Dark Depression

Third person. I DON'T KNOW!

Everyday I look in the mirror I see the same person staring back at me. The same eyes, the same nose, the same bumps on the side of her cheeks that she can never seem to get rid of, but today there's something different about the way her mouth curves into not a smile but a frown. Her eyes begin to turn red and tears are streaming down her face. She starts sniffling as though to keep her nose from leaking, but it doesn't seem to work and she doesn't seem to care. She's gotten to the point where nothing matters to her anymore. She doesn't care that life is passing her by while she spends her days in bed. It doesn't bother her anymore that she'll probably never accomplish anything in her life. But it practically pisses her off to know that she is not attractive enough when it comes to guys she simply loses all control for. It bothers her more than anything in the world. Majority of the time she asks herself ,“What's wrong with me?”. It runs through her mind like blood runs through veins. All the pressure is going to her head and I can tell she hates herself right now. She hates how she can never attract boys like bugs are attracted to light. She doesn't blame God, she doesn't the guys, but instead she blames herself. She blames herself for looking like she does. Friends and family call it beauty but since it never really caught a males' attention she calls it the beast. She describes herself a lot about how unattractive she is but never anything that appeals to her needs. She bases her opinions on what everybody else thinks about her. Not what she thinks about herself. Friends say she's pretty, cute, adorable, but no. That's not good enough. She wants something more meaningful. Family members say she's stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, but no. That doesn't matter to her. Their family; they say that no matter what. She adores the compliments a lot but it's not from the people she wants to hear it from. She wishes to have those words come out of a boy's mouth directed only to her, but no. They say she's not pretty enough. You can't imagine how much pain she's in when someone tells her that. On the outside she's composed, but on the inside she's crying tears, burning pain, and killing her dreams. When she hits rock bottom she falls deeper than ever. She tries to change herself but later on she realizes that there is nothing to change. The damage is already done she thinks. From her head to her feet she would call a train wreck. It's the small unimportant things that she worries about the most. Her hair for instance. She hates it. It's short, it's stiff, and it's getting on her nerves. She hates having to wrap it up every night or else it'll come out looking like a sheer disaster. White girls don't have to worry about their hair at all. They just wear it as is because it's just utterly gorgeous, and nonetheless painful for her to see. Another runner up is her face and or body. Acne issues, which we all get and can't get enough of. She's had acne ever since the 4^th grade and this year she's going to the 9^th. Her face and neck are pretty much clear but her body begs for help. She can't stop scratching. The more and more she scratches, the more and more...well you get the point. Last but not least is her body. Anorexic isn't the only thing to come to mind when people see her. She's not anorexic though. She tries her very best just to gain weight but I guess she's just naturally thin. She's 5'7(possibly taller), and 89 pounds(possibly less). Whenever she visits her mother's job that's the first thing people point out about her, They admire her hour-glass figure. They crave her flab-less arms. They want her long, domesticated legs. But she still doesn't understand what they're trying to say. She's beautiful no matter what. She just doesn't realize it yet. So as she looked back at the mirror a smile crept onto her face, then she took her fist and broke the connection between her and the girl she once knew.

Depression was the beginning of it but insanity is gonna drive her out.

Author's Note

This is just the beginning. It just shows how the character is feeling at a different angle. I promise that I will try to make the rest of the story seem more exciting if you actually read it. Thanks!

Reviews

[Barbara Walker]

Everyone in the world can tell you you're pretty, but it is discounted if it doesn't come from a boy. Why is that? Boys are so clueless about a great many things, why do girls depend on them for an opinion? Self-esteem comes from within.
I think boys know when a girl is desperate for compliments, so naturally, they are not going to give them. Boys are not the confident, swaggering individuals that they portray. They are as worried about their looks, just as much. I wish I could wave a magic wand to cure girls of looking to boys for validation.
Sadly, your words are so true for many girls and that is very sad.

[Cole Hayley]

I like it. Its dark , dreadful, gloomy, but true. I've been there myself, its no fun. The story is sttrong.

[ArnoldCawfield]

I have a sad feeling that this is about you. I don't want to assume anything, but the emotion just seems too real for it not be. Either way, this was very emotional and I could really feel what she's feeling.