bent to pieces

her words are meaningless just like her life

it's always been about the pain

it's always been about the strife

she calls his name out from the dark

her heart is dead, he left his mark

she screams out loud to soften the pain

her tears they come, like falling rain

the notes she writes, he tears apart

he abandoned her there, and stole her heart

she feels so used, so broke, so bent

all the words he told her, he never meant

she lies awake and wonders why

she crosses her heart and hopes to die 

Reviews

[M]

I sincerely hope this is not based on personal experience though given the next poem I am inclined to believe so. The only line I don't care for is the 3rd line but other than that, it really gets a lot of feelings of abandonment and regret across. You might want to consider varying your sentence structure a bit to make the poem less streamlined. For instance, modifying the last line to "she crosses her heart, hoping to die" has a bit better rhythm in my opinion. A lot of the sentence constructions are the same in the poem, and varying by using gerunds and other conjugations helps the lines stand out to the reader.

[Kyle]

You are good you know.... You writing is so descriptive and colorful.

[These Haunted Hallways]

Wow, this was really cool! I can completely relate to this, as my ex-girlfriend had cheated on me :’( She told me that she loved me, and whatever the matter was in my life, she’d be there by my side. Heh. Then I find out what she had done, and it just makes me wonder, ya kno? Extremely looong story, heh. But, yeah, absolutely, I can totally relate to this piece a lot. Im out in the rain with u, too, I guess, heh :) Great piece tho, great job! :)