew I love board games? Haha, he’s still asking right?. “Yeah, actually I love board games rather than ball games.” I said. And we both laughed. I didn’t expect that we had a lot of things in common. Oh! This is destiny, I could say. J After our class, my classmates eagerly teased me. They told me I wasn’t able to answer the activity well because I was distracted with my lab partner, which was half true. I can’t avoid it, I really can’t think straight. That’s why my final grade in biology isn’t that good. Yes, there is an advantage of having a crush but on the other side there is also disadvantage. Everyday I would really rush to school just to see him and to be with him (cause he’s always early). I’m always inspired when he’s around. However, during activities, I easily get distracted with his charm. Sorry, I just can’t help staring at him. You know the best part here? His birthday is just one day ahead from mine. Isn’t that destiny? He’s just one day older than me. I almost fainted when I heard that. He even greeted me during my birthday. How lucky I am?

-to be continued . . .