Sickness

Sickness

A Poem by Bellarina

It comes unexpectedly

 

Rushing up like a blooming flower

 

The tingle starts in your stomach

 

Then it makes its way to your throat

 

Suddenly, out it comes

 

A waterfall of pure waste

 

Pain flows through your body

 

You ache all over

 

Feeling the sickness lingering ever so slightly

 

Afterwards...making your way to an empty bed...

 

Laying your head down on the pillow

 

Closing your eyes...

 

And the pain all fades away

 

In your dreams

© 2008 Bellarina


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Hello,
With a phrase like: "it makes its way to your throat" the pain of the illness is driven home...and the feeling of illness that you wish to convey is complemented effectively.... The same for many of the other lines...so much so, I felt, that the final few arrive as a relief. If I may, I suggest finding a synonym for your second use of "tingle" since it was already used up top (even if you are referring to the same sensation in the stomach)
Best,
GA

Posted 16 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1 Review
Added on February 27, 2008
Last Updated on February 27, 2008

Author

Bellarina
Bellarina

Raleigh, NC



About
I'm Sabrina. Recently turned 22 years old. I've been writing ever since I was a child but only chose to start keeping track of it at the age of 15. I tend to stray from magical based writings. They al.. more..

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