Broken

A Poem by Jason Seamans

This poem took me a while to write. I have had several previous written works, but this one seemed to speak to everyone who read it.

I’m looking for inspiration in a sea of nothingness. I’m looking for hope in what seems a cold world. I”m tired of trying, nothing seems to matter. I try to find something, even an emotion of anything but anger and rage. I find only a mask of what used to be, what seems to remain of an emotion. It looks frail, I don’t dare touch it in case it breaks. Am I destined to be alone? I am so tired of fighting. The struggle I feel inside me never stops. As I look to the stars, even the stars seem lonely. My eyes are dark and getting heavy, but the road I’m on still seems so long. There’s just a faint light when my eyes are open, a shell of what used to be. A real person, did I kill that person and take over as an empty shell of what used to be? It seems even time still moves, but seems to have no meaning. Will this storm ever pass or will I forever be left to fight? My strength is gone and hope is lost. Fragments of a memory are but a small flicker. Today is gone and tomorrow is yet to come. Will I still have to fight a new day like this? My feelings tell me that I must be destined to be alone, and yet no matter where I look I see the dreams I have dreamed come true for everyone else around me. My eyes are clouded and my thoughts are becoming more and more random. I’m trying to catch a thought in what seems complete and total chaos. I no longer understand the world around me and I’m not sure that I am ready to begin to feel again. This world has taught me that no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for normality The complete enigma I have found myself in, only deepens my resolve that I am to spend the rest of my life pretending to be happy with no real basis for what happy truly is. What is it to be happy, I look around and I see others who seem to have found the answer to just what being happy is all about, but I must have failed somewhere along the way. I must figure out what I’m doing so wrong to be able to completely understand this concept of what being truly happy really is.

Learning how to live half a life when we wear so many different masks, makes us grow cold to the things and the people around us. Is it worth trying to find and figure out who and what we once were? Would the pain of the past be too much? How many of the “I’m fines” does it take before we become numb to the world? Will we ever be able to take the walls down and really live a real life? Will we ever be truly happy, unguarded and free from our past? Can positivity be a mask to the world? Why do we find it so easy to fake being happy? Is it part of the “I’m fines”? Is it that we have guarded ourselves so long that being numb has become so ingrained into us that nothing matters? Deep down inside do we want to break out of the shell we have created? Would it be worth coming out and letting all of the bottled up feelings pour out and become a reality? Maybe someday, but not today.

Sometimes, we can’t take what’s lost or even broken and make it right. Trying to figure out this life can turn into one damn cold night. Though the road we are on may seem long and lonely, we have to stay strong. Just know that there is a light ahead. Don’t forget what it took to get you where you are. There will be times we just gotta close our eyes, count to ten and let go of whatever situation we’re in. Honestly, when we fall, it really isn’t all that far before we learn how to fly. If you find that you’re searching for a light in the night alone and afraid, that’s when we have to let the inner storms rage on before we find what we’re made of. Even if you feel like you’re living in a kingdom of isolation and the snow and ice surround you, always remember that the sun won’t be gone forever. When you find that you have hit the ground, get up, shake it off and do your best to get back into life. No one ever said life would be easy. The thing about life is that it can be one amazing adventure if we can learn to open our minds. It only takes a single word to open a cold heart or a single match to cause an explosion. Sometimes we have to just keep our heads up and do our best to get through what seems the darkest of days. Problems will come and go but keep holding on cause you’re gonna make it. Never forget that today is all we have, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not clear. Do the best you can to make today be the best it can be and remember that a single smile can shine through anything.