Keep Coming back

With his arms wrapped around me, our bodies drenched with sweat, I realised why I returned to him each time.  He treats me like a woman.  Makes me feel sexy.  It’s not that Jason doesn’t.  I don’t know.   It’s just different I guess…

 

I’ve known Daniel for going on 13 years now.  We met when I was just 10.  I fell in love with him in an instant.  But Daniel has one of those jobs that prevented us from ever having a relationship or even starting a real friendship – he’s a performer in the circus.  It’s a job that takes him all over the country, even to Europe every so often, and I only get to see him something like 4 times a year.  But regardless, over these 13 years we have grown closer and I guess we’ve matured.  We became adults about our relationship. 

 

One stormy October evening I went to see the show and Daniel and I went for a drink afterwards.  It was awesome.  It was the first time we had ever really gone out together (well, it was the first time that I actually had my own transport).  We didn’t talk much (we never do), but it was just nice to sit with his arm around me and my hand on his leg.  It felt like we were a couple.

 

After a few drinks we made our way back to his caravan (a rather pimped out one, I might add).  Originally we were just lying there on his bed watching a DVD, but that was soon forgotten.  Daniel began to slowly untie my bra, making sure that I was okay with everything.  We then lay me down on my stomach so he could massage my shoulders and back.  He has such sexy, strong hands.  I loved having them trace across my body.  This progressed and we took everything to the next level.  It was amazing.  And what made it even better was the raging thunderstorm outside.  Talk about sexy!

 

This became a yearly thing.  Usually, between October and December the circus would be in the areas near where I stay and I would make a point of going to see Daniel as often as I could.  I loved being with him.  I loved him.

 

Come December 2006, and I found out that Daniel and Isaac (one of his brothers) were going to Europe to join the circus there.  I was devastated.  What if I never got to see him again?  What if I never had the opportunity to tell him just how I felt about him?  So I took the leap.  One afternoon, I took a trip to the circus and found him, asking if I could speak to him.  I told him that all I wanted to say was that I love him and that I have for a long time.  His response?  “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone new.”  I laughed and explained that I didn’t intend on waiting my whole life for him and that I had no doubt that I would find someone else.  I just felt that I had to tell him.

 

I spent a lot of 2007 thinking about Daniel and wondering where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with.  You know, the usual questions.  But in that time, I had begun a relationship with Jason Lenoge.  Jason is a few years older than me (15 to be exact), but we’re good together.  Things are a bit difficult between us every now and then, but that’s just because he has married himself to his job.  He’s one of the directors of his company and has many responsibilities to the company.  But the others get to rest and spend time with their loved ones, why can’t he do the same?  I learned to live with it, but this last year and a half has taken its toll.  I love Jason.  I did from the second I looked into those naughty blue eyes.  And then, the first time him and I took our relationship up a notch, I knew I wanted to stay with him.  He is such an amazing lover.  He thrills me with each touch; excites me with every kiss.  At that moment, it doesn’t matter that we only spend a short while in each other’s embrace.  I’ve gotten used to the way he does things.  But it doesn’t make me want that tenderness any less.  A girl likes to feel like she’s wanted.  And her boyfriend saying, “God, I want you,” doesn’t always satisfy that need.

 

Towards the end of 2007 Jason and I had a bit of a tiff.  It hurt me so bad.  I didn’t know what to do or where to go, so I made my way to the circus grounds.  Daniel had returned from Europe a few weeks earlier and he let me in with loving arms.  Unfortunately his son had come to visit, so we didn’t get to spend real time together, but we still went for a couple of drinks.  Afterwards we made our way to my car which was parked on the grounds just outside his caravan.  Luckily my car had a large backseat.  We found ourselves wrapped in each other’s arms, the windows steaming up like the hot sex-scene in Titanic.  Yeah, it was hot!

 

Again, the circus continued its tour around the country and I went back to Jason.  Things improved dramatically between us.  He had really begun to trust me and look forward to seeing me.  There were still times when work took “my” time, but I didn’t mind too much.  I found myself just falling deeper and deeper in love with him.  There was nothing he could do or say to make me feel anything less than what I did.  Those blue eyes and that gentleman’s charm.  It had me hooked for life.

 

And yet I still found myself in Daniel’s arms.  When the circus had touched ground he had contacted me asking where I was and when I was coming ‘round.  That really made me feel wanted and I couldn’t wait to see him. 

 

While I was sitting in his caravan though, I began to think about how things between Jason and I were and a part of me began to feel slightly guilty.  I started telling Daniel that I just wanted to go for drinks, but then I remembered that Jason had actually blown me off earlier that day for Heaven knows what reason.  I suddenly found myself wanting to be with Daniel more than anything else.  As he got changed and ready to go, I pretended to just watch whatever was on the telly.  Suddenly he sat down next to me, blocking my view of the screen.  I looked up into his eyes and was lost.  I wanted so much to remain faithful to Jason, but I couldn’t help myself.  I smiled shyly and he leaned in and kissed me.  It sent electric shivers up my spine.  I knew at that moment that there was no turning back.  I wanted this and I wanted it bad!

 

The day after, I found myself missing Daniel and wishing that I could be with him more often.  He had told me the night before that he wants out of the circus – he wants to find a place to go home to.  I had spent the whole day reflecting on those words and trying to come up with a plan to find a place and ask him to be my roommate.  I would give the world to have him near me all the time.  But then what about Jason?  I love him and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him (if he’d let me).  I guess until I have found out where I want my life to go, I’ll remain with Jason.  But oh, when December comes by again, I’ll be sure to find Daniel’s body intertwined with mine.  Yes, I’ll keep coming back…

 

Copyright©JosieWentzel23December2008