Water and Despair

Im in water, swimming with someone. no, not just one person but many. Classmates, friends, people i know. but one face is unfamiliar and that's who i'm talking to. He's got a nice face, gentle and loving. Tall too, just the right height, with black hair and soft green eyes.  Were laughing and wondering why the swimming pool is in a cave; underground. We dive under the water and gaze and the beautiful plants that are growing on the bottom surface. He starts to swim towards the surface and i begin to fallow only to find that i'm stuck. i cant reach the surface and my lungs begin to constrict in fear; not the lack of oxygen but fear. 

Then he's there pulling me to the surface, helping me out of the water. i want to thank him but instead he asks me a question.

"do you want to go out sometime?"

"i'd love to." i say in return, forgetting about the water, and smile up at his smiling face.

I'm running then, through a village. it's full of tents that are made of white canvas and small cabins made of trees and stones. It's my home, it's where I've grown up. i look down and see what i'm wearing: a long red skirt with a soft pattern of leaves scattered across the fabric, and a snow white corset that's constricted around my torso. a cape hangs from my shoulders, creating warmth in this chilly cave. A cave. my village, my home is in a cave. more like it's underground though for i cant spot a tunnel leading out. the only light comes from light bulbs hanging from the ceiling high above.

i run through the streets that are made of gravel, and look for the boy. i find him then asleep in an open tent. he looks as if he's been working all day but asleep he looks so utterly peaceful. i climb in and lay down next to him, dragging my hand across his chest. his eyes open and he looks up at me, staring into my eyes like hes known me all my life. like he knows more about me than i myself do. my heart soars with the feeling of love and belonging. i lean down to kiss him but he pulls away, worrying about bad breath. something happens and he's gone for a split second but then he's back; laying beside me. his hand comes up and cups my face, i know this time he wont pull away so i lean down and kiss him. just being so close to him makes my heart skip a beat. i love him and he loves me. 

But then I pull away. another face flashing through my mind, a face of a boy. but this boy does not bring memories of joy and warmth; instead when i see his face it brings memories of darkness and hatred, his hatred. his cold gray eyes bore through my mind. i get up and run again, away from the boy who is and away from the boy who once was. 

i keep running until i find a house. it's a bigger house than all the others, somehow grander. but i don't go inside, instead i sit on the steps and try to fight back the feeling of despair. two black kittens intertwine themselves around my legs. such cute and innocent creatures, i cant help but reach down and stroke their long, lean backs. people start to swarm around me, so many people just walking around; some in a hurry but some just roaming around. i find my eyes drawn to a certain person in the crowd. a boy; he's looking down at something but my eyes stay locked on his face half hidden by shadows.

He looks up then and looks into my eyes. i can see the pleading look in his eyes. a look that's telling me to go to him, that he wants to comfort me whatever my troubles are. i can see by just one look that he wants to help me. but looking at him makes me feel guilty, scared, and confused all at once. i want to run to him, let him help. but what if he turns out to be just like the dark boy of my memories; that boy was once kind and gentle too. 

i take one last moment to take in this boys pleading face, then i look down in shame and turn away. sadness creeps through me as i walk away from the boy i love. 

I'm suddenly at a drive in movie theater. i can tell because of all the parked cars and trucks, and by the movie playing on a big screen. but im not watching the movie. instead im arguing with my best friend. i'm accusing her of something horrible. it hits me then and i scream in her face as tears slid down my cheeks and my body shakes with sobs.

" you killed him! you killed my brother! how could you, you were my friend!"

i shove her and run the other way, wanting to fall over and die. but i just keep running until i hear someone chasing me, calling my name. i turn around to see the boy there behind me. I've stopped now but its raining and water drips from his hair. 

"leave me alone! please, stop!" i sob and try to push away as the boy raps his arms around me. i break free and run a few steps but he catches me around the waist. i struggle, not wanting him to see me like this, and not wanting him to be like the other boy. but something in me gives and i collapse against his chest while he holds me and strokes my hair. whispering words of comfort as we sit in the rain.

Reviews

[Chris]

well mapped dreamscapes...

[Brianna]

awwww, I kind of think that these boys are actually the same single boy, and you don't know what to make of him, so your subconscious is coming up with different conclusions to the questions youve been asking yourself. And you definitely miss the boy who comforts you and brings you love, but you'd rather forget the other part of him. The mean unforgiving, scary one.