All My Fault

This was not a good dream to have. It was so clear and vivid, it was almost like I was remembering a memory. So I decided to put it in story form and clear it up a bit.

"What do you want Sam?" My back is turned to him, for I can't look in his face without feeling sick. Standing in front of my bed I stare at the blank wall as Sam roams around my room behind me. 

"You gotta new boyfriend huh? What's he like? Smart? Is he a gentleman, does he bring you chocolate, say he loves you? What's his name?" I can hear the sarcastic tone in his voice, but I can hear the darkness and hatred more. 

"Leave him out of this." My voice comes out in a shaky whisper, the image of what Sam would do to Riddle frightens me more than my own safety. From behind, I hear the click of a lighter then the smell of a cigarette fills the room; clouds of smoke float by. 

Sam comes to stand behind me, his body so close I can feel the warmth radiating off of him. He trails a finger down my bare arm, the touch so light. But I know how much force these hands hold. 

"What's his name Lilly?" His voice, a low seductive tone almost makes me cave in, but I have to hold my ground. 

As his finger trails back up my arm, I close my eyes - holding back a shudder - and wish I had was wearing something more than a tank top. Sam's hand brushes my hair to one shoulder, leaving the other bare and exposed. I feel him lean his head down, his lips so close to my skin. For a second I think he's going to kiss me, but instead he blows out a puff of smoke. Then he grabs the top of my arm, his fingers digging in, holding me in place. My eyes fly open and I'm about to turn, make him let go but with his other hand he drives the smoldering cigarette into my shoulder. 

I give out a cry as it burns into my skin; the pain intense and non stopping.  I jerk my arm out of his hand, turning so I face him. I've forgotten how close he is and I scramble backwards onto my bed; wanting to get away from Sam and the still burning pain in my shoulder. 

My back hits the wall and I realize I've trapped myself. Sam grabs my ankle and pulls me to him. Then, as I'm half lying on my back, he climbs on the bed, wrestling his way on top of me. I try to kick and hit him but his hands hold me down, immobilizing me. 

He's kneeling over me, his weight crushing my hips. I try to push him off but he gets my hands under his knees so I can do nothing but lie here helpless. He grabs my chin in his hand, turning my face until I'm looking into his crazy eyes. 

"I loved you, but you had to ruin everything. And now you've found someone new. I always knew you were a w***e." He shoves my face to one side, letting go of my chin. I make the mistake of turning back to him, hate still burning in my eyes. Sam raises his hand and brings it down across my cheek without mercy. Pain explodes through my head as my face snaps to the side. This time I keep it there. 

"Why do you make me do this? It's all your fault, all of it. Don't forget that." I can feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes. The physical and emotional pain overwhelming me. I thought I had ended this when I broke up with Sam. But apparently two years of abuse wasn't enough. He had to be here to destroy me right when I was getting my life back. 

Sam leans back, though not enough for me to get free. He pulls another cigarette from his pocket and lights it. He takes a long drag before leaning down close. He takes my face in his hand again so I can't move, and closes his lips against mine. I struggle all I can but his weight is too much. His mouth forces mine open and I can't do anything as he blows all the smoke into my lungs. I cough and try to blow it back out but with his mouth sealing mine it's impossible. Then, as he continues to kiss me and I struggle, Sam pushes the burning cigarette into my shoulder. I let out a scream as the burning pain comes again, but his lips muffle any sound I make. I can't help it now as tears stream down my face and soft sobs escape from my throat. He lifts the burnt out cigarette from my skin and tosses it, but my shoulder still feels the burn. I try desperately to free my hands as Sam kisses me roughly; his lips almost bruising mine. 

Finally I'm able to slip one hand free. I reach for the small glass jar I know sits on the table next to my bed. My hand searches for a moment before I grasp its cold hard surface. I swing the jar into the side of Sam's head. Not hard enough to break the glass, but enough to do the job. 

Sam reals back, his mouth letting go of mine, and I breath in a lung full of clean air. Both my hands are free now and I prepare for another strike but he releases me. He climbs off the bed and I crawl backwards until I'm pressed against the wall, my knees curled to my chest. He just stands and stares at me for a minute, his eyes holding hatred as deep as the sea. 

"This isn't over." He says before turning and simply walking out the door. All that's left is me, sitting curled up with both shoulders burning and my face throbbing. And that's how I remain, broken and empty, till I fall asleep.